Working mother' motive affects children's growth

JAKARTA (JP): The motive of mothers who work outside the home plays an important role in the success or failure of children's personality development, noted psychologist Utami Munandar said.

Utami, a lecturer from University of Indonesia's School of Psychology, said that children will be proud of their mothers if the mothers choose to be independent or to help their families earn a living.

Through such a motive, children even want to imitate what their mothers are doing when they grow up, she said.

However, if mothers work in order to stay away from home or because they have domestic problems, "children will be affected negatively because children are the ones who are fully aware of all situations in the home," she said.

The most important thing here, Utami said, is that working mothers should not forget to utilize any available opportunity to give their children attention when they are at home.

"Doing ordinary things, ranging from feeding them to telling them bedtime stories, will enable children to feel their mothers' affection," Utami said.

She reminded working mothers not to mix up their problems at work with what they have to do at home.

"Working mothers should realize they only have a short period of time to help build the basic personality of children, when they are under five years old. Once the time goes by, it cannot be changed," Utami said.

Neglecting this time period will only make a child's personality grow not as well as could be. The children, for example, will easily get upset or be unable to show affection to others, she said.

Utami said that children who have attended elementary school have a better understanding about their working mothers than their younger brothers or sisters.

That is exactly what happened to Kartini, an elementary student in fourth grade. She initially protested that her mother, a newspaper journalist, came home late at night, every day.

"I hated my mother for coming home late at night. She can't be together with other members of the family, including my daddy and my younger sister," she said.

"I can accept my mother's condition, after she gave me an explanation about her profession. I understand that a journalist has to work a difficult schedule," she said.

Kartini said that now she even supports her mother to continue working. "The most important thing is that my mother can help my daddy get additional income because more money means new clothes and new toys for me," she said.

"Weekends are my favorite days because all members of my family get together and chat with each other," she said.

She said that she never encounters major problems in her studies because she feels more mature and can arrange her itinerary accordingly.

"If I can't solve a question, I just write a note. My mother will later write down how to solve the problem and my father will tell me how to do it the next morning before going to school," she said.

But for her sister in the second grade, Kartini said, her mother employs a teacher to teach her through a private training course.

Negative

A child might suffer if parents fail to give a reason why the mother has to work outside the home or if there is a lack of attention from the parents, especially from the mother. This negative impact is undeniable. However, Utami expressed concern over people's tendency to only look for negative impacts.

"Actually, according to a number of foreign researchers, working women are more democratic in educating their children. They teach their children to be independent," said Utami, who got her doctorate degree from the University of Indonesia with a thesis on creativity and education.

She pointed out that not all housewives, who prefer to stay at home, are better than career women in educating and giving attention to their children.

"There are mothers who spend much of their time on unnecessary activities and leave their children in the care of baby-sitters or nurses," she said.

Utami reminded mothers to be careful in entrusting baby- sitters or nurses with their children. Baby-sitters and nurses are only trained to deal with children's basic physical needs, such as preparing meals, but not with other needs, such as personal communication.

"Communication between mothers and their children is very important in stimulating intelligence, especially for children under five years old. Unfortunately, many baby-sitters or nurses are not trained to do so," she said.

Utami also underlined the importance of introducing children to equal rights between men and women, at an early age.

"Such education will ensure that there will be no problems whenever children observe their parents with differentiated positions," she said, urging parents to select reading material which does not sharply separate roles of men and women.

Parents have to reject books which depict women who are only busy in the kitchen, while their husbands read newspapers and relax comfortably, she said.

S. Hartanti, an 18-year-old student, whose mother works in a foreign bank in the city, said that she has no problem with her mother working.

"I can always call her office when I want to ask her something or to ask permission to go out with my friends after school," Hartanti, a senior high school student from Blok M, South Jakarta, said.

The girl, whose father works in a private bank, said her mother usually brings home some work to prevent her from working late at the office.

"It's fine because it means that she is closer to me. Besides, she is not angry if I disturb her during her work just to tell her about my day," she said, adding that she is much closer to her mother than her father.

"I could tell my mother if I am attracted to someone... I wouldn't tell my father," she said. (ste/hhr)