When does 'teman' rally mean ' friend'?

By John Phillips

JAKARTA (JP): For perhaps the millionth time an Indonesian person (usually my wife) has confused me by referring to someone as a teman -- friend -- when they really mean something else. Now, I am wondering what Indonesians really mean when they use the term teman or its presumed English equivalent, "friend". And I am wondering why I am still always confused after all these years. Are there really such differences between an Indonesian teman and an American friend, and if so, what are they and why is this a problem?

First, let me relate what I have observed about the Indonesian use of the term teman to check with my Indonesian "friends" to see if I have gotten it right. In the past, I have heard or read Indonesians using teman to mean many things including the following. Teman as "a casual acquaintance that they used to know some 15 years previously, have not seen since, but have recently met again under unusual circumstances such as in the hot dog line at Dodger baseball stadium in Los Angeles".

Teman in this context seems to mean "a person you meet among thousands of other people you have never met before whose only connection is that once upon a time you may have attended the same school together although you were in different classes, in different grades, in different schools but perhaps in the same city at more or less the same time".

Indonesians greet these friends as if they were close relatives back from a sojourn. This meaning seems close to one below, differing only in the time elements suggested.

Then there is the teman as "a very recent acquaintance of like an hour or two earlier whose family is Sundanese-Balinese by way of Sumatra, who has never ever been in the same city before now, but who is in some sense from "home" which in this case includes the entire archipelago.

The dictionary suggests qualifying terms to clarify this usage as in teman setanah air or teman senegara which translates as "countrymen" (non-sexist: country person?). So, the meaning of this usage seems to be "a person or persons who are the Indonesian equivalent of "homeboys" (those from the same "hood", or "turf-surfers") although if the meeting had occurred in Indonesia they would be clearly identified as coming from an entirely different social, cultural, religious and racial backgrounds.

But, the qualifying term is never, ever used, so how is one supposed to know? In addition, it is my observation that Indonesians really do consider these people they meet in this way as genuine friends since all trappings of friendship including the famous Indonesian hospitality are immediately proffered.

Then there is the very confusing use of the term teman as a person of either sex who goes to or went to the same school or works or worked in the same office. According to my dictionary there is a clearly defined qualifying word to describe these kind of friends as there would be in English; thus, teman sekerja means colleague while teman sekelas means classmate. So, these terms should be clear to any English speaker, right?

Wrong!

Again, the qualifying term is never used, but that is the least of the problems in interpreting the meaning of the term when used in context. It is not unusual for an Indonesian to use teman in this context when in fact the other person is in no sense of the term collegial, or "matey", or even very friendly. In fact, the person may be thought of as a pest, a rival, or even an enemy.

Lastly, is the listing in the dictionary for the use of teman to mean the English equivalent of spouse, lover, boy/girl friend, significant other -- well, we'll talk about this problem in the next article -- teman hidup, translated as companion or helpmate.

While I personally find this a very attractive use of the term, the problem is that I have never heard an Indonesian person use teman in this way, with or without the qualifier. They might, if among the very, very hip, use the English term friend for this meaning but not the Indonesian one. Perhaps it's because Indonesians are shy about relationships or because there are better terms for describing this sort of thing -- help me out here? I suspect that the real reason I have never heard this usage is because it was created like the other qualifying terms by "linguists" who wanted to create the nuances of English using Indo-Malay root words. Say it isn't so, friends!

Lastly, I would like to offer my Indonesian friends (both of them) some advice about the use of the English word "friend". First, never use the word friend in the first meeting with someone, especially not in the first 10 seconds. You'll sound like what you probably are, a person trying to sell me something I don't want to buy or urging me to do something that I don't want to do. Second, if you have bad news for me like my dog or my car died, or are a policeman about to give me a ticket, don't use the word friend. Somehow I'll doubt your sincerity. But, you can use friend to your advantage, like I did the first time I asked my wife out by suggesting to her "I just want to be friends."