Ageless aunts and tactless taunts
Ageless aunts and tactless taunts
JAKARTA (JP): I am told that tante (pronounced taan-teh, of
Dutch origin) used to be a respectful way of addressing an aunt
who was a blood relation. Today the not-so-young as well as the
young are using the word jeeringly to refer to a woman of a
certain age. They stereotype her as having puffy hair, a powdered
and rouged face and being some what broad in the beam.
Having painted this portrait, this sad story I must tell.
When my septuagenarian friend abandoned our friendship just
because I had inadvertently confirmed a query regarding her age,
I was shattered. I realized that age was not just a number as she
had joked.
"I never celebrate birthdays," she once said. Now I know why.
We have reached the point of no return as all diplomatic ties
have been severed and there's no way that I can make amends and
Tippex my gross error.
Even though the lady in question is lithe and hardly matches
the stereotype painted, I have managed to lose a good friend.
This has taught me to count till 10 when answering questions of
such depth.
This incident behind me, I have started to pay attention to
what is happening in this strange age-conscious world of
Southeast Asia.
For instance, I overheard a fifty-something grandpa, with hair
a glossy, unreal black, address a lady close to his age as Tante
Poppy.
What he was doing has got to be the perfect remedy for
middle-age ennui. What better salve for a sagging ego. Muttering
"the swine," under my breath, I was not fazed that I had just
sworn at a perfect stranger. In my opinion he did not deserve the
benefit of my 10 count resolution for 1996.
The Oxford English Dictionary defines people like him as
gormless, lacking in finesse, thought or discernment. It seems
the norm for us in Southeast Asia to be indelicate when it comes
to personal matters such as "What is your salary?" or worse still
"How old are you?"
Both these topics would be taboo in a western culture and
dismissed with the same disgust that Camilla Parker-Bowles was
shown when photographers caught her picking her nose in public.
Here are some candid shots of likely vogue tactics to check
out someone else's age. The methods are devious.
A matron pops the age-amnesia pill and asks her matron friend,
"What would you do if your husband wants another child?"
Matron pal answers, "Well, I'll go ahead and please him."
Another woman places her friend in the Pleistocene epoch and
asks, "What was the music of your time?"
Friend confidently replies, "I was born just after the Beatles
split and Lennon moved to America."
A bitter-sour story is making the rounds about a mother-hen
who tried to smash her colleague's self-esteem by noting "Sari,
your lover is so young-looking and you tell me he is your age."
Why do women crush and torture each other so cruelly? How very
nice it would be to be gracious. I assume that it would be
difficult for us to develop the same camaraderie that men share
both in the boy's room and the boardroom, but wouldn't it be
nice?
The Chinese horoscope enthusiast's blunt question is, "What's
your Chinese birth sign?"
The smart answer is, "The same as yours." Which throws her off
balance because she now thinks you know "how old" she really is.
The World War I and World War II ploy is juvenile. The "How
old were you when you married?" and "You look so young, how old
are your children?" are questions from novices. These are the
non-professionals, less sophisticated in the "How old is tante?"
game.
Lacking as the topic is, I suspected that individuals
susceptible to gormlessness might just be caring people who are:
1. Social workers from an old age homes conducting a
feasibility study; or
2. Researchers doing a demographic study on the habits,
sex life and tastes of pre/post menopausal females; or
3. Doctors doing theses entitled The accompanying ailments of
moving towards tantehood such as numb arms, rheumatism, gout,
dowager's hump, gravitational pull and stiff joints.
None of it is really anyone's business come to think of it.
-- Marianne Pereira