While I was having my hair done...

JAKARTA (JP): Every time I pull my hair back in a ponytail, it doesn't mean that I enjoy showing off my receding hairline. It only means it is time to go to my stylist to have my hair washed, moisturized and blow-dried properly.

As an ultraperfectionist, I always calculate very carefully the time I have available to spend at my hair and beauty center. I usually try to squeeze it in before lunch or a meeting in such a way that people will not be aware that I have spent half a day at a beauty center. Once someone called on my hand phone while I was having my hair blow-dried. I had to explain to him that I was standing on an airport runway.

It just feels good when someone says to you: "Wow, you really look great for somebody who has been working so hard the whole day!"

There is one hair and beauty center I always go to in Kemang. Believe me, this place is the best so far. I have done my homework; I have been to lot of salons. By the way, have you ever been to the one called "Risky Salon"? I mean who would voluntarily walk into a hair salon with a name like "Risky"?

Anyway, this hair and beauty center I always use has very friendly staff, a cozy seating arrangement and most important for me is that they have separate smoking and non-smoking areas.

I feel very welcome every time I walk in. Everybody greets me by name. It feels like walking into "Cheers" bar. I'm always seated in my favorite chair, served with my favorite drink and magazine, and the stylists are quick to assist me. All of that happens minutes after my arrival. Besides being naturally nice, I guess they also appreciate my generous tips.

While listening to Go West by the Village People (its probably been chosen as their anthem), I sit back, enjoy a scalp massage, have my cuticles pushed back and my eyebrows plucked; how could a woman expect more than this? Gees, don't you think it sounds more like being tortured than being pampered?

There are generally between five and ten other women or men clientele sitting in the room. Yes, they have male clients. The male clients normally come at the least busy time, like Monday morning.

One day I bumped into my super macho ex-CIA friend John, who is famous and very proud of his natural, non-gray, wavy, brunette hair. I actually caught him having his hair colored and his nails manicured! "I had no idea that we have the same hair dresser," he said, with a "pity me and please do not tell anyone about this" look on his face.

Just imagine how many hush-hush stories I hear just by sitting in my hair and beauty center for half a day. My stylists always share the "steamiest story of the day" they have heard from their talkative clients.

Some of the clientele have familiar faces: including movie stars, top government officials, models, spoiled rich teenagers and bored looking expatriate wives. I have observed that they have various reasons for going there. I mean besides having their body parts altered.

Some of them go there because they think it's a place to go to be seen. Some of them go there because they want to show off to their friends that they can afford to have their hair done at the place frequented by the top models. But some of them also go there just because it's convenient and near their homes.

I have a different reason, for me my beauty center is like my second home. A place where I can relax and unwind.

The highlight of the visit is to listen to what other guests are saying. Many clients seems to have a prepared list of subjects to discuss before they walk into the beauty center. They sit down, get comfortable and as soon as their stylist arrives, they begin their litany. Topics range from politics, dirty weekends or just what great people they are. These people usually speak loudly, eager to make their opinions known to everybody else in the room.

They are just so much better than everybody else.

One afternoon, a few hours before the blown-out-of-proportion turn of the century party, I went to my beauty center to have my hair, face and body decorated according to the theme. I think my stylist poured half a kilogram of glittering dust all over me. I swear, I must have looked like a lost tinker bell.

While my stylist was struggling to put sticky fake eyelashes on my eyelids instead of my nose, I recognized the loudmouthed lady sitting beside me. Who could ignore her? She was literally shouting, to make sure that everybody in the room heard what she had to say.

"I went to Singapore last week especially to buy this latest 'New Millennium' make-up kit, you know? I spent a couple hundred dollars for these stick-on eyebrows alone, plus hundreds more for the blush and body glitter, and yada... yada... yada...," she shouted, her hands busy directing the stylist how to stick her bright, glittery, blue stick-on fake eyebrows properly.

The stylist squeezed one big dollop of glue at the back of each of the stick-on's, placed them on her eyebrows then pressed really hard. Mind you, she already had bright glittering red-eye shadow on. By the way, has anybody seen a movie called the Exorcist?

While my stylist and I tried hard to suppress our laughter, Simon the head stylist walked in and screamed in alarm, "Oh my God, darling, what have you done? These stick-ons are not for your eyebrows. They are stick-on eye shadow! Quick, we have to take it off your eyebrows before the glue sets!"

I can't tell you what happened next.

You know, sometimes I wonder why women have to spend so much money and time trying to make themselves physically more beautiful. I know, the inner beauty speech sounds a bit corny. But don't you think that no matter how much money you spend in a beauty center, if it's not supported by a good manner and beautiful heart, it's meaningless? I mean a perfect manicure and a perfect blow dry won't last for more than three days!

-- Aida Greenbury