Understanding your child's thumb-sucking habit

Dear Dr. Donya,

I have a son aged two years and four months. He goes to pre- school. He has no health problems but I need your advise on some of his habits that worry me.

First, he sucks his thumb a lot, especially when he is sleepy or just sitting quietly. Even when he is full, he still sucks his thumb. He is now over two years old and I still bottle feed him.

Could you advise me how I can make him stop sucking his thumb? He has just started hitting us. Is that how he shows his anger? What could be the reason for him to do it? He also throws things around when he is angry. Is it because he is the only child at home? We have six adult family members at home.

So far there have been no complaints from his teachers. I don't know why he hits out when he is angry. How can I change this habit? What should I do when he is very upset?

Please tell me how I can start feeding him milk from a glass? Sometimes, it is very inconvenient to feed with a bottle. Is it true that children tend to eat less if they are bottle fed for a long time? Should I stop bottle feeding him?

-- Anju

Dear Anju,

Thumb sucking is normal behavior for infants aged from four to six weeks to two years. After the age of two, some children will stop thumb sucking but some keep doing it until they are five or six years old.

Most of them suck their thumbs when they are going to sleep but some conditions, such as anxiety, tiredness, feeling sick, frustration or even relaxation increase this thumb-sucking behavior.

The way to handle his thumb sucking is to "understand" that it is not dangerous or harmful. Find something more interesting for him to do, such as playing with toys, holding his hands, hugging him or playing finger counting with him. Try not to be frustrated or make him angry. Hitting or aggressive behavior can result from frustrating situations and language or communication problems at this age.

What you have to do is let him know that his habit is not acceptable. Tell him that, "I know you are angry, but you cannot hit me", or "I don't like you hitting me". Grip his hands and listen to him, ask him what he wants. The aim is to let him know that hitting is not acceptable.

He is in school so you may ask his teacher about other kids, whether they hit or act aggressively, something that your son may be learning from others at school.

Give him time, be with him when you are home with him. Talk to him, tell him what you like him to do, and ask what he wants you to do. Tell him what his limitations are. The two to three year age bracket is an "autonomy period", which means he tests the limits of what he can and cannot do, and makes a mental note of the response from his parents, so parents need to be firm and consistent.

Shifting from a bottle to a glass needs a parent's firmness and patience. You may start to give him a glass during the daytime and his teachers can help a lot if everybody in his class is doing the same thing.

-- Dr. Donya