The Decision
By Sori Siregar
The phone rings. Dugano picks up the receiver. He listens to the voice saying something from the other end. He tries hard to catch what is said. He fails. The words, coming one after the other, are unclear. Dugano hangs up.
"Arrogant," was the only word Dugano heard distinctly. The rest was distorted by various thunderous sounds. Ah, it might be Amron, he thinks. He usually says that when he calls.
Every time Dugano had not called him for quite a while, "arrogant" was always the first word Amron uttered.
Amron, whose financial status is not as good as his former classmates, thinks his friends pay no attention to him. The word arrogant stems from that perceived prejudice.
But was the call really from Amron? Dugano hesitates. It could be from someone else. It is not only he who brands me arrogant, he says to himself. Am I really arrogant? Dugano starts interrogating himself.
Do I deserve to be considered arrogant just because I am so dedicated to my job and spare very little time to see my old friends? How about others whose work keeps them fully occupied?
Can they also be called arrogant?
Dugano questions himself further. He tries to recall all he has done so far. He evaluates his deeds, one after the other. Nothing wrong with them. It's weird, he thinks: why would they call him arrogant?
Is it possible they mean something else by the word? To him, it means conceited, snooty, haughty, pompous and putting on airs by belittling others.
It also means anyone with his head in the clouds or those who consider others insignificant. He wonders: Am I like that?
Before he can answer all these questions, someone knocks on the door.
Amron appears in front of him. As soon as he is inside the living room, he takes a chair and sits down.
"You are too much, Dugano. Among all of our friends you were the only one absent at Tini's burial service. James, your boss, was there. How could you be so indifferent?"
Dugano will not let himself be forced into a corner. Yes, he was not there when their classmate was buried.
But it was not because he didn't care. When the burial was held, he was so busy that he couldn't leave his office. If he had forced himself to be at the cemetery, all his business transactions would be delayed for one day.
Management theories said that should be avoided and could not be tolerated. Management matters should not be linked with emotional relations. And Dugano considered management of paramount importance.
"I was really busy when it happened, 'ron".
"But it was a matter of death, Dugan. By joining others to bring Tini to her last resting place and taking part in the burial service, it would have meant you also shared the deepest sorrow for losing a best friend. What nonsense it is if you say you had no time for that."
Dugano is silent. Amron's spray of words have made him aware that a best friend has gone forever, a member of their small group.
The smartest girl in their class in university. Tini, the daughter of a rich family, who often helped him when he ran out of cash because money from his parents had not arrived.
Tini who died giving birth to her second child.
"All members of our gang branded you arrogant beyond words for your absence. You had no time even to pay your last respects to Tini," Amron barks.
"What is it you're looking for with that kind of job? You want better pay? A sudden promotion or higher position?" Amron's voice is at an angry pitch.
Dugano refuses to say a word. He doesn't know how to reply. He knows that he rarely communicated with others except his colleagues after landing his job.
His world became narrow and compartmentalized. Unknowingly, he so often neglected everything. An invitation to a homecoming party of one of his friends who had just returned from a haj pilgrimage was also left ignored on his table.
When another friend returned from work in the Kalimantan hinterland to spend some time in Jakarta to meet friends, only Dugano did not show up. And when another friend fell ill and was hospitalized for a month, Dugano could not spare a minute to visit him.
Dugano had not only cut off the bonds of friendship. His attention to his neighbors is also decreasing. He makes up reasons for not attending routine meetings in the public hall. That is why there would be more than enough reasons to call him arrogant.
"Dugan, you can't live alone in this world. One of these days you will need others. If you keep on behaving like this no one will extend his hand when you need it," Amron says, rising to his feet. He left Dugano without another word.
Dugano reflects further. Amron is right, he thinks. My pals and others are also right, his inner voice says. Jakarta, this damned city, has changed me into a selfish person, he screams silently.
Deep down, he says: "I have to come back and become the old Dugano. Dugano who is loved by others." He is fully determined to do just that.
The next day, Dugano hands in his resignation. His boss is surprised and cannot believe what he is hearing. But Dugano has made up his mind and no one can change it. Reluctantly, his boss grants his request and gives him three months' severance pay, even though office rules state an employee who resigns of his own accord should not receive any compensation.
He is honored with the pay because his achievements and dedication are considered extraordinary.
Dugano begins meeting with those friends he used to neglect. He is also present at the routine meeting between neighbors. All welcome Dugano's changes. And Dugano also feels that he made a very important decision in his life. He sacrificed his career in order to live as a person according to others' will.
It is three months now, and the severance pay has run out. But Dugano still has no intention of finding a job. At Amron's suggestion, he starts asking his friends for support.
His friends extend financial help voluntarily. He lives for months under such aid. Then, Amron comes and unsettles him with his comments.
"Aren't you ashamed of continuously begging like that?" Amron says as they watch a film at a movie theater.
Dugano feels his blood spurting up to his head. If Amron had not said that in the theater, he would have been beaten black and blue by the strongly built Dugano.
He is so incensed that Dugano decides to go home before the show ends. He leaves Amron without saying goodbye.
Once at home, Dugano weeps. This is an extraordinary moment, the first time he has cried since he was in the sixth grade in elementary school. This special moment makes him frightened. Something may happen, he thinks. "Oh, God, please keep me away from anything bad," he screams in his heart. Later, he falls asleep.
He wakes up when the telephone rings. He listens carefully for a long moment to the voice at the other end. He nods and shakes his head repeatedly. Then he keeps on listening.
After hanging up the receiver, he is lost in thought for quite a long time. He pays no attention to several knocks on the door. Amron opens the door and says hello to Dugano. Dugano turns his head to welcome Amron. They look at one another without saying anything.
"What's up?" Amron asks him.
Dugano shakes his head again and again.
"What's up?" Amron repeats.
"A crazy decision", Dugano says softly as if to himself.
"What decision?"
"My former boss has asked me to go back to work ... "
Amron interrupts him.
"No, you will ... "
"Wait a minute, 'ron. I am requested to go back to the office without having to do any work. My duty is only to come, sit and make inspections from one room to another. Then I can leave the office."
"Every day?"
"Yes, every day. And I will get better pay for that."
Amron becomes flustered. Dugano watches his friend's bewilderment, and nods.
"That's why I call it a crazy decision. My former boss wants to make me a symbol. He feels my presence there will arouse the working spirit of the employees, which dropped to its lowest point after I resigned."
Dugano tries to convince Amron further when he sees his friend's evident confusion.
"It is not only you, 'ron. I am also perplexed. I don't believe such nonsense."
"When did go get the offer?"
"Just now, by phone. Several minutes before you came".
Amron shakes his head repeatedly.
"Don't you remember your phone hasn't been working for a week? There's some digging work for a new cable around here."
Dugano does not hear Amron. He looks far ahead, deep in thought as he makes a decision.
Sori Siregar was born in Medan, North Sumatra, on Nov. 12, 1938. A participant in the International Writing Program at the University of Iowa in 1970-71, he worked as an international broadcaster for the Indonesian section of BBC radio for a two- year stint beginning in 1972. He has contributed extensively to magazines and journals, and is the author of six novels.