Why is feminism still a dirty word for us?

Why is feminism still a dirty word for us?

JAKARTA (JP): Oh, no, the time to say the "F" word has come
again. Kartini Day, which fell on Friday, is the day when
arguments about feminism get their annual airing.

Feminism is a dirty word here, carrying negative associations
with rebellion and radicalism. The common view of the feminist,
among both men and women, is of a big, hairy woman who burns her
bra and hates men. She, like the few women who rise to the top of
the business world, is dismissed as a bitch.

The Kartini celebrated on Kartini Day is not to be confused
with her contemporary namesake, an Indonesian migrant worker in
the news in recent weeks. She is in a United Arab Emirates jail
after being convicted of adultery -- a big crime, punishable by
death, in that country.

Beauty salons are usually packed on Kartini Day with women who
need help with their hair and makeup. Many schools oblige the
students to wear traditional costumes and then sing Ibu Kita
Kartini (Our Mother Kartini), a song dedicated to Ibu Kartini.
Some offices also have their women employees don similar attire.

To highlight the Kartini Day celebration, contests are
organized for best flower arrangements, cooking and Kartini look-
alikes. Sometimes, males are encouraged to take part, for cooking
at least, although the look-alike pageant is off-limits.

A few years ago, a friend of mine who worked as a customer
service officer in a private bank complained that her boss told
all of the women employees to wear traditional clothes on the
day. "How could I say no? I could be punished if I refused," she
told me.

Like many Indonesian women, I also had my own excruciating
Kartini Day experience about 20 years ago when I was a teenager.
I woke up early in the morning and, barely awake, went with my
teenage sister to have our hair done.

It was not of my own free will. If Kartini really was a hero
of women's emancipation, I thought, why couldn't we girls wear
pants on that day like the boys? All the girls in my class would
have been happier to wear something which allowed them to move
freely instead of being bundled up in tight, constricting
outfits. Granted, it was not the footbinding which enslaved
generations of Chinese women, but the clothes made it difficult
for us to walk at a normal pace, let alone run.

I felt like a fool, but I knew that refusal would mean
punishment from my authoritarian teacher (I just realized why
most teachers behave that way after watching news reports about
their demonstration in Jakarta in demand of a salary hike).

We learned from our school textbook that because of R.A.
Kartini, who was born in Jepara, Central Java, in 1879, women
could now go to school. We are told that because of her, there
are women doctors, engineers and politicians. In short, we are
told to be proud because today there is equality between men and
women.

We are meant to understand, though, that it is case closed, no
questions asked. Who would dare to ask why, if there is now a
level playing field for all men and women, about the few women in
top positions in their companies. Why are people like Rini
Soewandi, Emmy Hardjanto, and Miranda Goeltom still the
exception, not the rule?

Or why are there so few women legislators when women
constitute more than half the country's population. There are a
few exceptions, but it must also be conceded that many of those
women, like in other parts of Asia, rode the coattails of their
male relatives to prominence.

Kept out of our lessons are that Kartini's aristocratic father
had two wives, and that she was forced by her parents into an
arranged marriage with an older man with three wives. We seldom
learn that Kartini died at the age of 25 from complications from
childbirth, or that she was in fact a product of the ruling
classes. Her famous letters, written in Dutch to a penpal in the
Netherlands, touched on greater freedoms, but she was talking
about people of her own rank and class.

Ironically, if Kartini disobeyed her parents and went it
alone, maybe she would not be recognized today as a national
hero, as declared in Presidential Decree No. 108 dated May 2,
1964. Her birthday would not be celebrated as a benchmark in
women's emancipation in the country; she would have been a
troublemaker, going against the grain of society.

Kartini was no rebel. She was a good girl, and Indonesian
women are taught to be like her. In observing Kartini Day, women
celebrate her feminity, not her feminist spirit.

I know many men who are feminists, in the sense that they have
the gender awareness that there should not be female
subordination or male supremacy. But there are many others who
hate feminists and feel threatened.

Face facts -- this is still a man's world. Patriarchy has been
the root of society for ages and it is not easy to change. Many
still regard women as objects to be exploited, evident in our
tabloids full of steamy photos of women. The naysayers argue that
the women look happy in the pictures, that they made the choice
to be photographed. Well, of course they will grin and bare it
when sexuality and beauty are still prime ways for women to earn
a living in this country (and, no matter what the self-righteous
say, it's better than scrubbing floors).

The glass ceiling and women treated as objects will only
disappear when all of us, men and women, judge women on their
personalities and achievements instead of a beautiful face or
voluptuous body. We have come some way toward this goal, but we
still have a long, long way to go.

-- Kho Junsim