The delicate matter of potty training takes time, patience

By Donya Betancourt

SANUR, Bali (JP): Every normal child goes through the process of learning to control the time and place of his excretory acts which is called "toilet training". The process is not really a matter of training, but a matter of helping him to do something for himself.

It is a developmental process that can be achieved only when the child is physiologically and psychologically ready. In the first year of life, physiologically the leg muscles, lower abdomen and muscles controlling the bladder and bowel are not yet fully matured, so the infants do not have the cognitive ability to control their bowel movements or the ability to understand how to.

The exact age of readiness for toilet training is when the lower parts of the body mature, which is by the time they are able to walk without support, somewhere around 18 months to 24 months. However most children are not ready at the same time. The ways that children will indicate their need for a bowel movement will vary, such as stopping an activity for a few seconds, their face turning red, or the clutching of their diaper.

Generally speaking at 24 months old, children can follow simple instructions, understand words about the toilet, and express words as needed and have an idea that certain things belong in certain places. So you can remove the diaper and put it into the toilet and talk to him about where stools should go. Children want to imitate more and more of their parents and older brothers and sisters behavior.

So it is probable to say that most developmental and cognitively normal children can begin to be trained in the second half of the second year of life, but there is no harm in waiting well into the third year. And it is useful if training can be put off until the child shows some discomfort with wet or soiled diapers such as pulling at the diaper, grunting, or use the words that were previously used by the parents i.e. pee, pee, poo, poo, etc.

Psychologically, children recognize that you are different from them and you are the most important person in their life and the person that they want to please. Wanting to please the parents is a powerful motivation for children. When they gain control of their body functions, this gives them a lot of pride. They take great pride in learning skills that they can carry out independently and they enjoy being praised for their achievements. It is preferable if the parents, rather than other adults can be the ones who work with the child in this process.

Toilet training requires parents trust in their child's desire to mature and you must be patient. The basic principle is that children should become trained of their own free will without being forced, compelled or criticized. The rewarding and praising method is more effective than punishment or disapproval for failure. Toilet teaching isn't an overnight experience, it may take weeks or months. Parents have to be ready too, it is important not to over stress or have a total laissez faire attitude.

The first step is watching for the signs of a child's readiness. Talk to him about what big kids do when they want to have a bowel movement. You can let the child get used to the toilet by sitting him on it without taking the diapers off. Explain that it is the same way daddy and mommy have bowel movements.

Creating a routine is also helpful for many toddlers. About 20 minutes after breakfast or dinner take your child to sit on the potty because when he has a full stomach there is a high tendency to have a bowel movement. Over a period of time, he is likely to achieve an occasional bowel movement and then have increasingly more frequent success.

Take off the child's diaper when a bowel movement is most likely (you can observe and notice his signs), sit him on the seat and let him try if he gets up with either success or failure, let him leave. Try another time or another day. If no success, drop it for a few weeks then try again. Toileting is an easy process if parents are sensitive enough to recognize signs that indicate physiological and psychological readiness of their child to proceed with training and then are relaxed enough to encourage their child to proceed but at his own pace. Remember that this process needs your child's caregiver to follow the same routine to avoid confusing him. The end result will be satisfaction in watching your child achieve one of the first steps to independence.

The writer is a pediatrician based in Sanur, Bali. If you have any questions, please feel free to write to her at drdonya@hotmail.com, or you can reach her through features@thejakartapost.com.