Umairah

By Yanusa Nugroho

Oh my gracious lady, your cheeks are so peachy, but I had never thought that you would wake up at this time of night just to open the door for me. But forgive your husband, lady, because he had fallen asleep on the verandah. That is a quotation from a story that tells us how deep Prophet Muhammad's love was for his wife.

Umairah heard the story from her grandmother. For her, the words used in the story were so tender and sweet, fresh and cool like morning dew. They came from the prophet's lips with the sole purpose to delight his wife. When Umairah was a young and lonesome girl, she was very impressed by the story. It was so touching, that every time it came across her mind she shed tears.

But, had there been any moment when Umairah was not lonely? No, she had been so lonesome that what impressed her most was that it was a tale of tenderness. She had never experienced this virtue but had only heard about it. That was before her beloved grandmother died.

Umairah had also forgotten so many other ordeals in her life that she could not bring herself to tell us how she felt when she reached nine, ten or eleven years of age. She had also forgotten when she first had her period. Or had she ever had it? Because, the only reality she remembers is that months have come and gone just like the men who have welcomed her in bed.

"Ma!"

The voice of Umi, her child, who was barely four years old, startled her from her daydream. After she had wiped her wet cheeks to wash away her dream, Umairah smiled and hoped to send back the child to her beautiful dream.

"Go back to your sleep sweetheart, the night is still dark. If you remain awake, the world will break you, tear you and crush you with its pitiless teeth. Although I will remain awake, I want you to sleep soundly, lulled by your sweet dreams. I'll sweep away all the weeds in your life that might hinder your steps and I'll also cut and throw away all the thorns that could hurt the soles of your feet. Oh, my sweet little girl, your rosy cheeks are beautifully radiant. Oh, how much I love and adore you. Your loveliness will be the beacon of my life. I don't know what would have happened had you not been a part of my existence. If that happened I would be at a loss as to where I would go, what I would do, because to end my own life would solve nothing".

As Umairah had hoped, the child fell back asleep and now it was soundless all around. The woman looked back at the paper on which she had written something earlier with black ink. But all she understood was that what was written there would not express anything. She spoiled the paper and started to write on the next sheet.

Lately Umairah had caught a serious fever, which had sent her to bed for most of the time. She had no idea what had happened to her because all the doctors she had consulted had only smiled after they heard her grievances. On the other hand, lately she had become more sure that the time would come to take her away. If not tonight it would be some other night.

At three o'clock in the morning, Umairah heard someone knocking rudely at her door. So loud were the knocks that they frightened her. Umairah grabbed her child and went to the door.

No sooner had she opened the door than she was confronted by ten hostile people standing with fiery eyes. They shouted at the peak of their voices and threatened to punish her if she would not let them in.

Trembling, Umairah prayed that the uproar would not awaken Umi.

"Hey woman, where are you hiding him?" Shouted one of the men who was wielding a club. The man's eyes turned red and he looked right at Umairah's breasts.

The woman felt her stomach filling with nausea and was about to vomit at seeing the men, whose behavior was not much different from those of dogs. They were people who, like countless others, had tried to force their way into her life.

"There is no other person here other than Umi and myself," she said, while showing the child fast asleep in her arms.

"Your lips are always wet with lipstick, Mai, but don't think that your beauty can hide the truth," said that most outrageous man among them. His friends then searched the house in order to find if any one was hiding.

"Perhaps it is true on other nights but not tonight ...," said Umairah firmly.

The rudest man among the gang members was standing so close to Umairah that she could feel his boar's breath. He moved closer to her.

"Tell us where he is, so we can finish everything ... together, okay?" The man shouted.

Umairah could not help vomiting but she managed to say something. It was not very clear what she had said, though, and this made the ferocious man and his gang leave. Before they left, the man threw a glance at Umairah.

"Ma," her child suddenly called her.

Umairah hugged Umi and sang a lullaby softly. When she saw the child staring at her with her innocent look, Umairah's tears streamed down her cheeks.

"Ma, will I go away on a train?"

Umairah looked at Umi smilingly. How wonderful are children's dreams.

On another night, Umairah heard another furious knock at her door. This time it was at exactly the same hour she had been visited by the unwanted visitors days ago. The woman knew very well every knock at her door because she had been familiar with its beats. And this night, the wild boars barged in with the smell of odor from the devil's body.

After opening the door, Umairah stood still and said nothing. When the man she considered the rudest was about to touch her, she said, "Perhaps not tonight but another night." The quick- tempered man grumbled. He tried to force his will but Umairah repeated the same explanation, which made him more resentful.

"You whore, I remind you that you must start to be thankful to me. I have helped saved you from being paraded around the village and stoned to death by all the villagers. Don't forget, slut, when you had just moved to this village everyone hated you because they knew you were the scum of the earth. And now you try to turn me down ...!"

"I am not rejecting you. I said not tonight, perhaps another night. It's up to you to understand what I mean."

"Shit!"

"Say what is in your mind, don't beat around the bush. You keep saying the same old words, over and over again."

Umairah's last words made the man even angrier that he slapped her across face. The man also felt Umairah had belittled his manliness. He roared, shouted and turned mad. The uproar made Umi wake up and cry, awakening the neighbors.

After several minutes, many people arrived to see what had happened.

"That man must be hiding here," shouted the same violent man pointing around while other members of his gang again started to search the house. But after a while, after throwing everything away, they returned to the door without finding anybody.

Umairah thought the humiliation was enough for her. Taking her child, she ran away. For some seconds she stared back looking at the men ransacking her house.

She kept running. Along the way, while crying hard Umairah shouted a woman's name, the woman seemed to be someone she needed in this desperate condition.

After some moments, bare-footed Umairah stopped running. Under a crescent moon, which looked like a section of yellow water melon. Bitten by the cold wind she walked and walked although she had nowhere to go. From time-to-time she kissed her child and went on wherever her feet took her.

Several passing cars stopped and offered her a lift but Umairah turned them down. They reminded her of the offers by men who pretended to be good Samaritans but later abused her.

Umairah went on to continue her pursuit for safety despite the fact that her legs could hardly support her. At an empty security post she stopped. It was dark here but at least she could smile and lay her child on a stool until the sun rose. The place was not comfortable because the walls of the post were cracked. Umairah also smelled the odor of urine, which stank. In the dim light, she saw a bunch of clothes inside the post but she had no interest in them.

Suddenly, the woman felt it was difficult to breathe but she did not know why. She laid her child on her lap and leaned herself against the wall. She felt dizzy.

A moment later, while she was half asleep, she overheard a voice. She was curious to know what it was. Later, she found out that it was just the sound of tall grass swaying in the wind. When she was about to doze off she heard some prayers being spoken.

She needed the prayers both for herself and her child. While admiring the holy whispers, Umairah suddenly felt that she knew the wordings of the prayers by heart.

She gained some energy and slowly joined in the prayers. If ever I'm not fit enough to say my prayer before you, oh my God, the most wise, please look at this blessed sleepy face. I wish when I open my eyes that the whole world would smile and greet me and accompany me to dance in your fantastic beautiful earth. "Oh God, the most listening, listen to my lamentation, because only to you do I address my invocation."

When dawn emerged along the eastern horizon Umairah saw a young man with dark hair caressing her face. The man spoke with soft and soothing words, which she was very thirsty for.

People walking from dawn prayers at the nearby mosque were surprised to find a child crying in the lap of a mother who was lying all alone on the ground. They reported the finding to the nearby police station. None of the villagers recognized the dead woman. The only thing they knew was that she had died smiling.

(From Mata Yang Indah, Kompas

Best Short Stories 2001)

Translated by TIS