Traditional wedding ceremony strengthens sacred bond

Traditional wedding ceremony strengthens sacred bond

Debbie A. Lubis
Contributor
Jakarta

The heavy head ornament and the hundreds of staring people did
not deter Dian from walking into the reception hall on her
special night.

Next to her, her soul mate Wahidin gave a shy smile to members
of the extended families who stood on the right and left sides of
the aisle leading into the reception hall.

A traditional dance performance welcomed the newlyweds, who
looked radiant in their traditional clothes. The bride and
groom's parents and other senior family members followed behind
the couple up onto the stage, where they took their seats.

"I'm very enthusiastic about having a traditional wedding, but
my husband was not all for it. He considers traditional
ceremonies costly, as wells as time and energy consuming. But for
me, it is a way to pay respect to my elders. Besides, the rituals
are so sacred and meaningful," she said.

Many young couples are in favor of having a traditional
wedding. The weddings range from a modest ceremony in the family
home to an extravagant one in a five-star hotel ballroom. A
wedding ceremony actually consists of two major components: the
akad nikah, the actual exchange of marriage vows with close
family members as witnesses, and the wedding reception. Some
traditional rituals often take place before the akad nikah. Each
ethnic group has different rituals.

Dian decided to blend the marriage rituals and customs of Java
and West Sumatra out of respect for both her family and that of
her groom's. Javanese rituals were held before and after the akad
nikah and she wore West Sumatra costume and observed traditional
customs during the reception.

In Javanese culture, the bride and groom-to-be go through a
siraman (bathing in water containing flower petals) ceremony on
the afternoon before the akad nikah. The ritual, which is aimed
at cleansing body and soul, is held at each parents' house. A
prayer is said when she/he is seated on a chair and the
father starts pouring water with petals over her/him, followed by
the mother. Elderly and distinguished women are also invited to
participate in the siraman, with the number usually limited to
seven.

Then comes the midodareni evening when the bride-to-be has to
stay in the bedroom from 6 p.m. to midnight accompanied by older
women who give her advice. She is also given body and hair
treatments.

The family of the bride-to-be and very close friends also
visit her; only women may enter the room. Goddesses are believed
to visit her from heaven. The bride's parents also feed her for
the last time, because the next day her husband will take over
the responsibility.

There are many other rituals that Javanese perform after the
akad nikah. One of them is when the bridegroom crushes an egg
with his right foot, after which the bride washes his foot using
water with petals in it, signifying that the bridegroom is ready
to be a responsible head of the family while the bride will serve
her husband faithfully.

Meanwhile, Effendy Hasibuan, 54, organized seven ceremonies
for his eldest daughter's wedding. He invited relatives,
acquaintances, colleagues and business acquaintances to the
wedding.

Effendy, who comes from North Sumatra, also organized a
special ceremony for his son-in-law, who comes from a different
ethnic group. "I had to give him a marga (family name) because
I'm from a royal family. It's for the sake of any grandchildren,"
he said.

The Effendy family ceremonies were impressive but time
consuming. First, he gathered his relatives to officially inform
them that a man had proposed to his daughter. Then he invited
people in his neighborhood over to his house and announced the
date that the man's family would come to formally ask for his
permission for the marriage. Third, he received the family of his
future son-in-law and determined the date of the wedding.

Effendy then conducted the ceremony to give his future son-in-
law a family name. One day before wedding day, he fed his
daughter and asked his extended family to give her advice. Then
the akad nikah was held based on religious principles. After the
akad nikah, there was a ceremony held in front of many relatives
in which the couple were fed.

In the case of Anak Agung Ayu Mas Kusumayanti, the bond of
religion appealed to her for her wedding ceremony. "The Balinese
never ignore their religion, nor traditional norms and values. If
we neglect them, we will be set aside from our community," she
said.

The first thing Balinese do before getting married is to have
six teeth filed. The six teeth symbolize six bad traits in Hindu
teachings that people should rid themselves of. They then
determine whether they come from the same caste. If the man is
from the Brahmana caste but the woman is from a
lower caste, the women's caste is "upgraded" through
a special ceremony. If the man is from a lower caste than the
women, the women will lose her status.

Then the woman prays at her temple before being escorted by
the man's family to his house. The woman stays in a different
room in the man's house and prays at the man's temple so that she
will be considered part of the family.

The next day, a Hindu priest prays while makeup is being
applied on the bride and groom in different rooms. They are
escorted to the temple and are blessed by the priest. The couple
wears glossy wedding clothes and are sometimes barefoot. "Usually
the reception is conducted after the blessing, or several days
after that. Unlike people in big cities who usually give
envelopes with money enclosed to the newlyweds, the Balinese
usually give them a wide variety of household items," Ayu said.