Surly secretaries, English lesson

Surly secretaries, English lesson

JAKARTA (JP): English-speaking people say English is the
universal language.

I don't know about that, but I know that in Indonesia, it's
the only way to do business.

This is a story about what should be a simple procedure:
making a phone call.

My job requires making many phone calls, including to so-
called fairly important people (FIPs) I've never met. It doesn't
sound like a difficult task; at least it didn't before I moved
back to Indonesia. Now, my feelings about making these calls are
about the same as having dental surgery.

Here's a typical ordeal, in Bahasa Indonesia.

Cheerful me speaking in my most polite Indonesian: "Hello, can
I speak to Mr. So-and-so please?"

Surly Secretary: "Who's calling?"

Still cheerful me: "I'm So-and-so from such-and-such and I'd
like to talk to Mr. So-and-so about this-and-that."

Surly Secretary, getting more surly: "Who are you?"

I repeat myself, not so cheerfully.

Miss Moody: "He's busy".

I stay calm. "When should I call him?"

Potential member of the Nazi S.S. "How should I know? Call
back later."

At this point, I realize pleasantries are hopeful and whimper
my thanks.

When I call back an hour later, congeniality still escapes
Surly Secretary and her boss is still busy. I ask my questions
again and she deadpans: "Just call back later."

So for the next three days I call back, by which time I've
become familiar with the gamut of Miss Moody's surly retorts and
start imagining her in situations involving sharp objects. But
have I actually completed my mission? Well, as Surly Secretary
said: "He's busy".

Now let's reimagine the scenario, this time in English.

I dial the number, and when the person on the other line
answers, I say firmly: "My name is So-and-so and I'd like to
speak to the President Director of this company RIGHT NOW."

A nervous "um, yes" and you're on the phone with the head
honcho.

Such arrogance works every time. In Indonesia, if you want to
get anywhere, speaking Indonesian, however politely, won't get
you there. I've learned, the hard way, that an English (or
American) accent is your ticket to cracking what could
potentially resemble a kryptonite vault.

To many Indonesians, who cares that you're speaking in their
native language (and yours). Who cares that you're supporting the
government's campaigns of "Indonesianization". As the surly
secretaries prove, if you don't speak English, you're Nobody.

And it's a sad state of affairs when the biggest English-
speaking Nobody can get through to the Big Boss while a fairly
important person continues to grovel hopelessly, in Indonesian of
course. But that's developing Indonesia, fast becoming a nation
of secretaries not surly only when talked to in a foreign
language.

And it's not only surly secretaries who crumble at the sound
of unfamiliar vocabulary. I've been in the city's finest hotels
and restaurants, and I know that the finest service would require
translation for some Indonesians. As a proudly brown-skinned
Indonesian, I've received not-so-fine service in the past, unless
I wear clothes costing as much as the waiters' annual wage.

But once I order in English, attitudes change -- theirs and
mine. They flutter around suddenly haughty of me, whispering "Is
she Singaporean? Japanese? Hawaiian?" What nationality they think
I am is not the point; it's what they think I am not that
matters.

And what does that say about Indonesia's identity? Why, after
50 years as a sovereign nation, do we still regard a foreign
language as more compelling -- superior even -- than ours? Why
does a command of English, which does not necessarily imply
living overseas, command so much more respect? Were Dutch-
speaking people fussed over on the same pedestal during our
supposedly feudal years?

It's a blessing and blight perhaps, both for me and for
Indonesia. I have spent most of my life overseas, and I am now
trying to master the language I first learned. Yet all around me
are students who want me to impart yet more English idioms. Now
when I hear myself speak, I pick up affectations I didn't have in
all my years abroad. I now speak Indonesian with a slight
American accent; I wonder if I have learned that from trying to
get the respect and attention of my peers here. After nearly two
decades speaking English, I am now learning an English lesson I
probably wouldn't have learned anywhere else; how to speak
English for the sake of being perceived as different, separate
and better.

-- Suwara Sari