Tips for new mother on how to care for that new baby

Question:

Dear Dr. Donya,

Hi, my name is Pauline. I got your e-mail address from The Jakarta Post. I am 20 years old and have a 15-day-old baby girl. The first week was very hard for me and it is still hard for me today to adapt to this new style of life. Is this what we call Postpartum Blues? How can I overcome it? It is really bothering me and making me feel so incompetent as a mother. Please give me a few tips on how to deal with such a problem.

I would also like to ask you at what age a baby starts to develop a regular sleeping routine, because my baby is still so unpredictable -- she is awake at night and sound asleep in the afternoon.

I would like to ask you at what age can I start taking my baby out of the house, such as taking a walk in the neighborhood in her stroller, and in what weather conditions is it safe. Is at 15 days too early? I don't want her to become ill.

One last question, how hot is too hot? I always have a feeling that it is too hot for my baby, but then again we are in a tropical country and I assume that she should get used to some hot weather, right?

I hope you will respond as soon as possible. I will greatly appreciate your advice. Thank you again and I hope that if I have other questions you will be able to help me. I am a first-time mom and like I said earlier, I get overwhelmed by this new responsibility.

--Pauline

Answer:

Dear Pauline,

Believe me, you are not alone. Even if you have a beautiful delivery, healthy baby and loving support at home, you can still suddenly find yourself in tears, feeling changed, having feelings of despair and feeling low. Don't let these feelings and tears frighten you. Being frustrated and feeling overwhelmed is normal.

The hormonal chaos affecting your body while you change from a pregnant woman to a mother is what creates the emotional turmoil you are feeling now. This chaos will go away, everything will be ordinary and manageable again. You will become accustomed to the baby's sleeping pattern, your body will return to its youthful beauty and the joy of mothering will compensate for the temporary discomfort you are experiencing now.

What I can recommend is:

1. Talk with other mothers; they will be more understanding.

2. Keep a diary of the good things that happen, like the flowers, presents, weight loss and baby smiles.

3. Try to relax, be patient when you are with your baby, especially when breast-feeding, because physical relaxation will help you to relax mentally.

4. Give yourself time; do not try to be superwoman. Do what needs to be done and leave the rest until later.

5. Accept that your appearance now is not what it will be.

Your baby's sleeping pattern; let's talk about how to cope with it. At this age, they sleep and wake up as much as their bodies want to, and internal stimuli such as hunger, bowel habits and body temperature running hot or cold are the main factors for waking them up. There is nothing to do about it, and it will get better as she gets older.

Around six weeks some babies may sleep through the night, in which case the mothers are really lucky. But normally, when you start feeding her solid food in the evening, which is around 6 months old, she will sleep through the night. And research shows only one of every six infants can sleep through the night, so why worry.

If you know what time your baby normally wakes up during the night you can make a schedule for her to be fed. For example, if you feed her at 9 p.m., 1 a.m. and 4 a.m., there are two schedules you can choose. One is you sleep earlier and wake up earlier, which means you feed her at the time you go to bed at 8 or 9 p.m. Then, she will wake up again at 12 or 1 a.m. and again in the morning at 5 or 6 a.m. So, you wake up one time a night.

The other one is, if you go to sleep late, say at midnight, then wake her up to feed her when you go to bed, she may sleep through to 5 or 6 a.m., and then you can sleep until 10 a.m. She will get back to sleep and she will learn the pattern. It will be a bit difficult for the first few days, but it is worth the effort.

Following these other tips may help your baby adjust to nighttime and daytime:

* Create a difference between a daytime nap and nighttime sleeping by putting her into her cot in the daytime and preparing her for night with a nightgown. Make the room warm, 25 degrees Celsius is a good temperature

* "Family bed" (sharing your bed) is convenient for both of you because you can respond to her quickly and both of you can get back to sleep easily.

* If she has her own bed, keep the night feed as sleepy and as brief as possible. Do not turn on the light and avoid playing or talking with her while feeding.

* Go to her as soon as she cries. Do not let her cry too long because it will take more time to get her back to sleep.

* Change her diaper and feed her before you go to bed, and remember to finish burping her before you put her down.

At what age can you take her out? It depends on where you want to take her. If it is clean fresh air and a clean environment, you can take her out at any age. If the area is crowded or busy, like a department store or public air-conditioned area you better wait as long as you can. I do not recommend going to malls until at least one-year-old. Put her in a stroller where she can sleep. Fifteen days is not too early, but later is better or wait until she can control her neck, which is around eight to 12 weeks. If you want to take her out just to get some vitamin D from the sun, cuddle her in your arms and walk around the garden in the morning.

What weather is safe? I would say nice sunny days, not windy, cloudy or rainy. How hot is too hot? Hot weather seldom bothers babies as long as they have plenty to drink and can sweat freely, so be sure to dress her in proper clothes like loose and light terry cloth or cotton clothes. If she is too hot she will be irritable (restless) and her skin will be damp, then you should sponge her with warm water and fan her to cool her down.

In closing, Pauline, I think you will do fine and the fact that you have written me tells me you are a loving and caring mother. Please write again if I can be of further assistance.

-- Dr. Donya Betancourt

Dr. Donya is a pediatrician based in Sanur, Bali. She welcomes questions,comments and concerns at features@thejakartapost.com or drdonya@hotmail.com.