Visiting 'nouveau riche' restaurants in Kemang

JAKARTA (JP): The nouveau riche may be growing, but judging by the quality of nouveau riche restaurants which have recently opened in Jakarta, they're not eating.

Although trendy Pondok Indah provides stiff competition, the leafy neighborhood of Kemang in South Jakarta has long been the home of the nouveau riche (old money lives in Menteng). It is then no coincidence that Jakarta's four new nouveau riche restaurants -- Coterie, Padussi, Restaurant Tipical Mexicana, and Jimbani -- are located in Kemang. Four addition restaurants are expected to open in Kemang in the next few months.

Perhaps it is also no coincidence that the portions served at these restaurants are meager. After all, the nouveau riche have to be able to fit into those size two Armani suits. The food of the nouveau riche is nouvelle cuisine. Nouvelle cuisine is more about appearances than content; it knows the mindset of its appearances-obsessed market. Nouvelle cuisine restaurants can get away with serving four grains of Chilean rice topped with a beautifully sculpted Californian carrot at twenty dollars per plate.

Considering the country's impressive economic growth, nouvelle cuisine's arrival in Indonesia was inevitable. Unfortunately, nouvelle cuisine is incompatible with Indonesian lifestyle; its penchant for rich foods evident by the number of food vendors and warungs lining the streets. Traditionally, Indonesians love to eat, and they love to eat lots.

Disappointed

This must be why nouveau riche restaurants often leave me disappointed and hungry. When I first entered Cafe Padussi (Jl. Kemang Timur no. 57), the mellow ambience of the Bali-style cafe instilled high expectations for the evening meal. In the outdoor patio, diners played chess on cushy sofas while others relaxed in the cool breeze and even cooler jazz tunes. The room was all fine teak and earthy ikat on the walls; all of which can be bought from the restaurant for a hefty price. Momentarily, you forget that you are in bustling Jakarta and instead feel the calmness of Ubud. However, I have just returned from Ubud, and the food there is heftier and cheaper.

Padussi specializes in Thai food, and its hor bai toy (chicken wrapped in pandan leaves) was tasty, but there was hardly anything on the plate. Similarly, the chicken and coconut cream soup (Thom Khai Ka) was deliciously soaked in ginger and enough green chilies to clear up any sinus problems, but after three spoonfuls and one big gulp, the bowl was empty. To add to the hunger pangs were skimpy portions of white rice are not included with the main courses. Two plates of Padussi rice (at Rp 1,500 per plate) would still be dwarfed by a nasi campur at your local warung.

Barometer

What you may not get at your local warung, however, is some pomme frites. In my experience, a good barometer for a restaurant is the quality and quantity of a plate of chips. As expected, Padussi's plate of french fries were meager.

Not as meager, however, as the ones served at Coterie, a French patesserie on Jl. Kemang Raya. Poor french fries at a French restaurant! We ordered a plate of "homemade potato chips". Stale and generic, they may have come out of a package of homemade chips, but cooked in the restaurant they were not. At rp.2,000 per plate, this was highway robbery.

Small portions peppered our meal, from the spoonful of guacamole and salsa which accompanied a passable quesadilla (Rp 5,000), to the straight-out-of-the-can asparagus soup (Rp 3,500). But the prices were reasonable, and the Thai beef salad with spicy peanut sauce (Rp 6,000) was particularly good.

Coterie's appearance was typical suburbia, with its suburban pastel furnishings and pictures of National Audubon Society birds on the walls -- akin to an upscale Denny's. Coterie is also the definitive yuppie restaurant. Capitalizing on the yuppie propensity to travel, their menu spans the globe, as do their take-away offerings. At the patisserie counter, you can feast on brownies and banana cake, as well as drink Seattle-brewed Starbucks coffee and assorted teas with exotic names, like hibiscus, Russian caravan, and rose petals. Coterie's owner, Jack Subiyakto, must also note that yuppies would rather shop than eat, so there is a furniture store above the restaurant.

Jimbani (Jl. Kemang Raya 85) goes one step further and declares itself a Gallery/Restaurant. Across the United States and Europe, most reputable restaurants unabashedly sell art on their walls, without pretensions of being an art gallery. As Jimbani's walls were not exactly cluttered with art works (the odd painting here and there does NOT transform an eatery into a gallery), their reputation will have to rely on their food; which wasn't great.

We ordered tacos and nasi campur (both at Rp 8,000 per plate). The tacos were lukewarm and bland. The nasi campur had a few grains of rice, four small pieces of tempe, and a spoonful of seafood curry (looking worryingly similar to the boullabaise my companion ordered) -- all neatly arranged with carved garnishes. Trying to pass such meals as works of art is a sorry excuse for stingy portions.

Yet the restaurant's ambience could almost compensate for the mediocre food. Ornate Balinese carvings graced the walls, and a wading pool lay by the spacious patio. An unused swimming pool seems to be the ultimate restaurant accessory nowadays, implanted merely to create a holiday atmosphere. Yet it was difficult to relax poolside with the live band cranking out Bon Jovi tunes inside. Performing in front of a Balinese banjar exterior, the band was not only too loud but also seemed incongruous in this traditional religious setting.

Restaurant Tipico Casa Mexicana (Jl. Ampera Raya 2) steered clear of religious symbols (at least those which Indonesians are familiar with). In fact, the restaurant seems to steer clear of anything Indonesians may be familiar with. Declaring itself to be an authentic Mexican restaurant, the menu is peppered with meals containing "imported ingredients from Mexico". As most Indonesians have little contact with Mexico or Mexicans, it is unlikely that anyone would dispute the restaurant's claim.

I went to the restaurant before it officially opened. At the time, they only served Mexican snacks. We ordered the obligatory nachos, and soon found ourselves dining on stale corn chips and cheez-wiz (liquid cheese-product which was never solid in the first place). Disappointment set in as quickly as hunger, and we made a bee-line to the door.

I returned the following week to give the restaurant another chance. After all, it has one of the most creative interiors in Jakarta, with bright red and yellow walls and cacti lining the windows. From this grand appearance it seems as if its interior designer was given a bottomless pit of cash to spend -- which would explain the extortionate prices of the meals and drinks. I felt that every expensive spoonful I ate was paying for the colorful gerberas, imported silver trays and bright pink napkins on each table.

Traditional

We ordered the "traditional Mexican sandwich on telera bread" (Rp 17,000) and the Tamales Rancheros (Rp 14,000). The former was beans, chicken, and cheese, wrapped in very thick delicious bread. I nearly choked as the sandwich was so thick. But it came without garnishes or chips, and you could hardly taste the guacamole. It wasn't particularly good, but since I don't know what Mexicans eat, it was hard to complain.

The Tamales Rancheros was even more foreign. As my companion succinctly said, "I'm not ordering this again". Basically it was corn and bean mince wrapped in a corn shell. It looks like something else, and tastes like not much at all. Again, it arrives unaccompanied, so we had to order an expensive plate of paltry guacamole (Rp 8,000).

After the meal, my companion went to the washroom. She quickly returned, exclaiming, "You have got to see this". Indeed, it's an eyeful -- the floor, walls, and ceilings a mirage of carefully-laid small stones, with a full-length mirror by the basins to facilitate self-beautification. And that sums up Restaurant Tipico Casa Mexicana, as well as Kemang's other nouveau riche restaurants: pleasing to the eye, and not to the stomach.

-- Comer Well