Wedding tolls: From simple ceremony to gala celebration

Everybody dreams of a fairy-tale wedding. Or do they?

Several friends are getting married this year, one in less than a month from now. All of them wanted a small, intimate wedding celebration with family and close friends. All ended up with a costly affair awaiting their walk up the aisle.

First stop, pre-wedding photos. I don't know when and how this tradition started, but it has become another holy pursuit for couples, just like finding the perfect dress: the best photographer, themes, poses -- the woman draped over her future husband seems to be a popular shot -- etc.

"Natural" and "tasteful" are very much sought after -- although there is obviously nothing natural about a bride in full wedding regalia, staring into some distant void while sitting in a small traditional skiff, as the groom stands stiffly on the pier, trying hard to conjure a look of admiration and love for his betrothed. As for its artistic merit, it's all relative, isn't it?

There's a thin line between tasteful and kitsch.

Second stop, the wedding invitation: A deceptively simple concept of notifying others that you're going to pledge to share a lifetime with someone at a certain date and time.

On one hand, we have the traditional invitation with floral borders on scented art paper with snippets of religious quotes. But young people can be unconventional, heaven forbid. My friend's mother thus insisted on putting the couple's respective degrees on the invitations. "So people know we've put you through higher education," she said to the disbelief of my friend.

I can just imagine the horror of another friend's parents when he designed his own invitation to look like a comic strip.

Of course, there's The Dress. Every bride has a mental picture of how she's going to look like on her wedding day.

Unfortunately, every bride's mother also has a mental picture of how her daughter is going to look like on the big day: "There should be two dresses, one for the ceremony and one for the party"; "It should be a traditional dress, I won't have any of these Cinderella fantasies of yours"; "The more intricate the material, the better!"

Arguments over how The Dress should look are on a par with arguments over how the couple should raise their offspring.

But most of all, the constant source of headaches is The Reception. No matter how much money one has in their bank account, a lavish reception is a must. God forbid that relatives and colleagues say we're too poor to afford a sumptuous wedding party for our first/second/third/last child (usually daughter).

"Discussions" over who will pick up the tab for the reception and everything else that leads up to it -- formal engagement, dowry, what-have-you -- between families are also a minefield. After a while, you'd think they were talking about cattle instead of their own flesh and blood.

"Rp 25 million only? But our daughter is highly educated and pretty!"

"We want a brand new Mercedes-Benz for our son's wedding gift and we won't accept any less."

It doesn't stop there. When the other family has left the discussion, the scrutiny continues:

"Are they cheap or what?"

"What's with her weird-looking uncle?"

"Did you notice that the groom's mother wears false teeth?"

"Do you think they'll keep their word and pay half the cost?"

"Hah, she can't even afford a set of decent false teeth!"

A friend told his fiance's family that he could not afford a wedding party -- the news was received as though he had told them he had AIDS. The family pleaded for him to use the money he had saved up for renting a house for a reception instead. In the end, the Rp 25 million went to finance a small reception at a mosque, and the newlyweds went to live with the bride's parents indefinitely.

The Venue for The Reception is very important. A ballroom at a five-star hotel or any other spacious, prestigious venue is preferable. A friend's boss spent close to Rp 2 billion for a reception at a five-star hotel, inclusive of a Rp 60 million flower arrangement. Now that is something to tell your grandchildren about, but more importantly, colleagues and relatives.

People exhaust their bank accounts just for the sheer ecstasy of showing off.

Who and how many people you invite are equally important. His father used to work in the same building with an important government official? Then the official must be invited!

But at the end of the day, after the chaos, depleted bank accounts and fights, it's all worth it just to be with someone you love. And if you have a strong relationship with your family and partner, you'll survive this hullabaloo.

So I raise my glass to those brave nuptial souls. Have a great wedding, guys! -- Krabbe K. Piting