Sleeping with parents all right

Sleeping with parents all right

Dear Dr. Donya,

Thank you very much for your very interesting and parent-
supporting articles. We refer, in particular, to your article in
The Jakarta Post about it being a good habit for small children
to fall asleep on his/her own or, in case he/she wakes up in the
night, to go back to sleep on his/her own. This applies to the
time when the child is around and or younger than six months of
age.

We have a problem regarding this. Our daughter, who is almost
2 years old, has the habit of falling asleep accompanied by us
(mainly the mother, and sometimes the father) in a big bed in her
room.

Afterwards, if it is night, we transfer her to the crib.
During the day, she normally continues to sleep with her mother
in the big bed or, if her mother wants get up, some pillows are
used to avoid the child falling out.

After reading your article, we have tried to force our
daughter to fall asleep alone in the crib. The result was that
after about 10 minutes of coping with crying and screaming (for
her mother), we had to back down.

We have the perception that, perhaps, this habit cannot be
changed suddenly, but rather little by little. Are we wrong, and
should we force things more?

If it is really a bad habit for children to fall asleep with
the parents, as you clearly suggest, and considering our specific
conditions, what could the consequences of this habit be for our
daughter, and what should be done to change this bad behavior?

We thank you again for your kind and precious support in the
difficult job of being parents, and we are looking forward to
receiving your kind suggestions on the matter.

--Gianni and Yeyen

Dear Parents,

The family bed is a common situation in Asia and within my own
home. This type of sleeping arrangement is more a choice of the
parents than the child and making the move from the family bed to
the child's own bed is also a matter of choice.

Typically there are several motivators for moving the child
into his/her own bed, one obvious reason being space. The larger
your child becomes the less room the parents will have to sleep.

I cannot see any negative results from having your daughter
sleep with you. And yes, you are correct. When you are ready to
move her to her own room it will be less traumatic for her to do
it gradually.
--Dr. Donya