What do teenagers and adults think of each other?

What do teenagers and adults think of each other?

Luca Ferrini , Contributor, Bogor, West Java

Some adults think teenagers are trouble-makers and hard to
predict, while teenagers often find adults difficult to talk to.
The writer talked to people from both age groups and asked them
what they thought of each other.

Anhar Hardjakusumah, 13, is a student of the International
School of Bogor: I don't talk much to my parents. I am used to a
lifestyle in which, especially growing up, adults don't interfere
much. I prefer to solve the problems I have by myself or with my
friends. This doesn't mean I don't trust mum and dad anymore but
certainly less than previously. I find this strange at times. But
I guess this is normal teenage development.

I realize though that asking for help, advice or comfort is
useful. I usually talk to my parents about school, and less about
my feelings, my thoughts and my opinions of their behavior.

If I could change something about adults, I would make them
calmer and less emotional. In fact, adults get mad at other
people over little things. They should control their emotions and
try to understand, instead of getting angry straight away.

Cynthia Hardjakusumah, is a teacher at the International
School of Bogor: Of my four children -- nine, 13, 16 and 19 years
old, I probably talk more to the girls. Not because they are the
elder two, but probably because, they feel more at ease talking
to a parent of the same sex. In total, though, I talk to my
children for about an hour and a half each day.

I find moments to speak to them also about their problems and
feelings. When this happens, however, it is usually because I ask
them about what's going on, and if everything is okay. It's my
attempt to get them to open up. That's the reason why I only talk
to them more or less every other day about these more personal
things.

I have noticed the relationship with my children has changed
over the last few years. When they were smaller it was more about
having fun, while now it is a more personal and intense
relationship. If I could change something about my children, I
would make them talk more openly, without me having to ask them
all the time.

Luca Ferrini, 13, is a student of the International School of
Bogor: I feel that my relationship with my mum and dad has
changed enormously over the last two or three years.

It is harder for me to speak openly to them. Many times I
prefer to keep my thoughts and my problems to myself.

I have never been a person who has liked to share my thoughts
with others. Now I find it even harder. But when I do find the
courage to share my problems with my parents, I don't regret it.
Instead, I feel more confident and mature. I sense that I can
partake in more complex conversations with them.

Also, I am more inclined to be less accepting of them in
everyday life. Many times I feel confident enough to disagree
with them on what they say or do, but not always.

My parents understand me quite well, but are sometimes too
intrusive. But I might be totally wrong about this. A positive
side of growing up, however, is that mum and dad allow me greater
opportunities to express my opinions in family decision-making.
This means I can share and better understand their choices.

Elena Fumi, is an Italian Lecturer with the University of
Indonesia and Ferrini's mother: I think the teenage phase is the
best phase in life. It is very intense. It also has unhappy and
difficult moments, but I think it is the nicest of life's many
chapters.

My son Luca has just become a teenager. With this change are
changes in our relationship. On the one hand, I have more respect
for his privacy, for his thoughts and actions. On the other hand
we talk more about the world in general, about more difficult and
"grown up" subjects.

We usually talk in the evening, but sometimes that's not a
good time. It's not always easy to find the right moment to talk.
But if sometimes one of us wants to discuss something, we try to
find a suitable occasion. One thing I think teenagers should
change is to worry less about what their peers think of them.

Clara Summers, 12, is a student of the International School of
Bogor: I live most of the time with my mum because my parents are
separated. Probably this makes my relationship with her more
intimate.

Growing up, I feel it has become easier for me to discuss
things with mum. I talk to her a lot. We chat mainly about
animals and school, but several times a week I find time to share
my problems and feelings with her. Especially now, I feel more
comfortable in talking to her, less shy, a bit more grown up.

When I have very big problems, strangely enough, I prefer to
write them in my diary, then, wait one or two days before telling
her. Sometimes mum asks me how things are going, but it is mainly
me that asks for time to talk.

Mum is nearly always ready to listen to me, but in time I have
learned to approach her at the right moment, particularly when I
want something from her. Most adults are like this.

If I could change something about adults, I would change their
way of treating adolescents and kids. Often adults say: "he's not
mature yet" or "they aren't old enough to give their opinion on
this". I would like them to consider us more adult-like.

Marcy Summers, is a biologist with The Nature Conservancy
environment conservation organization and Clara's mother: I talk
a lot to my children, probably more than any of us wants to. Most
days we also find moments to talk about more private things,
whether good or bad. We chat mainly in the evening about how
things are going. I think talking helps my children not to be
withdrawn.

Over the last few years, with my children getting older and us
coming to Indonesia, our relationships have become stronger and
more intense. This has helped the family in the challenges we
face in this new country.

It is both my children and I that ask to talk about difficult
situations, problems, or ask advice. I like my children as they
are. I don't have any complaints about their behavior, but they
probably do about mine!.

-- The author is a student of the International School of Bogor,
in Bogor, West Java.