Sissy

By Sori Siregar

The gate opened after he said his name, and he stepped in. On the porch, his mother greeted him with a hug.

"You needed only to call, the driver could have picked you up," his mother said as she loosed herself.

"Oh, there was no need to. The Damri bus took me to Blok M. It only took five minutes to get here by taxi."

Her mother looked at him fondly.

"Is that all you have?" she asked, pointing to a small suitcase Dalmer put next to the table.

"It's only a two-day seminar, Mother."

Mother and son disappeared into the house.

The servant ran bringing a mobile phone to Sissy who was sunbathing by the pool. She looked excited during her conversation with the caller. Then she quickly got up to see her husband who was reading a newspaper in the living room.

"Dalmer landed this afternoon," Sissy shouted to him.

"Oh, really. How come he didn't tell us?"

"Mother was the only one who was told. He said he's here only for two days for a seminar. Can we see him tonight?"

Her husband nodded. Sissy hurried to the bathroom after a dip in the pool and an hour spent enjoying the afternoon sun that was still drenching her backyard.

The two siblings chose the corner near the piano to chat.

"Father actually wants you back here as soon as possible. As a commissioner in the textile company, he does not need to go to the office. But, he goes there everyday, anyway. He gets bored staying at home all day long, that's what he said. It seems Father was not prepared to retire. He feels that he's still in the productive age. Luckily, while he was still working, he had a good relationship with Pak Karta and when he retired, Pak Karta made him a commissioner. If it wasn't for that, you can imagine how he would have suffered from having to stay at home all day," Sissy gushed.

"But mother is here, isn't she?" asked Dalmer.

"That's right. But you know her. She just moves from one Koran reading to another. They see each other only at night to have a chat and watch TV."

"But then, if I were here I would be working during the day and the house would be empty anyway."

"At least Mother is not Father's only companion. Father seems delighted when he can talk about just anything with his children. I can tell that, since every time I come over, he just keeps talking about everything, family problems, Jakarta's traffic that is getting worse, sports, even politic matters that I don't understand."

Dalmer laughed. He scanned Sissy's face that still looked like a child's although she was a mother of two children. He was very close to his only sister. Every time Dalmer returned to Jakarta, Sissy never forgot to cook lamb curry for her brother.

"Sis, I'm very happy working in that rubber plantation. My agricultural education seems right for my present job. Living in the rural area like that is actually quite nice. You see, I look fatter since I've gained five kilos," he said, raising his hand.

Sissy touched the bulging muscles on her brother's arm.

"I know that's not the real reason."

"What, then?"

"Your principle. You want to be independent."

"Is that wrong?"

"No. It's just ..."

"Just what?"

Sissy looked deeply into her brother's eyes.

"Your suspicion towards father. It seems too much."

Sissy waited for her brother's reaction. Dalmer turned away and looked at the street through the window. He took a deep breath.

"I don't have any suspicion towards father," he stated. He remained quiet for a while.

"I'm just being rational. Considering father's income, we could not have been this rich."

Dalmer was silent again. It was too hard for him to talk about his parents who had raised, clothed, fed and sent him to school.

"But you and mother never question that. It seems that everything we own is really ours. Still, I keep wondering. Was father's income really that big? Didn't we take someone else's share?"

"Do you mean corruption?" Sissy quipped in.

"I didn't say that. I just do not feel good about it. That was why I rarely asked for money from either father or mother. Since the first semester in college I started working part-time. Sometimes I worked as a translator, organized seminars or events for commercial radios, or worked as a part time editor for a publisher. I felt better that way, enjoying the money I earned myself."

"Father and mother have been talking about that. Other people's children usually enjoy what their parents provide them with before they finish school and start to work. You were, instead, avoiding their help and worked to earn money as if your parents could not pay for your education."

Dalmer wanted to argue with his sister and make her better understand his point. But his father's voice cut short their conversation.

"Come on, don't talk in the corner, the two of you. Kus is here also, isn't he?" Sissy's husband, who heard his name being mentioned, smiled. The two siblings finally joined the others and the conversation moved to different topics.

Disturbed and unable to sleep, Sissy got up from her bed and walked to her dressing table. Her husband woke up when she turned on the light.

"I'm not sleepy," said Sissy before her husband could say anything.

"Is it about Dalmer again?"

No answer. Kuswan understood well his wife's problem.

"If he has chosen to work in that rubber plantation, why not? He loves being there, anyway."

"That is not what I am concerned with. Dalmer loves being there because he suffers being here."

"Oh, come on."

"It's true, though. Three days ago I met Thamrin when I was drawing some money from the bank. Thamrin is Dalmer's best friend. Once I started talking about Dalmer, he asked me to go for a drink right away, and we talked for a while. Several times he said 'Dalmer, Dalmer' every time I told him Dalmer had not changed, always lived a simple life."

Kuswan did not respond. He let his wife continue talking.

"I suspected something was wrong from the way Thamrin looked at me. It's lie he was trying to keep something from me and felt sorry for me. I finally could not take it anymore. I insisted that he tell me the whole story. 'If there is something I have to know about Dalmer, tell me. Please, tell me, Mas Thamrin.' He looked up -- tight and confused, but he just kept quiet. I felt vexed that I almost cried. So, I asked him once again. Finally, he told me."

After the last sentence, Sissy stopped. Kusman waited. They both looked at each other.

"I'm very close to Dalmer. Even in high school I still gave him back rubs whenever he got tired after soccer. We went to school together, saw the movies together. I even feel that I'm closer to him than to my parents. But in fact, although I'm that close to Dalmer, I do not know much about him, not to mention my parents," explained Sissy, now close to tears.

Once she regained her composure, Sissy started to talk again.

"He started to feel the pain since the first grade in high school. He sensed that there was something fishy in the house. Economically, we were happy. We were financially comfortable, we could be considered wealthy. Dalmer could not accept the fact. For him, there was no way father could have given us that much wealth with his income as a high-ranking government official. He did not understand why mother and I accepted that as non- exceptional. For him, we were in a highly odd condition. However, as a child who was raised in this kind of situation since primary school, he did not want to show his apprehension openly to me and mother, because he felt something was not right only after he reached high school. He did not want to hurt my feelings or mother's. He was afraid of being accused of suspecting his own father, something which is not supposed to be felt by a child. He confided only to Thamrin, since he was Dalmer's best friend. Although he never said that father committed embezzlements, he told Thamrin that there was something unusual about our wealth. This odd feeling made him suffer and feel uncomfortable at home. Can you imagine, how long he suffered for that before he left home and worked in that rubber plantation?"

Silence gripped the room. Kusman just looked down, speechless. Finally, after a while, Kusman's voice was heard.

"You told me a while ago that Dalmer suspected father. How did you know that? When Dalmer came over here for the last seminar, you even used the word corruption when you asked about his attitude towards father. How could you think that far?"

"Once, when we were having lunch after school, he accidentally said 'hopefully all we see right now is halal'. I asked him what he meant by that, and he quickly answered, 'I mean, every time we are going to enjoy God's gifts, do not forget to say bismillah'. I immediately forgot about the incident on the dinner table. But, when we were talking near the piano that night, Dalmer's shocking words suddenly started echoing in my ear. That was why I asked him why he suspected father. It was something I did in the spur of the moment. I knew from his halting answer and the way he took a deep breath that I had hit the nail on the head."

Kusman nodded. Sissy took a long, deep breath. The air- conditioner made the room feel cold. Kusman reached for the remote control and lowered the temperature from medium to low.

"Come on, let's go to sleep now. We can continue talking about this tomorrow. The important thing is, now you know your brother."

Kusman laid down and pulled the blanket. Sissy did not move from her chair. Kusman yawned but his wife continued to sit quietly on the chair next to the dressing table. He turned away from her and said, "Go to sleep, Sissy Spacek, you are supposed to be proud to have a brother like him. Instead of keeping on fighting his own conscience, isn't it better for him to have that kind of attitude? May be he wants to be a hero, not for others, just for himself. Do you remember why he called you Sissy Spacek? Your name is Sisiwati. He admires the actress' big talent even though she does not have a very beautiful face. For him, Sissy Spacek is beautiful because of her artistic ability and quality. People like your brother are quite rare, you know."

Hearing no respond from his wife, Kusman turned towards Sissy.

"For Dalmer, you are not just beautiful, but also full of ability and quality. Is there any more flattering compliment than that?"

Sissy stood up and started to walk to the bed. She laid down slowly next to her husband.

"But I haven't proved it. I will never be able to prove it, because I will never tell neither father nor mother anything I know about Dalmer. I love Dalmer, so do my parents. Dalmer loves us too. I do not want the family's peace disturbed just because one of the family members is holding onto his principles. Let him be a wonderful son in the eyes of my parents. For me, he is a very noble brother."

There was no response. The night was crawling and getting old. Sissy had fallen asleep with a smile on her face.

Translated by Thalia Kamarga

Sori Siregar was born in Medan, North Sumatra in November 1939, as Sori Sutan Sirovi Siregar. He has been a frequent contributor to Indonesia's leading journals since 1960.