Under the Shadow of the Legendary Queen

By Panji Kuncoro Hadi

Perhaps, it is not for me to understand why my father still loves this barren coastal area, the dangerous waves and his rotting canoe. I also have no idea why Nyai Lara Kidul, the legendary and beautiful Queen of the South Seas, has not provided a helping hand by sending him a lot of big fish so that we could be prosperous. All the local people believe that my father is a reliable assistant of the mysterious Queen whom they believe resides in and governs this part of the Indian Ocean.

On the other hand, for me, my father is like a stone set in sand on the beach who never reacts to the incessant onslaught of the waves.

"Anger Cipta, dear son, stop blaming your father ... If you want to move to another island just go ahead. Let me and your brothers and sisters stay here. For us what the nature gives us is more than enough."

That was my mother's answer to my question: Why our living conditions remained the same." Yes, my mother has always tried to defend my father's stubborn attitude. I have repeatedly told her that defending father's strange ideas will lead us nowhere.

On the other hand I have heard that the other island can provide us with better opportunities. There we could start a new life, open a farming project or anything. I wonder why my mother has forgotten what Uncle Seta wrote in his letter from Sumatra recently. The conditions there, he said, are much better than here where the coastal area is barren and surrounded by a unproductive bush. The bush itself is occupied by horrid ghosts and bloodsucking demons. In the island where my uncle lives the arable land is vast and is ready to welcome us.

As the eldest son in the family -- watching my father growing older and my brothers and sisters still too young to discuss serious matters with -- has prompted me to do a lot of soul searching. Uncle Seta has portrayed new horizons for us. He himself has been living successfully there. He has a large plot of land, a new motorcycle and a spacious house surrounded by a large garden. All his children have received a good education.

He also informed us that the local people are very helpful. Uncle Seta himself has married a delightful local village woman.

In closing his letters my uncle always urges my mother and father to follow his example. He said that if we moved there he would take care of our expenses until my father got a job. He also promised to lend a sum of money to be used as capital to start a business. He said that if my father still loves the sea he can live near a coastal area because fishing is also a lucrative business. According to Uncle Seta the waves in the area are much less turbulent than in Java.

However, every time I discussed the problem with father he was always reluctant to say a word. He likes to sit still puffing on his traditional cigarettes, which are made of the blend of tobacco and cloves wrapped in maize leaves.

Most of the time my father likes to remain alone in the darkness of the night looking deep into the sky as if he is imagining himself plucking the stars, which he would present to the Queen. On my part, I am very disappointed to find my relationship with my father is slowly freezing over.

Actually our relationship has not been as amiable as it should be. As a consequence I always discuss things with mom, because she can understand me better. I have studied my father's characteristics since I was 17 years old, that was when I first accompanied him at sea during which he was always taciturn.

Perhaps, it is because of this relationship that I had become a quiet boy, -- what other people find -- aloof. I have also developed a tendency to get insulted easily. I like to sit alone in the nearby bush, talking to myself. Or sometimes I get angry with myself.

Oftentimes I felt afraid of this solitary state. I was afraid that the bush would swallow me one day for no reason. I was afraid of the coral reef which grows under the sea. Sometimes it looked like a angry demon. I remember the story of Banas Karang Elo, a coral reef which liked to talk to humans and when it was uncontrollably angry it would devour humans alive.

Sometimes I also liked to cry to myself. Oh, how my father hated to see me crying. I also liked to reflect back on my childhood years, playing with other children until the evening hours. Usually we stopped playing right before midnight because the old people believe that wee hours are the time when demons take over the world.

I remember Wulan, the small young girl with whom my friends liked to match me. They said my flat nose was a good pair for her long one. But that was a long time ago. Things have changed now. Wulan is married with three children. Hers was an arranged marriage. When her father told me that he would marry his daughter with Welirang, the boy next door, I did not react. I didn't react either when Wulan herself informed me about the plan although she was quite reluctant to do so because several months earlier we had vowed to tie the knot when we grew up. We declared our pledge at sea in a small canoe witnessed by the sea and winds. Although we were very young then we were not afraid to cruise far from the coast.

But after my father knew we had met in such a way he barred us from meeting each other again. It was a taboo for a bachelor to meet a virgin in a secluded place, he said. Anyone who ignored this advice would surely face a powerful calamity.

Several weeks later a messenger of the village head came to see my father to discuss a seemingly serious matter. The man looked scared. He nervously told my father that two fishermen from the neighboring village were missing. He urged my father to visit the village and discuss with the people how to find the fishermen and their boat. He said one of the missing fishermen was called Welirang, who had left a young wife and three small children.

On hearing the name my father stared at me in apparent curiosity. He seemed very eager to see my reaction. But I did not show any emotion because for me Welirang was a fellow fisherman although his wife was Wulan my childhood sweetheart.

I have to admit that Welirang was more successful than me. He was brave, skillful and had good luck in the fishing business. He was fit to be Wulan's husband. I am nothing but a coward who is too afraid to cruise the sea. My father advised me to go to Sumatra as my uncle had advised us. But the idea of leaving mom and my younger brothers and sisters here with father was unacceptable to me because I know very well that my father will love the Queen more than the family.

After hearing the bad news about the missing fishermen father soon left accompanied by the special messenger. My father seemed very happy to respond to the call. He is proud to be a servant of the mysterious Queen and a servant of the village head.

But when he arrived back home from the meeting my father looked very disenchanted and angry. Even my youngest brother, who tried to welcome him with love, was pushed aside.

He told us that he had been improperly treated by the village head who spoke to him as if he were giving instructions to a slave of the old colonial era. Later on eye witnesses told me that my father decided to turn down the rude order but Welirang's mother managed to make his anger thaw. She begged him to exercise the virtue of patience.

My father's relation with Welirang's mother was not limited to a friendship between two village residents. It went further than that. According to my mother's stories they were once involved in an amorous relationship. However they failed to get to the threshold of matrimony because their parents did not bless the relationship.

"Your father was so deeply frustrated by the rejection that he vowed to remain a bachelor," mom said.

According to the story my father was so brokenhearted that he forgot worldly love and studied the mystique of the sea. He learned all kinds of superstitions and went to meditate in caves where old people believed was where the Queen spent most of her time for meditation.

Father pursued the knowledge for many years until the villagers believed he had left the village for good. Some also said he had gone to another continent. His parents had lost hope to finding him again.

However, as the story goes, father returned home one day with a woman whom he introduced as his wife. His parents were so overjoyed by his return that they forgot to ask about his wife's background.

The villagers respected my father for his knowledge about the traditional mystical beliefs. They saw him as a learned man who also had supernatural power. In recognition of this they said he was fit enough to be a protector of the whole people.

After a moment of silence my father asked me whether I wanted to join him in his search and rescue mission. He said he was not urging me to accompany him but he said he would be very happy if he could have the opportunity to talk with his eldest son at sea.

I was surprised to find that he was exceptionally patient this time. I was sorry to tell him that I could not accompany him this time. On the other hand I advised him to withdraw from the team. I also told him that it would be better for him to be a hero of his own village rather than that of others. I reminded him that he had been mistreated by our village head whose word was law but whose deeds were next to zero.

In so saying I was ready to be blasted by my father. Father seemed to feel words were too harsh for him while he might be eager to make me his successor in this village hero worship. We looked straight into each other's eyes with the feeling that something was about to explode. My mom came to mediate and my father left the scene with saying a word.

After a week of waiting no member of the rescue team had returned. The villagers were concerned that the rescuers might have befell the same fate as Welirang. My mothers was anxious. I did not regret opposing father's idea. If something bad had happened to my father I would be the sole breadwinner for the family. I felt I had made a wise decision.

Since then my hatred toward the village head has not assuaged if anything it has got worse. In my father's absence he likes to visit my mother, most of the time for no reason. He also liked to visit mom in my absence. I caught him several times trying to flirt with her. On such occasions I found it very hard to control myself. In my heart I cursed him and the mysterious Queen who was worshiped by the locals. To me she was just a female satan.

My mother is a very strong lady. She is willing to wait for my father until the end. Every day she sends news to father by the means of placing a small offering, which consists of wet soil, a piece of mangrove root and several leaves of coastal pandanus.

Myself, I am ready to leave this village but I will only do so after I carry out my plan to kill the criminal village head and dump his body into the sea. As preparation I have tied my canoe at an isolated place and told my brothers and sisters that I will go to Sumatra to join Uncle Seta.

-- Translated by TIS