Why can't we spare a thought for others?

The series of articles that appeared in The Jakarta Post this past week about our reluctance to queue were interesting to read, particularly after my own experience of living abroad for many years.

When I returned home, I was mildly shocked to notice one day that dozens of people ignored the line at the post office.

After a minute or so, I remembered that this is part of our culture. As an anthropologist, I quickly put my surprise aside and acted likewise.

It was great! I smiled and chatted with those I passed and had no guilty feelings as I also attempted to make my way ahead.

It even felt relaxing, a new sense of freedom from the stifling rules in Europe. I felt the same relaxation and freedom when I got back behind the wheel of a car. Hey, no rules, I quickly realized! Just fill in the gaps, don't use the mirrors and full speed ahead.

No need to anticipate the traffic situation 100 meters ahead, just blast the horn at the obstructing car bumper in front. And when the going gets a little too hot with competing drivers, all you have to do is open the window and throw out a smile to settle matters.

After several years of observing our behavior, I began to realize the contradictions in our society.

I wondered why the smiling and gentle Indonesians we see in airline ads and other travel-related literature would have no second thoughts about burning suspected criminals to death.

I wondered why we neat and clean Indonesians think nothing of tossing a piece of plastic or old wrapper onto the ground, even if a garbage can is within arm's reach.

I wondered why the potholes in the street and the flooding in cities do not seem to bother the officials. I was puzzled as to why those officials seem to think they know everything and behave like gods, and nobody dares to question their authority.

And why don't we Indonesians care about beggars in the street and the poor in general?

In traffic, why don't we behave like the well-mannered, responsible and caring bapak or ibu that we are at home and among relatives?

Why do men smoke everywhere, thinking it's a joke to flout no- smoking areas, and in the presence of nonsmokers and children, or feel that it's their right to use the streets as their urinal?

In a nutshell, why are we still so uncivilized and unbelievably selfish, despite the symbols of unity we exhibit, such as wearing uniforms at every opportunity?

Yes, tradition and copying the selfish and careless behavior of high-ranking members of society contributes to these phenomena. But there is more. I observed that behavior in public places, whether it is on the street, in the post office or the zoo, is governed by how we define "community".

Despite 50 or so years of nation building, nearly to the point of indoctrination, apparently community is still very narrowly defined.

The community with which most Indonesians identify first and foremost is the immediate family. A second layer of "community" is formed by close neighbors and colleagues.

The community of the mosque, church or temple is another one we identify with. We treat the members of these communities with respect. We are also ready to help when fellow members of those call upon us.

But anyone who does not belong to our narrowly defined "communities" are virtual aliens to us. They might as well be stray cats or rats, and we do not feel there is a need to treat them with respect. It will take a long time before those "aliens" become part of our wider community.

That also means that it will take a while before we will begin to be polite and considerate to people we consider "strangers". Lots of work, education of adults (including teachers and our leaders) and advocacy lie ahead to arrive at the point where we realize that all of Indonesia is us, that all Indonesians are our close neighbors and that our extended community is our collective and individual responsibility.

But there is hope. We see more people standing in line here and there. And when there is a major disaster, more and more individuals, groups and businesses raise funds to help the victims, even when they are not part of their traditional "community".

Let's hope that our younger generation will learn that we are responsible for giving respect to everyone in our society, and that by doing so we are making this country a better place.

-- Chris Soebroto