What do really we get in life?

JAKARTA (JP): Life if full of the threats of punishment, especially so for Indonesians. Even as babies they are faced with all kinds of punishment.

Take the famous Indonesian lullaby entitled Nina Bobo, which closes with this sentence: Kalau tidak bobo digigit nyamuk (If you don't go to sleep, the mosquitoes will bite you).

Call it an exaggeration, but this song reflects the reward-and-punishment concept Indonesian parents adopt in rearing their children. This concept makes life miserable for children because they are always faced with the threats of punishment when they fail to obey their parents. It also teaches them to expect a reward for every good deed performed.

How often do we hear parents say "Finish your meal or I won't give you the ice-cream," or "You cannot watch the TV unless you do your homework first."

This concept is not only illogical (because mosquitoes will bite you anyway, whether or not you are asleep) but also dangerous as children learn to do things only if they are convinced there's some kind of a reward waiting for them or to avoid punishment. In other words, they adopt the reward-and- punishment attitude.

Why not just tell a child he could get sick, and eventually die, if he refused to eat? It teaches him to be logical and to do things for his own good instead of to avoid punishment or to expect a reward.

And sadly, it's an attitude they adopt when they grow up.

"What do we get from doing all these?" asked a participant of a management training which involves a lot of tiring physical exercises.

Imagine his agony throughout the training as his mind is occupied with the question. He has failed to see the fun of the exercises, not to mention the physical benefit they offer.

It's typical Indonesians to ask that question. I mean, most Indonesians measure everything with what they will get in terms of outside reward or punishment.

How often do we hear, in the workplace, someone says "I won't do that, I'm not paid for that." People just do their work because they are paid for it. They never go the extra mile to improve, to excel, to do their best.

And worse, they function properly only when someone's watching their back. This is especially true with civil servants. When a boss is out of town, for example, half the office will be empty. When Jakarta Governor Surjadi Soedirdja was in Mecca for the haj pilgrimage earlier this year, for example, reporters found it difficult to meet City Hall officials as most of them "were not available". It seems everybody was out of town.

At school, students do the homework or try to arrive on time to avoid being punished instead of learning how to solve problems or about discipline.

At home, servants work hard when their employers are around. When their bosses are not home, they adopt a different attitude. They gossip on the phone, spank the kids and steal the food.

What happens to self-satisfaction, self-esteem, or pride?

With the kind of child-rearing concept we have, we cannot expect that. Not yet.

-- G.A. Koesoemowinoto