When does 'teman' rally mean ' friend'?

When does 'teman' rally mean ' friend'?

By John Phillips

JAKARTA (JP): For perhaps the millionth time an Indonesian
person (usually my wife) has confused me by referring to someone
as a teman -- friend -- when they really mean something else.
Now, I am wondering what Indonesians really mean when they use
the term teman or its presumed English equivalent, "friend". And
I am wondering why I am still always confused after all these
years. Are there really such differences between an Indonesian
teman and an American friend, and if so, what are they and why is
this a problem?

First, let me relate what I have observed about the Indonesian
use of the term teman to check with my Indonesian "friends" to
see if I have gotten it right. In the past, I have heard or read
Indonesians using teman to mean many things including the
following. Teman as "a casual acquaintance that they used to know
some 15 years previously, have not seen since, but have recently
met again under unusual circumstances such as in the hot dog line
at Dodger baseball stadium in Los Angeles".

Teman in this context seems to mean "a person you meet among
thousands of other people you have never met before whose only
connection is that once upon a time you may have attended the
same school together although you were in different classes, in
different grades, in different schools but perhaps in the same
city at more or less the same time".

Indonesians greet these friends as if they were close
relatives back from a sojourn. This meaning seems close to one
below, differing only in the time elements suggested.

Then there is the teman as "a very recent acquaintance of like
an hour or two earlier whose family is Sundanese-Balinese by way
of Sumatra, who has never ever been in the same city before now,
but who is in some sense from "home" which in this case includes
the entire archipelago.

The dictionary suggests qualifying terms to clarify this usage
as in teman setanah air or teman senegara which translates as
"countrymen" (non-sexist: country person?). So, the meaning of
this usage seems to be "a person or persons who are the
Indonesian equivalent of "homeboys" (those from the same "hood",
or "turf-surfers") although if the meeting had occurred in
Indonesia they would be clearly identified as coming from an
entirely different social, cultural, religious and racial
backgrounds.

But, the qualifying term is never, ever used, so how is one
supposed to know? In addition, it is my observation that
Indonesians really do consider these people they meet in this way
as genuine friends since all trappings of friendship including
the famous Indonesian hospitality are immediately proffered.

Then there is the very confusing use of the term teman as a
person of either sex who goes to or went to the same school or
works or worked in the same office. According to my dictionary
there is a clearly defined qualifying word to describe these kind
of friends as there would be in English; thus, teman sekerja
means colleague while teman sekelas means classmate. So, these
terms should be clear to any English speaker, right?

Wrong!

Again, the qualifying term is never used, but that is the
least of the problems in interpreting the meaning of the term
when used in context. It is not unusual for an Indonesian to use
teman in this context when in fact the other person is in no
sense of the term collegial, or "matey", or even very friendly.
In fact, the person may be thought of as a pest, a rival, or even
an enemy.

Lastly, is the listing in the dictionary for the use of teman
to mean the English equivalent of spouse, lover, boy/girl friend,
significant other -- well, we'll talk about this problem in the
next article -- teman hidup, translated as companion or helpmate.

While I personally find this a very attractive use of the
term, the problem is that I have never heard an Indonesian person
use teman in this way, with or without the qualifier. They might,
if among the very, very hip, use the English term friend for this
meaning but not the Indonesian one. Perhaps it's because
Indonesians are shy about relationships or because there are
better terms for describing this sort of thing -- help me out
here? I suspect that the real reason I have never heard this
usage is because it was created like the other qualifying terms
by "linguists" who wanted to create the nuances of English using
Indo-Malay root words. Say it isn't so, friends!

Lastly, I would like to offer my Indonesian friends (both of
them) some advice about the use of the English word "friend".
First, never use the word friend in the first meeting with
someone, especially not in the first 10 seconds. You'll sound
like what you probably are, a person trying to sell me something
I don't want to buy or urging me to do something that I don't
want to do. Second, if you have bad news for me like my dog or my
car died, or are a policeman about to give me a ticket, don't use
the word friend. Somehow I'll doubt your sincerity. But, you can
use friend to your advantage, like I did the first time I asked
my wife out by suggesting to her "I just want to be friends."