Staying true to the spirit of fasting month all year round
When the fasting month of Ramadhan arrived last Monday, my boyfriend suddenly turned into Mr. Prude.
He refused any form of physical contact except for holding hands, telling me solemnly that we had to control our behavior to respect the holy month.
Of course, Miss Slutty me objected. First, we have never been particularly religious and we would certainly be looked down upon by our hard-line brethren for our "secular" lifestyle (this includes social drinking, hanging out with a gay-friendly crowd and having a pro-choice attitude).
Even though I am fasting, too, my boyfriend's attitude left me speechless, especially because I know for certain that he does not intend to become a preacher in the mold of Aa Gym after this Ramadhan is over.
"Come on, it's only for one month. After Ramadhan is finished, we can do whatever we want," he said.
This struck me as a double standard, if not hypocrisy.
I know I'm not the nicest person on earth, but I believe that the quest to be a better person should be pursued all year long, not just during one particular month.
The month is a blessing for believers, and it is a special time to reflect and improve ourselves as we abstain from all worldly pleasures from dawn to dusk.
But I think it's a pity that such a good and valuable time is misused by some as they suddenly try to be holier than thou -- for a limited time only.
A few days before Ramadhan, people were suddenly sending me SMS messages and e-mails, asking for forgiveness for past wrongdoings so they could observe Ramadhan with a clear conscience.
For me, a firm believer in apologizing at the right time -- not waiting for the holy month to come around and then "clean house" all at once -- these "belated" apologies struck me as strange.
More odd behavior appeared, for example, a colleague insisted that we had to wait until breaking the fast to hear the latest rumor about our bosses.
And for some women, menstruation -- cramps and all -- really does become their most welcome friend during the month.
"Hurray! I got my period, I got my period!" screamed my aunt happily, who had earlier looked like a starved vampire.
Every year, when Ramadhan comes, we have to put up with the endless pros and cons about the closure of entertainment spots.
It's all pointless and hollow, because the massage parlors and discos all reopen once the month is over.
I do not put the blame on us regular folk. What is at fault is the ceremonial, condemnatory focus of many of our teachings.
Instead of acknowledging the fact that we are human, with all our attendant failings and foibles, we put our masks on and pretend that everything will be OK if we devoutly follow the rules ... at least during the holy month.
Life's journey is so difficult anyway, so I have decided it's best to take my own path, doing my best to be a good person each and every day while accepting that there may be a few slip- ups.
However, thinking about my tight-lipped colleague and my ravenous aunt, I do see the benefit of Ramadhan in that it teaches us the importance of striving to control ourselves, all year round.
That is why I no longer mock my boyfriend for his holy month conversion. Although, in the spirit of fair play, I think I will continue the "hands-off" policy for a bit longer than the month!
-- Indira Husin