AA a help for those battling the bottle

By Hera Diani

JAKARTA (JP): You must have seen it in the movies. A group of people sit together in a room, either in a circle or in rows.

Then somebody, let's say "Mark", stands up and says, "Hello, my name is Mark. I'm an alcoholic."

And the rest of the group replies, "Hiiii Maaaark."

"Mark" then shares why he became an alcoholic, how he got sober, and so on. Other people then replace Mark, tell similar or different stories and things may get really emotional with all the tears and hugs.

We have seen Alcoholic Anonymous (AA) meetings many times in movies. But for most of us, it's just that -- a movie. Alcoholism is not as much on our minds as the problem of drug addiction.

Actually, there is an AA meeting conducted regularly here in the capital and it has been going on for about 20 years now.

The one-hour meeting is held every Monday night and also several times on Thursday night at AEA Clinic (SOS Medika) on Jl. Pangeran Antasari, Cipete, South Jakarta.

The Jakarta Post met recently two members of the meeting, "Caroline" and "Daniel", both expatriates, before the meeting started.

Caroline performed a simulation of how the meeting goes.

The meeting, she said, would start with the "Hello, I'm an alcoholic" confessions and continue with what AA is all about, that it is an open meeting and a fellowship of men and women who share their experiences with each other.

"The only requirement for membership meeting is the desire to stop drinking. There are no dues or fees for AA membership, we are self-supporting through our own contributions," Caroline said.

The meeting continues with one of a few things. Either members read promises that they made to themselves or start sharing.

"Whoever wants to can start sharing and nobody else is allowed to interrupt them. You're allowed to explore your own thought train and you get a lot out. You can actually say what you want to say. It's very powerful and nice," she said.

The meeting is the only AA meeting in Jakarta, with eight members aged between 25 years and 55.

"Membership is low at the moment. We used to have Indonesian members but not now. Anyone is free to come. It's just that the meeting is in English," she said.

Caroline, who has been living in the country for 10 years now, joined the meeting six years ago.

The thirty-something housewife said she started drinking heavily when she was 14 and still lived in her hometown in New Zealand.

"I also smoked a lot of drugs, marijuana. I missed out on my adolescence. I didn't grow up as an adult, I kinda escaped that. And the usual growing pains that people go through, I didn't face them," she said.

"I used alcohol and drugs to avoid it and when I gave up drinking, I was really like an adolescent again initially, psychologically," she added.

Imagining things

She continued drinking until one day she looked in the mirror and saw this glazed look. She was also imagining things, like somebody touching her, because alcohol affects nerve endings.

"I was walking along and it was like I'd been grabbed by my skirt. Your nerves get all funny and that was happening more and more I found. I was also agitated when nothing was wrong," she said.

Caroline said that she knew deep down about the problem for years but had not wanted to face it.

"I saw an AA ad in a newspaper and I thought, oh, it wasn't for me. It scared me. My husband also said to me he was giving up drinking and told me to quit, but I couldn't imagine my life without it," she said.

But her life then was getting progressively worse, or what is called "hitting the bottom" in AA terminology.

"That's the lowest of the low. Life can't go any further down because it's so bad," she said, adding that she became dishonest and deceitful.

She then went to see a counselor and started to go to AA meetings.

Daniel said that being an alcoholic resulted in him being divorced twice and today living alone.

"When it comes to alcoholism, it's not about how much you drink, but how much it affects your life," said Daniel, who became an AA member seven years ago.

Both Caroline and Daniel believe that alcoholism is hereditary.

Caroline's father is an alcoholic and was a very abusive man.

According to her, alcoholics usually have low self-esteem, they are unhappy people, often get depressed and are selfish.

"My father couldn't feel good about himself and he had to drink to obliterate any feeling he had. He also had to put everyone around him down so that he could feel a bit better about himself," she said.

Usually, she said, people with low self-esteem find alcohol takes away their inhibitions and makes them feel whole.

"But it's a vicious circle because the more you have it the more you drink, you do embarrassing things and you feel worse about yourself. Definitely, you'll find that alcoholics have low self-esteem," she added.

According to Caroline, alcoholism in this country is a major problem among expatriates.

"I don't know about Indonesians, but certainly among the expat population, it's a huge problem. Because expatriates usually are people escaping some part of their life and that's why they leave their home country," she said.

Through AA meetings, Caroline, Daniel and other members struggle to stay sober and to help others achieve sobriety.

"We call ourselves recovering alcoholics. We consider that we're never fully recovered, that we're only one drink away from being sick again. I come here to be strong, so I won't drink," Caroline said.

There are moments, though, when the members have nothing to share and just stay silent.

"It's uncomfortable for some people, but then we get used to it. It's like being with our friends. You understand them without them saying anything," Daniel said.

AA can be contacted at tel. 0818134556.