Fri, 26 Mar 1999

You win some, you lose some

Life is full of compromises. One can't be a winner all the time. Sometimes you win, sometimes you lose. The desirable and the feasible may not always converge.

At every stage in life, there is a need to make compromises. Though this applies to both men and women alike, I think, generally women do sacrifice far greater than men. It is undeniable that from childhood to old age, it is the woman's lot, especially in eastern societies, to suppress her individual identity in order to nurture the family unit. In this process, she rightly becomes the "master" of the household.

Recent trends show that men just sail along with their wives' opinions as far as the home is concerned. And usually, harmony prevails in such households.

Reverting to the subject "compromise", too often, we find that circumstances force us to accept decisions not palatable to us. However, if we keep our long-term goals clear in our minds, setbacks in the short or medium term, however much they may hurt us now, shouldn't bother us deeply. It's like swallowing bitter pills to regain one's health. There is no point in winning the battle but losing the war.

Flexibility is a great virtue. Someone said that flexibility is the beauty of a child, it is moving with the times, slipping through life as gently and as strongly as possible.

It is possible that flexible people are considered weak. It would be a great mistake to think so. With their inherent strengths, they may still be fully committed to their own core beliefs and value.

Even in situations where we are right, we cannot force our views on others. Again, right or wrong depends on from what angle one looks at an issue. People do interpret the same issue in different ways.

Many people can't compromise because of past incidents. Often, excess baggage is our undoing. We must try to extricate ourselves from the bondage of the past. We can't afford to allow the past to bind us for ever.

Of course, we shouldn't make premature compromises in an effort to create a false sense of harmony.

Ego is another element which may prevent people from compromising with each other. What happens if two contesting parties turn out to be egotists? Well, then, it will surely be a case of an "I" for an "I".

Healthy and constructive conflicts may even be helpful in finding more creative answers. All conflicts need not end up with winners and losers. If the parties handle the issue properly, a consensus may emerge to everyone's satisfaction. If we show our concern for others' viewpoints, there is every likelihood of achieving the desired goal.

A friend of mine once told me of a recipe for good life: "Mix one part of tact, two parts of fortitude, add concentration of people's virtues instead of their faults, sweeten the whole with plenty of humor, spread words of kindness for flavor and serve it hot with warmth, human sympathy and understanding."

D. CHANDRAMOULI

Jakarta