What's the appeal of dating a foreigner?

What's the appeal of dating a foreigner?

JAKARTA (JP): Let's just use the word "foreigner" in
discussing mixed marriages as some people get so upset with the
use of bule (it can be either a blatant insult or a harmless
naive term) The "f" word also carries more general meanings; it
embraces all types of non-Indonesians -- Caucasians, Africans,
Chinese and other races.

If you asked normal, well-educated, healthy state of mind
people why they decided to have a foreigner as their spouse, they
probably would give you an acceptable answer. But who needs other
people's approval or acceptance anyway? What are the acceptable
terms? That people marry their partners based on mutual love
despite the difference of their skin color? It's sweet, true,
absolutely the smart and the right answer -- though it sounds
corny.

But isn't marriage all about give and take?

There are a lot of other unique, interesting backgrounds
behind these international partnerships. As there are not a wide
variety of single white females in this city, most cases
encountered are local females with their nonindigenous partners.

It has also been a tendency that dating or marrying foreigners
has become a trend for some young, relatively low-paid or
unemployed native women. Curious to peek into what they think is
the full of glittery life of expatriate society has driven them
to act a little tacky sometimes. Most of the guys who fall for
them are middle aged or over men who still end up winning anyway.
The ladies get the new status and flashy gold Amex cards in their
pockets, while the lucky gentlemen get spouses half their age.
Good deal.

What is it with these people? Why has dating a foreigner
becomes such a trendy thing to do? Is it money, sex, romance or
status? Don't get pumped up and defensive -- it is a fact that
sometimes love hasn't got anything to do with it.

Money is definitely also a reason.

"I am going to Blok M, Madam," Sitti, the servant of a friend,
said when I asked her where she was off to. "I'm tired of being a
penniless servant. I watched my master bringing home girls from
that area before. And those girls are not prettier than I am. I
want to find a white boyfriend too Ma'am. Maybe then I can live
abroad and get out of poverty."

Is it sex? No. Believe me. From a trustworthy source, it is
proven that international lovemaking is not always better than
the local one.

Is it romance then? It is common knowledge that a lot of
Indonesian males are not very fond of showing off their romantic
side. It could be because of the high level of ego in their blood
or the influence of the bapak-isme syndrome they inherited from
their ancestors, but nobody knows for sure.

A lot of highly educated Indonesians, usually graduates of
universities abroad, confessed that their reasons for getting
involved romantically with their foreign partners were based on
similarities in perceptions of life. Being open-minded and having
the willingness to accept women's equal rights in the
relationship are just a few of the intellectual explanations.

For whatever reasons, cross-cultural and interracial marriages
are mushrooming in this city. It doesn't really matter how it
starts, why or what background certain people have in choosing
their life partners -- as long as it happens for good.

A friend of mine, Jenny, only dates male expatriates.

"It's an individual taste. Black hair, dark eyes and colored
skin just don't turn me on." There you go. She thinks it's all
about appearance. But like a wise man said, beauty is only skin
deep. When the once pale, taut surface goes wrinkled, the wavy
sun-kissed blond hair falls out (what a nightmare) and the once
gorgeous He-man lookalike guy starts uncontrollable drooling and
wearing diapers, what's left behind? His personality -- something
that could be covered by any skin color; white, brown, yellow or
black.

-- Aida Greenbury