Sumbanese princess marries American in traditional pomp

Sumbanese princess marries American in traditional pomp

By Mehru Jaffer

JAKARTA (JP): What does a princess in this day and age do when
she decides to marry? She goes and gets married, of course,
except that the wedding is less lavish and more modest.

When Maria Angeli Dalisay Malo Djakababa, 30, the first
granddaughter of the late Raja Yoseph Malo Danggadora of Rara,
West Sumba, decided to marry, she did not realize that this would
also be the moment when her past would catch up with her. She was
like any other Indonesian youngster who was brought up mainly in
cosmopolitan Jakarta by a Sumbanese father and a mother from the
Philippines, who went to an American university to get a degree
in business management.

With so much going on in her life, Maria found just enough
time to return to vacation in the sandalwood island of Sumba
which is also famous for its fragrant cinnamon forests. She had
heard numerous stories about slavery, human sacrifices and head-
hunting among the people of Sumba, a vast majority of whom still
live by animistic beliefs, ritually keeping the balance between
Merapu, the gods of the sky above, and Nyale, the sea goddess of
the world below. But in her mind they remained just that; stories
told to her by others.

She was too busy studying and then trying to find a job to
care too much about what was happening on the hot, dry island
south of Komodo that seems to exist by itself, apart from the
main chain of islands in the Indian Ocean.

The firstborn of the only son of the Raja says that she feels
so modern, so at home in New York.

"I always thought I would have a quiet wedding with only close
relatives at my side," she told The Jakarta Post during one of
the traditional ceremonies that took place in full regalia at her
home in Permata Hijau, South Jakarta.

All that changed when one day she found Cliff, now her
husband, down on his knees proposing to her. Without having given
much thought earlier to what it meant to be Sumbanese, Maria said
that her entire background floated past her and she heard herself
exclaim, "Oh my God, how does Cliff fit into all this?"

When Maria and Cliff called Jakarta from the U.S. to inform
the family that they wanted to marry, her father, Cornelius Malo
Djakababa, roared: "Whoever heard of giving his daughter away on
the telephone?"

Although this is a family that has been modernizing itself
since the turn of the last century, it still believes that there
is a way of doing things. The main aim of man, the Sumbanese
believe, is to maintain a peaceful and fruitful relationship with
the marapu, or ancestral spirits.

Observing all the customs and rules and performing necessary
rituals is to keep the dead happy so that the living can get on
with life.

It is believed that the living can never experience harmony
and prosperity if their ancestors are restless and unhappy. The
exchange of many gifts at marriages is symbolic of the prosperity
that is wished for the newlyweds. Marriages are performed not
just for individual pleasure but also symbolize the continuity of
life, fertility and healthy harvests. The exchange of animals
between the two families involved in a wedding represents worldly
riches, while the generous gifts made of the beautifully
embroidered ikat stands for merging, blending, bonding -- just
like the tying and dying of threads and colors weaved into cloth.

After being told the deeper meaning of marriage, Maria started
to look forward to the wedding ceremonies. Being a practical
person, she was concerned about wasteful expenditure. But when
she was told by an army of aunts that this was to be the first
grand wedding in the family after 40 years, she gave up. At some
point she started to even enjoy all the fuss that was made over
her.

"I had always been daddy's little princess but today everybody
makes me feel like one. And I am enjoying it thoroughly," Maria
said with stars in her eyes.

When Cliff arrived with his American family in Jakarta, he was
led to Maria's house and told to knock on the door through a
mediator, to give his name and purpose of his visit. And only
after the girl's family was convinced of Cliff's noble intention
and accepted the mamoli, a miniature replica of a woman's womb in
gold brought by him as a gift, did the gongs beat once more, the
drums rolled on and Sumbanese dancers performed in gay abandon.

It is not enough in traditional societies for only the boy and
the girl to know each other. The two families have to accept each
other as well and to mediate in the future between the couple in
times of both misunderstandings and joy.

Since Maria's family is Catholic, a church wedding took place
in Jakarta and another one at Weetabula Cathedral of the Holy
Spirit in Sumba last Saturday when she, the pride of her family
and one of Sumba's best daughters, was showered with blessings
and prayers that are meant to follow her wherever she goes.

The culmination of the week-long celebrations take place on
Sunday, when the moon has not quite waned, and the newlywed
couple will enter the ancestral village of Puurkarudi on the
border of Rara on foot to light candles at the door of the hidden
world of the late Raja of Rara and his wife. In return, water
will be sprinkled upon the newlyweds as a sign of blessing from
the ancestor, gone but not forgotten.

Djakababa, a Jakarta-based businessman and hotelier, insists
this is the real spirit behind all the dance and drama of Sumba
where life is considered incomplete without the blessing of
elders, whether they are dead or still alive.