Who is to blame for the culture of corruption in Indonesia?

My mother-in-law was holding up some fine lace fabric and a beautiful sarong when my husband and I visited her last week as part of our obligation after recently getting married.

The materials, apparently, were from the neighbor, a Navy General's wife, whose daughter was getting married in the near future.

For the wedding reception, the General wanted all of his closest neighbors to wear something nice and so he gave them some high-quality fabric to be made into matching dresses -- a bit too much like military conformity for my tastes.

Jokes then poured in, which were basically about how a Navy general, whose monthly salary should be no higher than Rp 5 million, can afford such a lavish wedding reception (in a grand ballroom at a fancy hotel with over 1,000 guests).

Our gossip extended to the General's obvious wealth: A house worth approximately Rp 1 billion, an apartment worth Rp 500 million nearby, fancy cars and a foreign education for his kids.

How on earth can a military man afford all of the luxury, we smirked, and then mentioned the "C" word to answer our own question.

At one point, however, I began getting really tired of such talk, which we, regular folks -- who are allegedly free from corruption -- discuss almost daily.

We complain about the entrenched corruption, collusion and nepotism in the country. We whine about how those things are the source of all the bad things that have happened in the country, and then blast the government for doing nothing to fix the situation.

I think that, one way or another, we also are responsible for the omnipresent and ongoing corruption in the country. We are all guilty of merely complaining, but never taking any action to stop it.

My mother-in-law gossiped away about the General, but still she accepted the lace finery without objection. Perhaps if she and the other neighbors refused to accept such gifts, or at least publicly shamed the family about the lavish party or any other ostentatious display of their wealth, they might feel embarrassed about it.

Then again, maybe they would not be embarrassed, but perhaps they would not be flaunting it in everybody's face so much.

I, too, admit guilt for my contribution in keeping corruption alive and well in this country.

I cut corners and pay scalpers to renew my ID card and driving license, or to buy concert tickets. I also bribed a public official to get my passport done quickly.

I have been itching to ask my cousin, who is the same age as I, about how he has been able to afford to buy a house in the middle of the city and a nice car -- on his civil servant salary.

But I have kept my mouth shut ever since that same cousin gave us a very large wad of cash as a wedding gift.

Worse still is when it comes to our parents' wealth, which none of us have ever dared to question, as we enjoy the comfortable lifestyle it affords.

I have never heard children of military officers, civil servants, diplomats or state-owned company employees -- the jobs said to be most prone to corruption -- refuse all the luxuries their parents provide them with.

So, the next time we want to complain about corruption, or shame people who are obviously involved in and/or benefiting from it, I think most of us need to look in the mirror first. Otherwise, it is best to just shut up because we are all guilty of seeing it, but doing nothing about it. -- Indira Husin