The perils of being a transnational

The perils of being a transnational

Most of the time, being able to access both Australia and
Indonesia in my psyche is fun, as well as emotionally and,
hopefully, mentally enriching. And most of the time, the elements
of my two geographical homes harmoniously merge to form a big
soft cushion for me to fall back on in times of uncertainty, or a
warm continental blanket to provide warmth.

In my daily life, there is no need to routinely check, or seek
to identify, which parts of me are Indonesian and which parts
Australian. They seem to flow smoothly on autopilot.

However life apparently is fraught with problems ready to
upset anything smooth.

To begin with, despite efforts on the part of many sectors in
the communities of both countries, there are enough differences
which, in moments of crisis, often turn into land mines ready to
be detonated by irresponsible, even unwary feet.

Yes, I am talking about events such as the horrific Bali
bombings. As I monitored, minute by minute, the unfolding of the
tragedy, from phone calls as well as various radio news, I felt
increasingly powerless, distraught, angry and frustrated.

From the Australian media, I got the picture of shock,
disbelief, anger and finally overwhelming grief, as most of the
fatalities were indeed Australians, and what is worse, young
Australians on holiday. As a mother I empathized with the
distraught parents, and shared the feeling of powerlessness and
grief.

From the Indonesian press, apart from the same shock,
disbelief and anger at the senselessness of the act, I also got a
sense of fear. Fear of being increasingly vulnerable to
terrorism. While there had been some 40 bombings throughout
Indonesia since 1998, the Bali attack was by far the most
extensive, and seemingly the most carefully planned.

Fear of economic collapse, once again, tourism being Bali's
major industry at the moment, and the sort of industry that had a
wide network across the country. Fear of escalating domestic
conflict, communal conflict as well as conflicts involving the
government and some Muslim groups, with the pressure to find a
culprit quickly not only coming from inside the country, but
also, and especially, from outside, so many victims being
foreigners.

And since international attention was already heavily focused
on the al-Qaeda network, the spotlight would undoubtedly be
placed on its alleged Indonesian chapter, in this case Jamaah
Islamiyah was named.

Knowing that apart from foreign tourists there were also many
local victims, I scoured newspapers and kept my ears pricked up
for reporting about them in the Australian media. I found several
stories, admittedly usually overshadowed by the tragic and heroic
stories of Australian victims and survivors. I was not doing this
to confirm my suspicions that there were Indonesian casualties,
but because I wanted my Australian friends to know that they were
not the only victims.

And I was also seeking recognition in Australia that
Indonesians also suffered. So I was very pleased to read and hear
reporting of outpourings of sympathy from Indonesians, in Bali
and elsewhere, to the families of victims in Australia and other
countries.

I cringed, however, each time I heard comments from the
Australian forensic team and some survivors about how "atrocious"
the Balinese hospitals were, how ineffectual the Indonesian
police were and how forensically under-educated the locals were
-- they walked in and out of the bomb site making life difficult
for the international forensic team.

I cringed because I could not even deny those statements. I
told my Australian acquaintances however, whenever I was able to,
that those aspects, which to them were sources of irritation,
were facts that the locals had assimilated as part of the
complexities of life, that they were walking in and out of the
bomb site because they also had lost their friends and relatives
and were probably looking for things which may have belonged to
their loved ones, or were looking for clues to make sense of the
senseless attack.

And I noticed that when they heard my explanations, my
Australian friends would cringe too. Many, many more, however,
are still under the impression that it was all Indonesia's fault
-- for cooperating with al-Qaeda, that is.

Still emotionally bruised, I went to pick up a friend at the
airport the other day. The plane was delayed so I waited, sitting
next to a friendly man. After discovering that I was a
journalist, he said, "Oh, you're a foreign journalist?"

I was just considering how to give a short-hand explanation
about my situation, when he said, "So what do you think of the
shootings at Monash University by a Chinese student, then? Do you
think your government should stop these students coming to
Australia?"

"My government?" I asked, trying quickly to establish a
logical link.

"Yes, the Chinese government!" he said.

Good grief! Is there no respite?

-- Dewi Anggraeni