This society's etiquette criminals are legion

After spending two years in the United States, I have come to realize that Jakarta suffers from an intriguing societal depravity, one that pertains to basic etiquette.

About two days after I arrived back in Jakarta for a summer break, I went to Plaza Senayan to hang out with my long-time-no- see friends. As I knew it would be crowded in the front of the mall, I parked my car near the elevator at the rear side of the mall.

So I took the elevator to the fourth floor. When the elevator opened, before I even had a chance to move my feet, this group of five people stampeded into me, acting as if they were Darth Vader with his shock troops. They completely ignored the existence of a person who was actually trying to get out.

Being a mellow guy, I decided to stay calm and pushed my way out of the elevator with a smile. That was the first incident that made me start thinking about this whole issue of manners.

I had promised to meet my friends at the food court, and there is no other way to get there but through the cinema lobby. As I walked out of the cinema lobby, I had to pass through the entrance door of the mall.

Accustomed to what I thought was internationally understood etiquette when opening doors, I was expecting the person walking in front of me to hold the door so it does not swing back and hit the person behind. Suddenly, this person dressed in "hip-hop" clothing passed me in a hurry.

Not only did he refuse to look back or hold the door, he actually slammed the door while I was walking through. Luckily, the door did not slam into my face. My hands were fast enough to mitigate the imbecile's act.

I convinced myself that he was just another restless student in a big rush to get somewhere.

On my way to the food court, an older Army-type guy, probably in his 50s, was walking as slow as a turtle in front of me. Being a bit impatient, I took the polite way and said 'excuse me', hoping that he would move a bit to the left so that I could pass by.

I reiterated 'excuse me' three times, but he ignored me. I decided to pass him as best I could, but my shoulder accidentally touched his shoulder. I said: "Sorry", but he reacted in an overly harsh manner and yelled: "Watch where you're going, stupid!"

Not only did he ignore my polite request to pass, he reacted as if I had just started World War III.

Appalled by such an irrational reaction, I apologized and went straight to my friends' table. After a bit of chit-chat, I decided to go to KFC, my favorite place to eat.

As it was around lunch time, the line was pretty long. But I took my place in line and waited patiently. When there were only three customers in front of me, two domestic helpers, or pembantu, cut in front of me and said nothing.

That was it. I wished I could have immediately changed into Batman. After identifying all the enemies, these etiquette criminals, I would use all my gadgets to arrest them and detain them in the Bat Cave.

Unfortunately, turning into Batman was not a realistic option. In fact, I am probably seen as the bad guy here because the majority of the people in our society are diseased with the same epidemic, 'mannerphobia'.

These incidents show how our society is having a problem with proper manners. It seems like proper behavior is not even a part of our culture. It seems like having good manners is not necessary in our society.

What is interesting is that a lot of Indonesians accuse foreigners of being arrogant and lacking manners. Foreigners usually come from nations that greatly embrace freedom and liberty, Americans in particular.

Indonesians, who embrace traditional values and religiosity, tend to associate freedom and liberty with etiquette depravity. Conversely, Indonesia is known to be a society with proper manners, a perception that a plethora of foreigners would concur with.

Ironically, during my two years in America, I have realized that it is us Indonesians who need to improve our manners.

Initially while in the U.S., I was not aware, but gradually I became etiquette observant. Much of my observations occurred in classes, public places, bus rides and other places.

In America, people say "excuse me" and "thank you" regularly as words to open or close a conversation. People inside the elevator go out first and those waiting to come in wait before all the people exiting have come out. People respect others when waiting in lines. They even say "Bless you!" if someone sneezes around them, whether they know them or not.

Eventually, I came to the conclusion that Indonesians are still behind the people of the U.S. in terms of manners.

I am not idolizing American society, nor am I underestimating Indonesian society. The point is that if each of us tried to improve our behavior toward others, our society would be much more comfortable to live in.

-- Armando Siahaan