Wanted: Government rule on kissing and hugging

JAKARTA (JP): "How many cheeks do you think Pak Habibie has to kiss a day?" Fernando, my youngest son, asked recently as the opening salvo to one of his notoriously aggravating queries.

I didn't answer. I knew, like other youngsters who think they have the right to enjoy the long-abandoned freedom to talk, how he always comes up with awkward questions.

I was not happy with him pestering the government with his everlasting protests and demands. The President has been working hard to maintain his composure; what with so many people around him struggling for a piece of the action.

Besides, I was also busy figuring out what exactly is happening to this nation. The students' voice seems to have faded, overridden by the noisy competition among those who have come from nowhere and stolen the show.

But Fernando was not likely to give up although I had told him up front that I was busy. "I'm sorry, but I need to 'un-busy' you," he said, using his typically idiosyncratic vocabulary. "Surely you want to say something about it? Like the message behind the kiss," he insisted.

I really wanted to blow my stack. How dare he invade my privacy! But his "I'm only asking" expression made me swallow my anger. "Don't you have anything better to do? A kiss is a kiss. What's the fuss? Your Mom kisses you 12 times a day although you are no longer a toddler."

"It's not the same. I'm talking about kissing cheeks between two grown-up males. It's so... unusual. Traditionally, men do not kiss one another to show intimacy here unless they are homosexual. To hug is all right. But to kiss cheeks? Formidable! And to think about the transfer of disease through skin contact..."

To be honest, I too feel uncomfortable with the new trend among male Indonesians: kissing cheeks to demonstrate intimacy. What makes me laugh is the way they do it. As with any new habit, most of them do it reluctantly, the way Nancy Reagan kissed Marisa Gorbachev the first time they met -- the kiss missed by five meters.

"What are you so uptight about? Arafat and King Hussein do that. And so do King Fahd and all his ministers. They hug and kiss cheeks."

"But we are Indonesians, remember? Here, kissing cheeks is a female thing."

"Well, maybe male Indonesians are getting sissy. But what the heck, anybody has the right to do anything he wants. This is a free world, remember?"

"To kiss is not as simple as sticking one cheek to another," he went on. "There is more to it. Especially if you are a powerful person. Kissing somebody may not only transfer skin problems, but also power. It could also cause a broken heart and may lead to chaos!"

"No kiss will cause a broken heart; let alone chaos."

"Well, let me put it this way... no, I'll put it another way. Suppose I have two girlfriends. Kissing one of them demonstratively will provoke the other."

"You mean, you have two girlfriends at the same time?"

"Yes, one official girlfriend and the other for just in case."

Now it began to dawn on me. "Don't tell me you are talking about two political parties for which the government has given the green light -- one is officially recognized, the other is for just in case," I said, borrowing his phrase.

"Has anybody said you are a mind reader?"

"Not lately. But c'mon, I have had enough of political talk. Can we just let it rest?"

"Not until you give me a good explanation as to why people kiss and hug to provoke others, and what we should do about it."

Dealing with young people nowadays is not as simple as it used to be. In my days, I did not have the guts to question my father, let alone argue. Now, I have to find a sensible answer to my son's nasty questions. That's one of the so-called fathering obligations in this modern era.

And talking about hugging and kissing, the President has created yet another controversy when he hugged and kissed the cheeks of the "official and government-recognized leader" of a political party who is embroiled in an explosive rivalry with the other leader who is said to have strong support from the people (but not the government).

The media is now talking about this political hug the way Americans bitch about their president's affair. Tabloids scream about intriguing speculation in their headlines, and political celebrities talk about it between their own bouts of bickering.

Before I answered his question, Fernando was struck by another idea. "The current government is very fond of perpu (Regulations in lieu of laws). And while they are at it, I think we'd better go back to the street and demand that they issue a Perpu that controls kissing and hugging. There must be a limitation on who you can kiss, the number of kisses you can have a day, and parts of the body you are not allowed to kiss, if you know what I mean."

"I know exactly what you mean. But what is it with you, young man?" I exploded. "First you demand reform, deregulation, and protection of human rights. Now you demand a regulation to limit others' right to hug and kiss. Surely you could do better?"

He smiled. "Dad, we are talking about political hugging and kissing. And it's got to be dirty. After all..."

"Politics is just rock and roll," we said in unison and slapped palms. And this gesture, mind you, was nothing political!

-- Charl Chairul