Windows 2000: Let's open this window

JAKARTA (JP): Now is the time to celebrate new technological advances, new steps in creativity, and the new era of information confusion. Of course I am talking about the release of Windows 2000.

Less than two weeks ago, Microsoft once again released a new operating system. Seemingly, after years of examining previous versions of Windows operating systems, investigating some of their flaws, and exploring new areas for improvement, Bill Gates decided that he needed more money.

However, before we buy this new software, we should ask some questions: Do we really need a new operating system? Are we satisfied by our present one? And why are we always picking our nose when reading something on our computer screen?

Before we answer those questions, let's examine the improvements of this new operating system over the previous one (Windows 98). I can answer in these few words: I do not know.

As an average nontechnical computer user, I have no idea about the improvements that are incorporated in the new operating system. The only added value that I can get from this Windows 2000 is that I no longer have to worry about the improvements of Windows 98 over Windows 95, which I have not understood after two years of using it.

Therefore, I asked some of my computer literate friends about this. They, understanding that my computer skill is limited to clicking my mouse at any random object on the screen, explained to me that the major improvement of every new operating system is that it makes your computer perform faster.

Yes, the operating speed is apparently very important in the computer world. Several years ago when we used the slow MS-DOS system, we had to waste time typing a long command after the A:

Microsoft then released a newer version of MS-DOS, whose functions were the same as the first one, except that now the computer could say "Abort, Retry, Fail?"

The next operating system that Microsoft released was Windows. This was really an innovative improvement for our computer, not only because we were no longer required to type our commands manually, but also because it included the most important software invention, the one that had made Bill Gates the richest man in the world: the solitaire game.

With this new operating system, we could do stuff with our computer just by pointing to a little icon with our mouse, and "clicking" on it .

This Windows system proved to be faster than MS-DOS. But apparently it was not fast enough for Bill Gates, in terms of not making him wealthy enough.

That is why, after many versions of that Windows system, Microsoft released a new operating system, Windows 95. It had many technological advantages, none of which, had I any idea how to use. However, now I could see a Windows 95 logo with sky background on the screen.

Windows 95 was the basis for Windows 98, a system that Microsoft worked on for three years just to replace the '95' with '98' in its logo. But besides that logo, this operating system seemed to be the same as the 95 edition.

My friend kept telling me that the 98 version was a lot faster than Windows 95, especially when connecting to the Internet.

We only had to click an icon to dial our Internet access number, and within seconds we could listen to the sound of the Modem, which sounded like the screams of a thousand grasshoppers stuck in a running blender, only more irritating. Seconds later, thanks to the speed and the adaptability of our new operating system, we could see a message that said "Disconnected from the server you've dialed".

To summarize, for someone who uses a computer very often, and who gets an adrenaline rush every time he sees a 633MHz processor, the release of a new operating system is always great news. Now he can increase the speed of his computer, and reduce download time from the Internet, thereby allowing him to retrieve more nude pictures of Alyssa Milano, quicker.

In addition, he can also find something that is more interesting to do than imagining that he is one of the cast of Friends. Now, he can spend most of the day exploring every new feature in the new system, check the speed and application of the new computer mumbo jumbo terms and acronyms that only he and other Martians can understand, such as gigabytes, Linux, PCMCIA (Personal Computer Memory Card International Association), PMS (Post Menstrual Syndrome), and GPA329MH-94600RPM/j<34ES$DRHAHAHA.

However, if you ask me if I need a new high-tech operating system, I will say, "Why?" I'll just stick with whatever operating system is in my computer right now, unless someone with better computer skills than I have, such as my 10-year-old cousin, voluntarily helps me with the new system.

Unfortunately, since my involvement with computers is limited only to writing lame and blunt stories like this one, I am not qualified to make such opinions about Windows 2000. And I admit that my opinion is a little biased since I have not had the opportunity to see what the new Windows is like.

The software has not been widely distributed (or pirated), and I assume that the people at Microsoft will hesitate to give me a free sample. However, I am sure that, no matter how sophisticated the technological improvements that Microsoft put in Windows 2000, I can find one flaw in it: I still can't beat the computer in the solitaire game.

-- E. Effendi