Bibliography of Jealousy: A Journey to the Source of Self
This is an unusual book of poetry, the work of an unconventional writer. Typically, an anthology is united by a common thread; a shared theme, a distinctive style of expression, or a particular moment. However, this book is bound by a single reason: it was written by the same poet. It is also customary for an anthology to collect poems from a specific period, whereas this book gathers poems written over a long span of time—across the writer’s entire career. Physically, the appearance of this poetry anthology, which is more than three hundred pages thick, resembles an academic textbook—it merely lacks an index and a list of references at the end.
Usually, a poetry book is written by a poet. But this poetry book is the work of a writer who does not wish to be called a poet. Ikhwanul Arif has been writing poetry since the 1990s. He published his poems in Harian Suara Pembaruan (Jakarta), Bali Pos (Denpasar), Haluan and Singgalang (Padang). Several of his poems were also included in various joint anthologies published for specific events in different cities. Yet, he was reluctant to publish his own book. He refused to become a poet because, he said, ‘people place excessive labels and expectations on poetry’. ‘A poet is not a great person. He is an ordinary figure, just like a pedicab driver, a thug, a labourer, a piece of tissue, and so on. We don’t need to glorify poetry or the poet too much,’ he stated. For this reason, he cancelled the publication of his own poetry anthology while it was in preparation back in 1994.
In the arts circles of West Sumatra, Ikhwanul Arif is known as an actor, musician, and poet. As an actor, he performed several times in productions staged by various theatre groups. One of the groups he spent considerable time with was Teater Size, based at the West Sumatra Cultural Park in Padang. Although he always gave impressive performances in many theatre productions, Ikhwanul Arif always appeared restless. It seemed he was never satisfied with his own understanding of the text or his acting. He was clearly a person who was not easily content and was always seeking. He often asked questions about readings and arguments to those he considered more widely read and experienced.
He was almost always present at discussions and dialogues at the Cultural Park, a welcoming ‘big house’ for artists in Padang until the early 2000s. Sometimes I saw Ikhwanul talking with Zurmailis, a leading figure in Teater Noktah and an academic at Andalas University. At other times, he was seen chatting with the playwright Wisran Hadi (Bumi Teater), listening to the thoughts of writer Darman Moenir, or Sjafrial Arifin (Teater Jenjang). But what he did most often was simply listen to others’ conversations. He would weigh the content of the discussion, confront it with other ideas, weigh it again, and then talk about it. He was not a cynical person who always needed to show off his arguments in front of a crowd.
He was also active with the music group Pentassakral, a group founded and led by Alda Wimar, who is also a poet. Due to his experience and interest in music, Ikhwanul Arif was often asked to be a mentor for school students producing and staging musical poetry performances.
Ikhwanul liked to carry a small bag, inside which was a book he was currently reading. Some of these books looked worn from being flipped through so often. In my observation at that time, not many art workers made reading and the pleasure of thinking a daily hobby. When Ikhwanul and I met, we often chatted about our perceptions of our readings and current issues. As an art worker, Ikhwanul always carried out his activities with a happy heart and without expecting anything in return. He was also not the type of person who liked to take advantage of others to gain money or fame. With all his uncommon behaviour, Ikhwanul was a rare creature among those who called themselves ‘artists’ and roamed the West Sumatra Cultural Park environment until the early 2000s.
By the late 2000s, the artistic atmosphere at the West Sumatra Cultural Park began to change. Activities dwindled, the performance building fell into disrepair, a bureaucratic atmosphere strengthened, and artists preferred to grumble rather than create. The place began to be abandoned. In this situation, Ikhwanul shifted his activities to schools and campuses. He produced musical poetry and performed it on several occasions. He visited several campus theatre groups that were still active and found a comfortable haven with the Imam Bonjol Theatre Group at the UIN Lubuk Lintah campus in Padang. He seemed more comfortable there with students who loved art. Now, activities in campus theatre are also gasping for air. The arena for discussion has shifted to cafes. I and Ikhwanul are among the older patrons of Kafe Pojok Steva, a comfortable discussion space, coffee shop, and library on the outskirts of Padang.
The trail of Ikhwanul’s activities shows that he is a restless traveller, unable to stay settled in one place or one artistic field. He is reluctant to be called an actor despite performing in many shows. He is hesitant to be called a musician despite producing several musical works. He also does not want to be called a poet, despite having written many poems. This book, it seems, is indeed not merely a poetry anthology. It is a record of the poet’s personal journey in the form of poetry. Therefore, the poems in this book are not focused on a particular theme. The problems discussed are broad and expansive, ranging from issues of love, the social environment, and divinity, to the problems of the self.