Sleeping with parents all right
Dear Dr. Donya,
Thank you very much for your very interesting and parent- supporting articles. We refer, in particular, to your article in The Jakarta Post about it being a good habit for small children to fall asleep on his/her own or, in case he/she wakes up in the night, to go back to sleep on his/her own. This applies to the time when the child is around and or younger than six months of age.
We have a problem regarding this. Our daughter, who is almost 2 years old, has the habit of falling asleep accompanied by us (mainly the mother, and sometimes the father) in a big bed in her room.
Afterwards, if it is night, we transfer her to the crib. During the day, she normally continues to sleep with her mother in the big bed or, if her mother wants get up, some pillows are used to avoid the child falling out.
After reading your article, we have tried to force our daughter to fall asleep alone in the crib. The result was that after about 10 minutes of coping with crying and screaming (for her mother), we had to back down.
We have the perception that, perhaps, this habit cannot be changed suddenly, but rather little by little. Are we wrong, and should we force things more?
If it is really a bad habit for children to fall asleep with the parents, as you clearly suggest, and considering our specific conditions, what could the consequences of this habit be for our daughter, and what should be done to change this bad behavior?
We thank you again for your kind and precious support in the difficult job of being parents, and we are looking forward to receiving your kind suggestions on the matter.
--Gianni and Yeyen
Dear Parents,
The family bed is a common situation in Asia and within my own home. This type of sleeping arrangement is more a choice of the parents than the child and making the move from the family bed to the child's own bed is also a matter of choice.
Typically there are several motivators for moving the child into his/her own bed, one obvious reason being space. The larger your child becomes the less room the parents will have to sleep.
I cannot see any negative results from having your daughter sleep with you. And yes, you are correct. When you are ready to move her to her own room it will be less traumatic for her to do it gradually. --Dr. Donya