Reform means never having to say you are sorry

Reform means never having to say you are sorry

JAKARTA (JP): First thing in the morning of every Lebaran
(Moslem Holiday), after praying, I have to accept apologies from
my wife, my sons, my daughter-in-law and my granddaughter.

I say "I have to" because it is very unlikely that those
loving creatures have made any mistakes to apologize for. It is
just our tradition on the special day to forgive each other
whole-heatedly, by saying "Maaf lahir batin".

Although the expression is some kind of cliche, it has never
lost its sincerity. I always have a lump in my throat every time
I have an apologizing hug. And it has been going on that way
since God knows when.

"Even Kokom and Fatime forgive each other," purred Stephanie.

Kokom and Fatime are two neighboring widows who have been
deadly enemies since they knew each other. On Lebaran, however,
they hug each other and say "Maaf lahir batin" albeit, the next
day, they will start their traditional rivalry and bout of
bickering.

"Unfortunately that apologizing tradition exists only within
common people," complained Hendro. He is a computer expert who
happens to be among my eating group called The Bullshitters.

At that particular time, we were having lunch at Casablakang
(an economy-class Padang-food restaurant behind tall buildings
around the area of Casablanca, South Jakarta). As always, the
occasion was filled with hot argumentation. "Those who are
supposed to give good examples, do not believe in apologizing."

"Are we talking about the chairman of the ruling party who
refused to apologize for what his group of politicians have done
to this country?" rattled Winayoko.

"Yes, that's the topic. And also about a minister who made an
insulting statement causing a wave of protest."

"As far as I understand," interjected Syahwan, scooping a
spoon of chili sauce, "that minister in question has apologized."

"Yes, reluctantly, dutifully and arrogantly, without admitting
his mistake."

"Well, arrogance is the pure characteristic of power. You've
got to live with it."

"How about that party leader? Don't you think he has to do the
same?"

"And what, in the name of anything holy, makes you think he
has to apologize?" I demanded hotly. "He hasn't made any
mistakes."

"Well ... of course not. But, it is a general truth," Hendro
insisted. "Everybody knows about it."

"Where have you been?" retorted Roostamhadi. "Whatever you say
nowadays should come with evidence. Otherwise, you'll be accused
of humiliation, defamation, harassment, or anything the
authorities may come up with. Take it from Aditjondro, Amien and
Christianto. Those guys are facing knee-deep problems for what
they say."

"This is a country of justice and everything must be done in
accordance to the prevailing rules and regulations. Everything
must be done constitutionally. That's what our leaders say every
time they take a breath," gasped Erwin, trying to get used to the
hot but delicious rendang. "And, there is no single paragraph in
our laws and regulations that says anything about obligations to
apologize."

"All right. But what about morality? Don't you think anybody
who makes mistakes has some kind of moral obligation to
apologize?"

"That's right. The trouble is, they don't feel like having
made any mistakes. Why should they apologize? And if you demand
an apology, you must do it constitutionally," I replied,
borrowing the battle cry of those political celebrities.

Hendro was silent for a considerably long time, unable to go
for further argument. Feeling like a winner, I nudged him. "Now
go home and take care of your family sembako needs (basic needs).
Let Mr. Akbar take care of the government things."

"Wait a minute! Somebody has to be held responsible for what
this nation has gone through. Isn't that relevant to my demand
for an apology?"

"It's the responsibility of the government, not a certain
party leader," I offered. "And the so-called government was
assigned by the House of Representatives through the General
Assembly. And you, people, are the ones who elected the members
of the House through the general election. And you are
responsible for what you have to endure. Now, could you pass me
the sambal (chili), please?"

"You are beginning to sound like a politician," chimed Aspita,
who had been silent during the discussion.

"He sure does. And talking about politicians, don't you think
they need to have a sense of sensitivity? I mean, people are now
demanding an apology. And there's nothing magic about it. Even
the head of the Armed Forces apologized. Why can't the party do
the same?"

"Maybe they are just insensitive or, better yet, indifferent.
They just don't listen to the voices of people and don't give a
damn how people feel."

"Yeah. For sensitivity, they might have to take it from Dr
Dolittle!"

Dr Dolittle is a caring character in a movie currently
showing, played by Eddie Murphy. Busy as he is, the medical
doctor "listens" to the voices of sick animals ignored by
veterinarians. He repeatedly says he is sorry, even to a couple
of dirty rats. He puts his million-dollar deal at stake just to
cure a sick tiger.

"That kind of sensitivity, ladies and gentlemen, is what our
leaders should adopt," said Roostamhadi. "At least they can say
sorry whenever it is due." With that, the argument was concluded
as nobody disagreed.

And I would like to apologize to the participants for
publishing this "minutes of meeting" for my readers.

-- Carl Chairul