Shop till you're broke or a Y2K bug saves you

By E. Effendi

Many people have asked me about the best way to celebrate the end of this year.

Usually, when the one who asked me was a guy, I suggested that he should go bungee jumping with a stripper, which caused him to get very excited, and never socialize with me again.

But, lately some women have asked me that same question, to which I answered that they should boost their husband's credit card activity at the shopping malls, based on the fact that I knew they would anyway, because this is the perfect time to go shopping. December is like the only month of the year when it is okay to buy things 10 times the total available money you have, sometimes more.

Unfortunately, most of it is spent on gifts for everybody but you.

There are many people here that have made giving away gifts to their friends and relatives a habit they do every year-end, and there will be more people following them unless they want to be hated by their friends. And do you know who was the first to forecast the dawning of this trend? You guess it right, Nostradamus.

No, I am talking about the shopping malls managers. They spotted this trend way before we did and anticipated it by making a holiday sale or year-end sale, in which they give you many shopping benefits, like price discounts, door-prizes and disgruntled sales clerks.

However, do not forget that they are not just giving those discounts and prizes to everybody in the malls. No, they only give it to a group of qualified people who have passed a very competitive selection process: having bought a single item in those malls, and answering "Yes" when asked whether he wants a price discount.

I know that these year-end benefits will attract you to buy everything in the mall. Especially when you've got the children asking for one of those "Pentium III inside" computers, which are easily available at Sumber Mulia. So, for all of you who want to control your spending when you do your year-end shopping, here is how: Never look too curious at any one item. Because the sales clerk will notice that you are interested and he will then follow you around, including to the bathroom, to explain the superiority of that merchandise. But if that has already happened, you should wave your hand at the sales clerk and shout the famous Arnold Schwarzenegger phrase "I'll be back!"

But, believe me, that is not half as stupid as thinking you can control your spending at year-end sales.

The problem is, you probably won't realize how much you have spent until you tally it all up at the cashier counter. Only then will you realize that you've bought enough clothes for every member of your endlessly arriving family, leaving you no choice but to pay for them using your credit card, and move to a deserted island before you receive the bill.

I do not mean to suggest that all year-end shopping experiences are dangerous to your pocket. Sometimes they can be unhealthy for your health, too, depending on who stands behind you at the cashier counter. This month, that counter usually has a long line formed to the parking lot; a line where you can find yourself standing for a very long time, in front of a variety of people, from a multilevel marketing agent with a cell phone to a mom who has brought a loudly shrieking baby. This can be a painful experience for your ears, both of them, but you cannot "shush" them, especially the baby, unless you want to look cruel to everybody there, including the mall's Santa Claus.

However, while you are waiting in line, you can find something to observe, like the decorations. Every mall is filled with beautiful holiday-themed decorations from top to bottom, which I can hardly see because there are too many people blocking my view. Remember that these decorations are put there to make your shopping convenient. Sure, it is hard to know where to go because all the stores are decorated the same, but if you are lost in that mall, sometimes for 14 days at a time, you may no longer want to buy anything, thereby saving your wealth.

I would love to continue discussing this year-end sale, but unfortunately, I have to go and buy gifts to make people like me happy. So, to sum up, I want to remind you that, at the end of this millennium, let's go shopping with one hope in our minds. The hope that on Jan. 1, 2000, the Y2K bugs will wipe out all of our credit card records.