School cliques: What it's worth to fit in
Hera Diani, The Jakarta Post, Jakarta
In the latest local teen flick Ada Apa Dengan Cinta? (What's Up With Love?), the main character is a girl named Cinta whose life orbits around her group of four girlfriends.
They do everything together, making sure to always wear the same style of fashion, and write all of their experiences in a confessional diary.
It really is so high school, isn't it? Ring a bell about your own experience, or someone you know?
Cliques are part of teenagers' life in the search for self- identity. They provide a boost of confidence and sense of belonging as part of a group, especially if it is a popular one.
The usual groups found at most high schools include the rich kids, who typically drive fancy cars and hang out in swank cafes; the jocks or sports people, who spend all their time at practice; the pretty girls; the teenagers who hang out all the time and know people from every school in town; the trendy teens in the latest fashions, even though they wear uniforms; the nerds; the guys in bands. Of course, there are many others, too.
Mia, 26, recalled with a laugh a clique at her old high school.
"Back then, we used to make fun of this group of girls who called themselves 'eight venuses'. They were so vain and ridiculous! They always had the same hairstyle. Once they had the exact same style of fringe, so we called them KPT, for Kelompok Poni Tinggi (High Fringe Group)," she said.
"But the great thing is, they're still friends up to now, while, from my own group, I don't even know where are some of them are now."
Cliques are fun when you are part of a crowd, but things can be hellish if you are a loner and don't belong to any group, or your group of friends is the target of mockery from others.
If you are like Rangga, Cinta's object of affection in Ada Apa, who is comfortable with being a loner, no problem.
But, remember Carrie, Heathers, Romy and Michelle's High School Reunion and Never Been Kissed, Hollywood's take on the real bad times that can happen when one is not part of the "in" crowd?
Most teenagers only want to be acknowledged and accepted by their peers, so when they are a misfit, even if their experience is nowhere near as bad as in a Tinseltown teen vehicle, life can be pretty tough.
Dawson's Creek actress Michelle Williams, for example, said that she did not belong to any group in high school and sometimes had to eat her lunch in the toilet.
Being a misfit in high school was also the worst experience that Wulan, 21, ever had in her life.
"I was a fat girl. Not really obese, but I was fat. So, everyone teased me and call me names. That was horrible," she said.
She found an escape in studying, which led to her being given another undesirable label: nerd.
Although she has lost some of the weight and gained confidence, Wulan admitted that it was a traumatic experience.
"And you know what, I still feel nervous every time I get around a popular group," she said.
Some teens will do anything in the quest for acceptance in a particular group.
Psychologist Irwanto from Atmajaya University in Jakarta said that cliques were part of being a teenager and growing up.
"It's natural for their age. And I see that from time to time, the pattern is similar, only the medium that is different."
The problem is peer pressure, he said, especially if a group encourages things like drugs, sex and violence.
"The problem occurs because the kids are not used to saying no. They do what the group tells them to. They get involved in drugs and brawls just because their group says they should, in the name of so-called solidarity," he said.
Therefore, Irwanto said, it is important that parents build effective communication with their children.
"Parents must teach the children to have principles. Don't just get angry and judgmental with them. If the relationship is bad, they will listen to their friends more," he said.
And, for teens who feel that cliques rule their lives, remember people like Michelle Williams and that, one day, high school will just be a memory.