Youngsters show no shyness when discussing sex

JAKARTA (JP): When I asked a junior colleague whether his peers get sexually excited when reading porn books or watching blue movies, he matter-of-factly said "Of course, that's what they are for."

His answer would probably shock most parents, but it is honest. It also reflects how open young people are towards sex and pornography compared to their parents. What parents think is taboo, youngsters may simply regard as natural.

Young people and parents have the following to say about sex and pornography:

David, 17 years old, a high school student at Pangudi Luhur in South Jakarta:

I first learned about copulation when I was in the sixth grade. One of my friends explained about sexual activities and I was very confused at the time. I had never even heard the word sex, let alone vagina, so I was pretty much amazed that there was such a thing as copulation.

When I entered junior high school, I had become more knowledgeable of the term. I even read my first sex magazine. One of my friends brought it to class, and all of us had a good look. He was caught by the teacher and was suspended from school for a week.

After that 'amazing' experience, I was hooked on looking at porn mags, stensilan (porn books with text only), and also videos. The thing that attracted me to it? ...hmm...I guess the girls that have big breasts. I had never seen such immense breasts before. It was awesome and also stimulated me.

Although the pictures are attractive and great to look at, I have never been influenced by the books. I never practice what I see. Of course, I don't want to be a hypocrite. I have often thought about doing 'it', mostly with the women I see in the magazines or videos. I also often dream of having sex with Hollywood or Indonesian stars that often play in those sex- mystery type of movies that are popular now.

To tell you the truth, I have never discussed sex with my parents. When I was little, my parents always covered my eyes when there was a kissing scene in the movie we watched, but now they never do. I guess they trust me, and hopefully I will never misuse their trust.

Victor, 17 years old, a high school student:

My sexual education was great.

I was such an innocent boy when I was in junior high school. I only heard about sex from my friends, but then I never saw how people actually do it.

But, since reaching4 high school, oh boy, am I bad! I began looking closely at magazines containing pictures of couples having sex. It is amazing how many positions can be done by two people. Actually, that was not my first glimpse, I read stensilan when I was in junior high, but I was not familiar with the sexual terms in the books and couldn't imagine how they could do it. So, I can't regard that as my first encounter with sex.

Looking at the explicit pictures gets me excited. The pictures for me are not vulgar, instead they are an expression of one's body, an art form, and excellent to look at.

I usually look at the pictures when the chemicals in my body ask me to do so. I never, though, masturbate while reading or watching those things. I can only concentrate on one thing at a time. Instead, I usually imagine doing these things with school mates or movie stars like Pamela Anderson. She's the 'queen' in my sexual fantasy.

I am still a virgin. The pictures never encourage me to have sex, because, deep inside, I know that it's wrong.

My parents never talk to me about sex. They think I already know from school. They consider that I'm pretty knowledgeable on the matter. I am considered a grown-up.

Martha Hadimulyanto, a newspaper editor and a mother of four children said she is an old-fashioned parent who has traditional values regarding sex and pornography.

"Honestly, I want my children free from any bad influence caused by sexual exposure. But I know it is almost impossible to expect this in this era of globalization," Martha said.

Martha said that she stands between old and new traditions. Previously, parents had the power to force their children to adopt their moral values. "Now, it is parent who should understand their children's minds," Martha explained.

Now, she said it is difficult to order teenagers to avoid books, films, or other media containing sensual scenes. "It seems that they all know more about sex than us. However, as parents, we are obliged to provide them accurate knowledge on sex and pornography and its impact on their lives," Martha explained.

Martha said she and her kid's teachers worked hand in hand to disseminate proper information on sex. "Fortunately, my children also receive sex education at SMA Kanisius (one of the oldest Catholic colleges in Jakarta), therefore they got very basic knowledge from their teachers," Martha added.

Although she said that her children are quite well-informed about sex, she worried when she found out that her son had watched a tripled-X-rated video in his room.

"I know that my son's bedroom is filled with photographs of semi-nude well-known models and actresses and I still feel quite easy to see all those pictures. But, when I realized that my son already watched adult films, I was shocked," Martha said.

My daughter said that I was too old-fashioned, Martha continued. Her daughter explained that many junior high school students have already watched or read porn books and films, let alone a university student like Martha's son.

Martha said that finally she and her husband trust their children. "We know that we have already given them enough information. They are already mature enough to distinguish right and wrong," Martha said. (raw)

Ratna Rintiarno, an artist and a mother of three teenage boys says that parents must be more open about sex and pornography with their offspring.

Sharing her experiences in raising her three teenage boys, Ratna said that she acts as a friend rather than a mother. "Since their early years, my husband (playwright Nano Rintiarno) and I have involved them in various discussions on the contents of books, films and other performances that deal with sex or maybe things that can be considered as pornography," Ratna explained.

One day she was informed that some of her kids' friends were expelled from school for having porn books. Instead of interrogating her boys, she joked about the matter until the boys openly talked about it. "When I jokingly asked whether they also read those porn books, they just gave me meaningful smiles," Ratna said with an equally meaningful smile.

By participating in family discussions, children can at least get proper information about the sex they see in the media. "They can also decide what is right and wrong according to their moral values. We just guide them to make their own decisions," Ratna added. She added that her family watches movies together.

Ratna said she explained a woman's reproduction system to her kids in order to inform them about female sexual organs and problems. "When I got my monthly period, for instance, I told them that I suffer from a certain pain that is also experienced by most women. Because there is no other woman in the family, it is my duty to explain this matter to my kids, otherwise they will ask other people," Ratna said.

The wide exposure to sex and pornography, she said, has enabled teenagers to be informed about sex earlier than their parents.

"Indeed, we cannot prevent our children from reading best- selling novels, watching movies with so many sex scenes because they can easily access any media," Ratna maintained.

Ratna said her oldest son, Rangga, 16, could be regarded as a "sweet boy," who has never been delinquent. Rangga, she said, is diligent and clever, "But, that does not mean that I feel okay. He is now starting to read any book in his father's personal library. I know exactly that much of his father's collection deals with sex and pornography," Ratna said.

She added that her husband helps educate their boys. "Nano (Ratna's husband) will ask Rangga and his brothers to talk about the books' contents and to sum up the stories. Their casual chats are very useful in creating communication between parents and children," Ratna said.

Saleh Wijaya, head of the computer department of Bank Rakyat Indonesia's branch office in Cikini, Central Jakarta, father of two children: Pornography is relative. In some countries nudity is allowed at beaches. For Indonesians, especially Moslem Indonesians, showing certain parts of the body is taboo. Kissing in public is also indecent. I am against the explicit exposure of love making in movies. It is not necessary to show such scenes. To show it implicitly and briefly is enough for adults to understand.

I don't see any pornography on TV. The films are just fine, there are no erotic scenes on TV. Bay Watch shows people in swimming suits but this is okay because they are at the beach. If children want to see it or other films which are inappropriate for them, their parents should accompany them and explain what the films are all about. Otherwise they might misunderstand.

What concerns me more is pornographic books, which are very dangerous to children. I think parents should protect them from the dangers of the books by educating them about sex. Yes, sex education is important in protecting children from the bad influence of pornography.

Well, my kids are still very young, 4 years old and 3 years old, so they have no interest in such books. But they will grow older. (raw/sim/07)