The ones left behind

By Rayni N. Massardi

"Tohir, where are you off to? Running around every afternoon!"

"Ah, Mak, the usual, just hanging out. I'm bored at home!"

"You always give me that answer. Why don't you look after your brothers and sisters at home once in a while! Look at Malik, Minah, Tumin -- they're still small. Why don't you help them with their homework...you are their older brother! Tohir! Come back here!"

Tohir didn't care, he slinked off down the alleyway, occasionally brushing back his long hair.

"I'm sick and tired of looking after other people, I never get to see my friends and enjoy the money I make without sharing it with my little brothers and sisters, my mum, and all my other relatives. Taking care of Lik, waiting for him in the communal toilet until I feel sick... Taking care of the whole world! From now on, I'm not going to care about anybody else and I'm not sharing my life with them!" Tohir resolved to himself.

After waking early in the morning, Tohir went to bathe in the public washroom at the end of the alley. Hurriedly he dressed and left the house without saying goodbye. It was his second day, the beginning of his freedom. Free from family responsibilities and obligations. For almost three years, he had been working at a printing house as a floor-sweeper, cleaning up everything and being a good little office boy. He got Rp 1,500 in food money, and a monthly wage of Rp 45,000, and this was a source of pride to him. Before he found stable work, he had moved from job to job, as a bus conductor, a ticket seller, even as an parkir man at the corner of Matraman. After a while, his friends had urged him to find a steady job, and he hit the jackpot, and was happy.

"Hir! Tohir, someone's looking for you!"

Tohir reluctantly approached the guard and found his little brother Malik.

"What are you doing here! Go home before I get fired for chatting like this! Go home!" Tohir called out to him.

Bang... Mak is looking for you. Why did you just leave this morning without a word and without luaving any money? Now there's nothing to eat at home..."

"Money! I don't have any money, I'm flat broke... The world knows I'm broke, so go home!"

"So what do I say to Mak? I'm scared of going home because Mak was crying, saying that she was sad because Bang hasn't spoken for two days...," Malik answered, shaking.

"Laughing, crying, going out, eating, sleeping, taking a stroll -- that's my own business! I'm tired of listening to all of you. Lik, you're big now and you can help us all, so it's not just me who has to think of your food, Minah's clothes, Tumin's homework, your school fees. Bankrupt! What's left for me? Start earning your own money. Don't just think of going to this and that school, where's the money going to come from? You try to earn some money, starting today -- I don't want to help anymore! Remember Lik, for almost ten years I've been helping out all you spoiled brats! Ah... who cares what you say at home!"

Malik stood dumbfounded.

The days passed, and so did the months. Years went by. Tohir was still working at the printing house. He married and had two children. He never took time out to see his mother or his little brothers and sisters. Mak was getting older, and was becoming ill. His three siblings had begun to run wild. Malik had stopped going to school and was working as a helper at a small kiosk in Slipi, selling household goods.

Their small family had fallen apart. However determined he was, the hopes and dreams of Mak Suminah's husband to have his family stay together through the good and the bad had vanished.

What was left was a dilapidated house full of people drained of spirit.

"Hir... hurry take this to the cellar. Soon they're going to check on you -- you're becoming lazy. Do you want me to report you!" shouted Komar, the supervisor.

"Don't do that Boss, my work is always good..."

"What do you mean, good? You've already been given a week off, and you're still late all the time. You're not working right! Find another place to work if you're lazy... We don't hire lazy people!"

"It's not like that Boss... lately I have had trouble sleeping because my wife is sick. We have to take care of two small children. We're still living at Agus' warung over there, so we have to accompany him playing cards, staying up late... I mean, we are his guests..."

"You're useless Hir! Your work is sloppy and all wrong! I will give you one more month, and if you're still not disciplined, I'll report you to personnel on the fourth floor!" Komar the supervisor left in a huff.

"Lik... Malik, look for Tohir. Mak misses him, how is he...," sighed Mak Suminah.

"Mak... Bang Tohir is fine, don't worry about him. Now Malik and the little ones will take care of Mak."

"I haven't seen him in a long time, maybe he's sick Lik."

"Mak... I've already told you... nobody's sick, nobody's in trouble. You're the one that's not too well Mak, and we're all worried about you... If Bang Tohir doesn't have the time to see you, forget about it. Maybe he's busy, working overtime every night, or working hard to earn money for us all... I can take care of everyone...," Malik answered, trying to ease his mother's heart.

"But find out... maybe he's sick... Mak feels bad at having to trouble other people, because he's still your brother. What if something happens and we don't know... Aduh... Tohir, where are you, Son?" cried Mak Suminah.

"Mak, don't think about Bang Tohir. He'll probably come back tomorrow... bring us some money, to see Mak, to give lots of presents for Minah and Tumin. Everything he's done so far is for us... don't think about him, or he won't be able to work, worried all the time...," Malik consoled her.

"Why didn't he say goodbye? Maybe he is mad at Mak. It's been almost three years and no word. He always took care of us. Maybe I was wrong, forcing him to stop going to school so he can make us some money..."

"If Mak continues like this, the little ones and I are going to be very sad, we're all going to be ill. Let Bang Tohir do whatever he wants. He said he wants to live on his own, to enjoy the fruits of his hard work. Maybe he's already got a family and doesn't care about us anymore... He was tired of taking care of me. Minah, Min, let him go, I don't want to bother him anymore. As a man, I can also take care of Mak and the others. Let Bang Tohir please himself, we don't need to force him to remember this family! I can do it, Mak, I'm also your son and I won't ever leave you...," said Malik, his emotions taking over.

Minah and Tumin sat by their mother who lay on a thin straw mat. Malik stood tidying up the stray ends of their small bed. He didn't want the others to see the tears that had begun trickling down her face.

Mak Suminah was thrown into confusion by Malik's angry words. Her head ached and her heart raced.

"What do you mean Lik? Where is Tohir? What is really going on with your brother... don't lie, Lik..."

Slowly Malik returned to his mother's side, clutching her hand. He stared at his mother's old wrinkled face. And...

"I'm sorry... I lied for the good of all of us, our little family. Bang Tohir doesn't want to take care of us anymore, he wants to be free. He is tired of being poor. He has a job and he wants it all for himself... But you don't have to worry, Bang Tohir is just fine. Let him be. He's got a family, and he probably worries more about them than about us. Let him! If Mak is healthy and happy, we are all happy."

"Tohir has children? When Lik... why didn't he bring them over here... What is going on Lik... Lik...," Mak Suminah cried out; she lost her calm and started weeping and wailing hysterically.

The atmosphere in Malik's house was becoming worrying. Mak Suminah's health was deteriorating, and they did all they can to treat her. Minah's behavior was becoming strange -- she rarely spoke, and spent her days daydreaming. Tumin was no better, getting wilder every day. Malik was starting to panic, so he tried to find Tohir.

But it was no use. Tohir always fobbed him off with excuses. He left a message with the guard saying he had no money. Malik panicked, and was angry, because his brother always thought that he wanted to see him only to ask for money.

Malik could no longer concentrate on his work. He was tired of being strong and heroic in front of his family. He no longer felt sure.

"Useless! I'm becoming useless in my own family! Boss is always angry, my head is confused, my life is in a mess! Everything is up in the air. Tohir thinks only about money, Min is becoming a criminal -- it's all crazy! All Minah can do is stare, Mak is getting older, brooding about Tohir all the time! From year to year there is no change. I've been working all this time for this family and nobody thinks about me, about what I've done!" Malik complained to his colleague Sudin at a warung.

Sudin kept quiet, pretending to understand the personal problems of his friend. He nodded his head, even though he was bored of Malik's incessant complaining.

"Lik... here's what you do. Rather than complain all the time while your money barely keeps you going... Working from morning to night, taking care of your aging mother, taking care of your family. Why don't you leave as well...! Go far away, live alone, take care of yourself... you can buy anything you like. It looks like now you have to make a move, do something. Don't be a sissy, scared!" Sudin said casually, as if he didn't care about Malik.

"You are crazy!" Malik shouted, and punched Sudin in the face.

The people at the warung scattered in panic, trying to save themselves, as the fight between Malik and Sudin became fiercer and fiercer and could not be stopped.

There was no happy ending. Malik was thrown into jail at the request of the warung owners. The punches Malik let fly at Sudin sent him to the hospital, and left him in critical, perhaps fatal, condition.

Mak Suminah had lost all her children who should have cared for and protected her. The Suminah family was in a shambles. Tohir was a wayward son. Tumin joined a gang of criminals who terrorized the slums. Minah, the only daughter, suddenly took off with her friends to look for a job, abandoning her mother.

Mak Suminah was now alone. She struggled to survive on what her neighbors gave her, whose lives were as difficult as hers.

"I want to live for a long time... If God gives my children the opportunity to return... I don't know if I can receive them... I don't know if I will still recognize them... I don't know... If I still have the strength to be the mother of four children...," thought Mak Suminah through the night. Through the days, through the passing years.

Translated by Dini S. Djalal

Born in Brussel on May 29, 1957, Rayni N. Massardi is a graduate of the Jakarta Institute of Journalism (1976) and Department Cinematographique, Sorbonne University (1981). Her short stories have appeared in Zaman and Kartini magazines and also in Kompas. Her story Yang Tersisa first appeared in Kompas on Feb. 13, 1994 and is included in Laki-Laki Yang Kawin Dengan Peri: Cerpen Pilihan Kompas 1995 (The Man Who Married A Fairy: An Anthology of Kompas Short Stories, 1995). It is reprinted here by courtesy of Kompas