Why Do I Have to be Sick?

Why Do I Have to be Sick?

By Sartono Kusumaningrat

Sungeb's son, a junior high school student, was also hit by
the breakout of dengue fever in the country. Sungeb felt that he
was really the unluckiest among the poor. At a time when the
monetary and economic crisis battered all the people with
skyrocketing prices, the fearsome disease also attacked Sungeb's
family.

Bencok's sickness was in an advanced stage and he had to be
hospitalized for blood transfusions.

"Who can we ask for blood?" asked Sungeb to his wife as they
sat in the cheapest ward of the hospital.

"In a situation like this, can we ask the help of our
neighbors for free? The problem now is that we cannot possibly
buy blood from the Red Cross or the hospital."

"It is a matter of our son's life. We must try at all costs!

"We must report our case to the neighborhood chief and the
village chief."

Sungeb accordingly went to both officials. He asked for the
help of his fellow villagers. The chiefs agreed to his request.
All the villagers were invited to the village chief's house and
asked to help alleviate the burden of Sungeb's family.

"Is there anyone among you who objects to helping Sungeb and
his family?" asked the village chief to the family heads who had
assembled in his house.

"Nnnnoooooo!"

"Good. Now, who among you has group A blood and is ready to
become donors?"

Only two men in the crowd raised their hands. But Sungeb's son
required at least seven donors. Sungeb was surprised why there
were only two among all the people who had declared their
willingness to help. So, people are sincere as their lip-service
only, he said to himself.

"Sungeb, you saw for yourself that only two people were
willing to donate their blood to your son," the village head said
to Sungeb.

"What about my son's condition? I do not know what to do."

"Ngeb, the disease not only attacks your son. Many of our
neighbors' children have also been affected by the dengue fever
virus. Our neighbors also need money. They need medicine, medical
care and blood."

"Oh, God, what must I do?" Sungeb muttered to himself.

"Look for some guava. Squeeze the fruit and strain the juice.
Give the drink to your son. It is said that guava juice has the
property to increase the blood platelet count."

Like seeing a light in the darkness of the night, Sungeb went
to look for guava. He started asking his neighbors if they had
the fruit. Not many among them grew the fruit, apparently because
guava's economic value is not high.

"Ngeb, do not take all the guava in my garden because many of
our neighbors need it too. You are not the only one," said one of
Sungeb's neighbors named Bina.

"It is hard to find guava. Pak Bina says we should not finish
his guava. Other neighbors also need it. What must we do? The
blood donated by Mas Karjo and Mas Mbolo is not enough. The
quantity of guava we collect day by day is not enough. My
earnings in driving a pedicab are not adequate for Bencok's
medical care. Your income is not enough either to cover the
medical expenses. What do we still have?"

"Your pedicab?"

"But what must I do for work?"

"Bencok's safety is the most important thing. We will see
about the pedicab."

Sungeb remained silent. There is no good choice in the
circumstances, Sungeb thought.

"But I think the price of the pedicab is not enough to pay for
Bencok's hospital cost."

"We'll pawn our land and our gedek (plaited bamboo) house."

"Where would we live?"

"For the moment we'll move in with our my parents or your
parents, in the village."

"Yes, for the sake of our dear child's life, there is nothing
else to do."

On the fourth day after Bencok was admitted to the hospital,
Sungeb told his son of the problems.

"So, when I am cured I won't go home to our house?"

"That's right, Ben. We go to your grandfather's house in the
village."

"The pedicab, father?"

"We have sold it, Ben."

"What about my school?"

"You do not have to worry about your school. It is important
that you get well soon. Do not think about other matters for the
moment."

"I'll become a stupid child, Pak."

"If you remain ill and are unable to eat, it would be useless
to become a smart child."

"You'll have enough money to pay the hospital when I have been
cured, won't you?"

"I think so, but I do not know what we are going to eat or to
do, Ben."

"What if I die, Pak? It is better than to be a burden to you."

"Don't talk like that, Ben. Life is more important than
anything else."

"Better that one becomes a victim than having everyone suffer,
Pak."

"Ben, your parents are looking for money just for you. So you
can live, grow and later become a useful person. Useful for
yourself, for your parents, for your wife and children, for the
country. What does the suffering of your parents mean compared to
our happiness? Your parents will see you live, grow and attain
your ideals. Therefore you must get well, Ben! You have to!"

"Why are we poor, Pak? Have we got so many sins that it is our
fate to be poor?"

"Don't ask such impossible questions, Ben. We are poor,
period. It has nothing to do with our sins. I think everybody has
his sins. Don't be jealous of rich people, Ben. It is no use.
Beautiful dreams are too expensive for us. God's gifts take all
kinds of forms. Well, maybe our poverty is also a gift, of which
we don't understand the meaning."

The pale Bencok smiled.

"Your smile is scornful, Ben."

"No, Pak. Only I can't quite accept that poverty is a gift.
You may be right in saying so. But it's just so difficult to
accept it as a truth."

"Enough, don't worry yourself so much. Think of getting well.
Don't get more headaches with useless things."

The next day Sungeb came with his wife to the hospital. The
plan was to take Bencok home. Smilingly Sungeb lifted the blanket
covering Bencok.

"Wake up, Ben, it is daylight. Get ready to go home."

Bencok did not wake up. Sungeb shook his shoulders. Bencok did
not move. When Sungeb felt his pulse, there was none. His body
was cold.

"Oh, Allah ..."

"Pak?" Ngatinah called in great fear and worry.

"Bencok is no more, Nah."

"Bencoook ... Bencoook ... my child ..."

Ngatinah's cries filled the silence of the hospital ward that
morning. Sungeb lost all energy. All his efforts were useless. He
found under Bencok's pillow the following letter:

"Father, mother, I don't want you to suffer on and on for my
sake. If I get well I want to work as a newspaper boy. I will
save the money. I do not need to go to school. I will take some
courses. I will get well soon, won't I, father, mother? Your son,
Bencok."

At this, Sungeb fainted!

Translated by SH

Glossary:

Pak: term of respect for an older male, in general usage

Mas: term of respect for an adult male, in general usage

The author began writing in 1984. His works have been
published in media both in the province and in the capital. He
works at the Foundation for Cultural Studies in Yogyakarta.