Social constraints push RI gays into closet

By T. Sima Gunawan

SURABAYA (JP): Didi, a junior high student, wondered why his heart pounded wildly every time he saw his good-looking male teacher or older schoolmates.

"I had a girlfriend then, but my feelings towards boys were stronger," he confessed.

He ended the relationship when he realized that he was interested in people of the same sex last year.

"I was shopping when a man approached me. We talked ... and I knew from his actions that he was gay," the 26-year-old man said.

He was happy to find out he was not alone.

There are many homosexuals in the country, but most of them remain in the closet because of social, cultural and psychological constraints. They hide their sexual identity from their families, colleagues and neighbors in fear of being scolded, insulted or condemned. Others simply prefer to keep their sexuality private.

Telling their families is not easy. Didi, for example, said his mother was shocked when he told her about his sexual orientation. It took her sometime before she could accept it.

Budi, a thirty year-old gay, has never discussed his homosexuality with his parents, but he is sure they know.

"I knew since I was a kid that I was interested in men, but I didn't dare explore my sexuality. I was depressed, ashamed and felt inferior," Budi explained.

His life changed in 1990 when he read a magazine story about Gaya Nusantara, the Indonesian Gay Network. He has met new friends, who have given him support and relief, through the network.

Gaya Nusantara was established in 1986 in Surabaya by Dede Oetomo, a graduate of Cornell University. Other groups of gay, lesbian and cross dressers are also found in Surabaya and in major cities across the country.

The first organization of its kind, Lamda Indonesia, was formed in 1982, but it lasted only two years.

Reog dance

Homosexuality has been practiced in Indonesia for centuries. In East Java, the warok, the leader of traditional Reog dance troop, had younger male lovers, while lesbianism was found among concubines in the old Central Javanese kingdom.

Many people, however, frown upon homosexuality. A few years ago, the Indonesian Council of Ulema lashed out at homosexual people and blamed them for the spread of AIDS. State Minister of Population Haryono Suyono said, after returning from Cairo's World Population Congress in September, that homosexual relationships were against Indonesian values.

Cross-dressers are better accepted, though not always in the positive way. It is common for male comedians to dress as women to get a laugh. Some street singers do the same to move people.

Dede has been in a monogamous relationship with Ruddy Mustapha for 12 years. So far there hasn't been any trouble from his colleagues or neighbors.

Social pressure has forced many gay people to marry and have children.

"If I had the choice, I would not have married," Yunita, a beautiful woman in her early 30s, said. "I would have preferred to remain single with a lot of friends. That would be fun." She is married to a successful businessman.

She said most of her friends were gay.

"I like making friends with gay men. It's safe, they don't harass me," she said.

Asked if she still has any interest in women, Yunita laughed. "Yes and no." She refused to say more.

Even though the government does not formally acknowledge the existence of homosexual people, it cannot deny that there are a number of government officials and public figures who are gay. The government's attitude seems to correspond with the public's view of homosexual people. Leave them alone, as long as they remain in the closet.

"Generally, the public is not homophobic," Dede said.

As a lecturer at the state Airlangga University, Dede said that in 1987, he was questioned by the rector's assistant after the now defunct Tempo magazine exposed his activities in Gaya Nusantara. Dede was told then not to relate the university with the gay network, but no action was taken against him.

Dede, who will celebrate his 41st birthday next week, did not have any problem telling his family in 1974.

"My family favors science. I quoted the argument of the American Psychiatrists' Association that homosexuality is not a disease, and that was it," he said.

Accept reality and face its consequences is Dede's advice to homosexual people.

"Be yourself. If you have problems, face them. Don't be overpowered by low self-esteem," he said.