Under the Shadow of the Legendary Queen

Under the Shadow of the Legendary Queen

By Panji Kuncoro Hadi

Perhaps, it is not for me to understand why my father still
loves this barren coastal area, the dangerous waves and his
rotting canoe. I also have no idea why Nyai Lara Kidul, the
legendary and beautiful Queen of the South Seas, has not provided
a helping hand by sending him a lot of big fish so that we could
be prosperous. All the local people believe that my father is a
reliable assistant of the mysterious Queen whom they believe
resides in and governs this part of the Indian Ocean.

On the other hand, for me, my father is like a stone set in
sand on the beach who never reacts to the incessant onslaught of
the waves.

"Anger Cipta, dear son, stop blaming your father ... If you
want to move to another island just go ahead. Let me and your
brothers and sisters stay here. For us what the nature gives us
is more than enough."

That was my mother's answer to my question: Why our living
conditions remained the same." Yes, my mother has always tried to
defend my father's stubborn attitude. I have repeatedly told her
that defending father's strange ideas will lead us nowhere.

On the other hand I have heard that the other island can
provide us with better opportunities. There we could start a new
life, open a farming project or anything. I wonder why my mother
has forgotten what Uncle Seta wrote in his letter from Sumatra
recently. The conditions there, he said, are much better than
here where the coastal area is barren and surrounded by a
unproductive bush. The bush itself is occupied by horrid ghosts
and bloodsucking demons. In the island where my uncle lives the
arable land is vast and is ready to welcome us.

As the eldest son in the family -- watching my father growing
older and my brothers and sisters still too young to discuss
serious matters with -- has prompted me to do a lot of soul
searching. Uncle Seta has portrayed new horizons for us. He
himself has been living successfully there. He has a large plot
of land, a new motorcycle and a spacious house surrounded by a
large garden. All his children have received a good education.

He also informed us that the local people are very helpful.
Uncle Seta himself has married a delightful local village woman.

In closing his letters my uncle always urges my mother and
father to follow his example. He said that if we moved there he
would take care of our expenses until my father got a job. He
also promised to lend a sum of money to be used as capital to
start a business. He said that if my father still loves the sea
he can live near a coastal area because fishing is also a
lucrative business. According to Uncle Seta the waves in the area
are much less turbulent than in Java.

However, every time I discussed the problem with father he
was always reluctant to say a word. He likes to sit still puffing
on his traditional cigarettes, which are made of the blend of
tobacco and cloves wrapped in maize leaves.

Most of the time my father likes to remain alone in the
darkness of the night looking deep into the sky as if he is
imagining himself plucking the stars, which he would present to
the Queen. On my part, I am very disappointed to find my
relationship with my father is slowly freezing over.

Actually our relationship has not been as amiable as it should
be. As a consequence I always discuss things with mom, because
she can understand me better. I have studied my father's
characteristics since I was 17 years old, that was when I first
accompanied him at sea during which he was always taciturn.

Perhaps, it is because of this relationship that I had become
a quiet boy, -- what other people find -- aloof. I have also
developed a tendency to get insulted easily. I like to sit alone
in the nearby bush, talking to myself. Or sometimes I get angry
with myself.

Oftentimes I felt afraid of this solitary state. I was afraid
that the bush would swallow me one day for no reason. I was
afraid of the coral reef which grows under the sea. Sometimes it
looked like a angry demon. I remember the story of Banas Karang
Elo, a coral reef which liked to talk to humans and when it was
uncontrollably angry it would devour humans alive.

Sometimes I also liked to cry to myself. Oh, how my father
hated to see me crying. I also liked to reflect back on my
childhood years, playing with other children until the evening
hours. Usually we stopped playing right before midnight because
the old people believe that wee hours are the time when demons
take over the world.

I remember Wulan, the small young girl with whom my friends
liked to match me. They said my flat nose was a good pair for her
long one. But that was a long time ago. Things have changed now.
Wulan is married with three children. Hers was an arranged
marriage. When her father told me that he would marry his
daughter with Welirang, the boy next door, I did not react. I
didn't react either when Wulan herself informed me about the plan
although she was quite reluctant to do so because several months
earlier we had vowed to tie the knot when we grew up. We declared
our pledge at sea in a small canoe witnessed by the sea and
winds. Although we were very young then we were not afraid to
cruise far from the coast.

But after my father knew we had met in such a way he barred us
from meeting each other again. It was a taboo for a bachelor to
meet a virgin in a secluded place, he said. Anyone who ignored
this advice would surely face a powerful calamity.

Several weeks later a messenger of the village head came to
see my father to discuss a seemingly serious matter. The man
looked scared. He nervously told my father that two fishermen
from the neighboring village were missing. He urged my father to
visit the village and discuss with the people how to find the
fishermen and their boat. He said one of the missing fishermen
was called Welirang, who had left a young wife and three small
children.

On hearing the name my father stared at me in apparent
curiosity. He seemed very eager to see my reaction. But I did not
show any emotion because for me Welirang was a fellow fisherman
although his wife was Wulan my childhood sweetheart.

I have to admit that Welirang was more successful than me. He
was brave, skillful and had good luck in the fishing business. He
was fit to be Wulan's husband. I am nothing but a coward who is
too afraid to cruise the sea. My father advised me to go to
Sumatra as my uncle had advised us. But the idea of leaving mom
and my younger brothers and sisters here with father was
unacceptable to me because I know very well that my father will
love the Queen more than the family.

After hearing the bad news about the missing fishermen father
soon left accompanied by the special messenger. My father seemed
very happy to respond to the call. He is proud to be a servant of
the mysterious Queen and a servant of the village head.

But when he arrived back home from the meeting my father
looked very disenchanted and angry. Even my youngest brother, who
tried to welcome him with love, was pushed aside.

He told us that he had been improperly treated by the village
head who spoke to him as if he were giving instructions to a
slave of the old colonial era. Later on eye witnesses told me
that my father decided to turn down the rude order but Welirang's
mother managed to make his anger thaw. She begged him to exercise
the virtue of patience.

My father's relation with Welirang's mother was not limited to
a friendship between two village residents. It went further than
that.
According to my mother's stories they were once involved in an
amorous relationship. However they failed to get to the threshold
of matrimony because their parents did not bless the
relationship.

"Your father was so deeply frustrated by the rejection that he
vowed to remain a bachelor," mom said.

According to the story my father was so brokenhearted that he
forgot worldly love and studied the mystique of the sea. He
learned all kinds of superstitions and went to meditate in caves
where old people believed was where the Queen spent most of her
time for meditation.

Father pursued the knowledge for many years until the
villagers believed he had left the village for good. Some also
said he had gone to another continent. His parents had lost hope
to finding him again.

However, as the story goes, father returned home one day with
a woman whom he introduced as his wife. His parents were so
overjoyed by his return that they forgot to ask about his wife's
background.

The villagers respected my father for his knowledge about the
traditional mystical beliefs. They saw him as a learned man who
also had supernatural power. In recognition of this they said he
was fit enough to be a protector of the whole people.

After a moment of silence my father asked me whether I wanted
to join him in his search and rescue mission. He said he was not
urging me to accompany him but he said he would be very happy if
he could have the opportunity to talk with his eldest son at sea.

I was surprised to find that he was exceptionally patient this
time. I was sorry to tell him that I could not accompany him this
time. On the other hand I advised him to withdraw from the team.
I also told him that it would be better for him to be a hero of
his own village rather than that of others. I reminded him that
he had been mistreated by our village head whose word was law but
whose deeds were next to zero.

In so saying I was ready to be blasted by my father. Father
seemed to feel words were too harsh for him while he might be
eager to make me his successor in this village hero worship. We
looked straight into each other's eyes with the feeling that
something was about to explode. My mom came to mediate and my
father left the scene with saying a word.

After a week of waiting no member of the rescue team had
returned. The villagers were concerned that the rescuers might
have befell the same fate as Welirang. My mothers was anxious. I
did not regret opposing father's idea. If something bad had
happened to my father I would be the sole breadwinner for the
family. I felt I had made a wise decision.

Since then my hatred toward the village head has not assuaged
if anything it has got worse. In my father's absence he likes to
visit my mother, most of the time for no reason. He also liked to
visit mom in my absence. I caught him several times trying to
flirt with her. On such occasions I found it very hard to control
myself. In my heart I cursed him and the mysterious Queen who was
worshiped by the locals. To me she was just a female satan.

My mother is a very strong lady. She is willing to wait for my
father until the end. Every day she sends news to father by the
means of placing a small offering, which consists of wet soil, a
piece of mangrove root and several leaves of coastal pandanus.

Myself, I am ready to leave this village but I will only do so
after I carry out my plan to kill the criminal village head and
dump his body into the sea. As preparation I have tied my canoe
at an isolated place and told my brothers and sisters that I will
go to Sumatra to join Uncle Seta.

-- Translated by TIS