What do really we get in life?
What do really we get in life?
JAKARTA (JP): Life if full of the threats of punishment,
especially so for Indonesians. Even as babies they are faced with
all kinds of punishment.
Take the famous Indonesian lullaby entitled Nina Bobo, which
closes with this sentence: Kalau tidak bobo digigit nyamuk (If
you don't go to sleep, the mosquitoes will bite you).
Call it an exaggeration, but this song reflects the
reward-and-punishment concept Indonesian parents adopt in rearing
their children. This concept makes life miserable for children
because they are always faced with the threats of punishment when
they fail to obey their parents. It also teaches them to expect a
reward for every good deed performed.
How often do we hear parents say "Finish your meal or I won't
give you the ice-cream," or "You cannot watch the TV unless you
do your homework first."
This concept is not only illogical (because mosquitoes will
bite you anyway, whether or not you are asleep) but also
dangerous as children learn to do things only if they are
convinced there's some kind of a reward waiting for them or to
avoid punishment. In other words, they adopt the reward-and-
punishment attitude.
Why not just tell a child he could get sick, and eventually
die, if he refused to eat? It teaches him to be logical and to do
things for his own good instead of to avoid punishment or to
expect a reward.
And sadly, it's an attitude they adopt when they grow up.
"What do we get from doing all these?" asked a participant of
a management training which involves a lot of tiring physical
exercises.
Imagine his agony throughout the training as his mind is
occupied with the question. He has failed to see the fun of the
exercises, not to mention the physical benefit they offer.
It's typical Indonesians to ask that question. I mean, most
Indonesians measure everything with what they will get in terms
of outside reward or punishment.
How often do we hear, in the workplace, someone says "I won't
do that, I'm not paid for that." People just do their work
because they are paid for it. They never go the extra mile to
improve, to excel, to do their best.
And worse, they function properly only when someone's watching
their back. This is especially true with civil servants. When a
boss is out of town, for example, half the office will be empty.
When Jakarta Governor Surjadi Soedirdja was in Mecca for the haj
pilgrimage earlier this year, for example, reporters found it
difficult to meet City Hall officials as most of them "were not
available". It seems everybody was out of town.
At school, students do the homework or try to arrive on time
to avoid being punished instead of learning how to solve problems
or about discipline.
At home, servants work hard when their employers are around.
When their bosses are not home, they adopt a different attitude.
They gossip on the phone, spank the kids and steal the food.
What happens to self-satisfaction, self-esteem, or pride?
With the kind of child-rearing concept we have, we cannot
expect that. Not yet.
-- G.A. Koesoemowinoto