AA a help for those battling the bottle

AA a help for those battling the bottle

By Hera Diani

JAKARTA (JP): You must have seen it in the movies. A group of
people sit together in a room, either in a circle or in rows.

Then somebody, let's say "Mark", stands up and says, "Hello,
my name is Mark. I'm an alcoholic."

And the rest of the group replies, "Hiiii Maaaark."

"Mark" then shares why he became an alcoholic, how he got
sober, and so on. Other people then replace Mark, tell similar or
different stories and things may get really emotional with all
the tears and hugs.

We have seen Alcoholic Anonymous (AA) meetings many times in
movies. But for most of us, it's just that -- a movie. Alcoholism
is not as much on our minds as the problem of drug addiction.

Actually, there is an AA meeting conducted regularly here in
the capital and it has been going on for about 20 years now.

The one-hour meeting is held every Monday night and also
several times on Thursday night at AEA Clinic (SOS Medika) on Jl.
Pangeran Antasari, Cipete, South Jakarta.

The Jakarta Post met recently two members of the meeting,
"Caroline" and "Daniel", both expatriates, before the meeting
started.

Caroline performed a simulation of how the meeting goes.

The meeting, she said, would start with the "Hello, I'm an
alcoholic" confessions and continue with what AA is all about,
that it is an open meeting and a fellowship of men and women who
share their experiences with each other.

"The only requirement for membership meeting is the desire to
stop drinking. There are no dues or fees for AA membership, we
are self-supporting through our own contributions," Caroline
said.

The meeting continues with one of a few things. Either members
read promises that they made to themselves or start sharing.

"Whoever wants to can start sharing and nobody else is allowed
to interrupt them. You're allowed to explore your own thought
train and you get a lot out. You can actually say what you want
to say. It's very powerful and nice," she said.

The meeting is the only AA meeting in Jakarta, with eight
members aged between 25 years and 55.

"Membership is low at the moment. We used to have Indonesian
members but not now. Anyone is free to come. It's just that the
meeting is in English," she said.

Caroline, who has been living in the country for 10 years now,
joined the meeting six years ago.

The thirty-something housewife said she started drinking
heavily when she was 14 and still lived in her hometown in New
Zealand.

"I also smoked a lot of drugs, marijuana. I missed out on my
adolescence. I didn't grow up as an adult, I kinda escaped that.
And the usual growing pains that people go through, I didn't face
them," she said.

"I used alcohol and drugs to avoid it and when I gave up
drinking, I was really like an adolescent again initially,
psychologically," she added.

Imagining things

She continued drinking until one day she looked in the mirror
and saw this glazed look. She was also imagining things, like
somebody touching her, because alcohol affects nerve endings.

"I was walking along and it was like I'd been grabbed by my
skirt. Your nerves get all funny and that was happening more and
more I found. I was also agitated when nothing was wrong," she
said.

Caroline said that she knew deep down about the problem for
years but had not wanted to face it.

"I saw an AA ad in a newspaper and I thought, oh, it wasn't
for me. It scared me. My husband also said to me he was giving up
drinking and told me to quit, but I couldn't imagine my life
without it," she said.

But her life then was getting progressively worse, or what is
called "hitting the bottom" in AA terminology.

"That's the lowest of the low. Life can't go any further down
because it's so bad," she said, adding that she became dishonest
and deceitful.

She then went to see a counselor and started to go to AA
meetings.

Daniel said that being an alcoholic resulted in him being
divorced twice and today living alone.

"When it comes to alcoholism, it's not about how much you
drink, but how much it affects your life," said Daniel, who
became an AA member seven years ago.

Both Caroline and Daniel believe that alcoholism is
hereditary.

Caroline's father is an alcoholic and was a very abusive man.

According to her, alcoholics usually have low self-esteem,
they are unhappy people, often get depressed and are selfish.

"My father couldn't feel good about himself and he had to
drink to obliterate any feeling he had. He also had to put
everyone around him down so that he could feel a bit better about
himself," she said.

Usually, she said, people with low self-esteem find alcohol
takes away their inhibitions and makes them feel whole.

"But it's a vicious circle because the more you have it the
more you drink, you do embarrassing things and you feel worse
about yourself. Definitely, you'll find that alcoholics have low
self-esteem," she added.

According to Caroline, alcoholism in this country is a major
problem among expatriates.

"I don't know about Indonesians, but certainly among the expat
population, it's a huge problem. Because expatriates usually are
people escaping some part of their life and that's why they leave
their home country," she said.

Through AA meetings, Caroline, Daniel and other members
struggle to stay sober and to help others achieve sobriety.

"We call ourselves recovering alcoholics. We consider that
we're never fully recovered, that we're only one drink away from
being sick again. I come here to be strong, so I won't drink,"
Caroline said.

There are moments, though, when the members have nothing to
share and just stay silent.

"It's uncomfortable for some people, but then we get used to
it. It's like being with our friends. You understand them without
them saying anything," Daniel said.

AA can be contacted at tel. 0818134556.