Son of mixed marriage speaks up

Aswin, not his real name, is a 28-year-old writer living in Jakarta, his mother is a Muslim, while his father is a Christian.

The government should not interfere in the citizens' right to choose who they want to marry. If a man and a woman of different faiths want to live together, it is their right to do so. The government should not make the decision for them.

I understand that the intent of the law is good. In theory, people who share the same religion will have less to quarrel about. But having the same faith is no guarantee for a solid marriage. Couples who go to church together one week, could be divorced the next week. All that is needed for a strong marriage is the love and commitment of two individuals, which cannot be regulated by any government regulation.

My father and mother have been married for 31 years and still counting. Throughout my life, I have never seen them quarrel or bicker because of their different beliefs. My father fasts during Ramadhan so that my mother feels more comfortable. My mother happily cooks extravagant meals for us during Christmas. Our family is as tight-knit as a family can get. Does the government really think that my parents should not have gotten married?

I also know a lot of interfaith married couples. Most of them are happy together. A few have divorced, but not one couple has said that they got divorced because of religious issues.

I will never forget how difficult it was for one of my best friends, who is a Muslim, to get married to his long-time girlfriend, who is a Christian.

The couple had been planning a wedding for months but could not find an official who was willing to conduct the ceremony because of their different faiths.

They even went to court because they had heard rumors that a judge could make a legal exception to the rule. The judge heard testimony from the couple and from their friends, including me, who could attest to their commitment to each other. After spending two months in the legal system and paying Rp 6 million, they obtained a court document that stated that "legally, they were allowed to wed." However, when they showed this document to the civil registrar who would record their marriage, they were turned down. But, because these two were madly in love, they kept on pursuing avenues so that they could legally marry.

About a month later, my friend called me during lunch and asked me to cancel all my plans for the night because they had finally found an official who was willing to marry them despite their different religions.

When I arrived that evening, there were only five of us gathered in the room for the celebration: the bridge and groom, a priest and two witnesses, including myself.

There were no flowers. Nobody was dressed for the occasion, especially the bridge and groom. Nobody brought cameras. The couple did not even have time to pick up their wedding bands.

And although the whole ceremony lasted less than 10 minutes, it was the most beautiful wedding I have ever witnessed. The vows that they exchanged were pure and true. They realized that their love had overcome several obstacles and that they will always have each other at the end, no matter what anybody or any government says.

After that night, I realized how crazy things are here. I mean, here were two people who cared about each other enough to want to marry. All they wanted was recognition from the state that their love for each other was binding. All that trouble just for a piece of paper. How absurd.