Reentry, reverse culture shock and neurosis

This week's Metro Mad is a little bit different from the norm. As your shell-shocked correspondent is currently on vacation in his hometown of London, he thought that he'd undertake the kind of comparative study that local Indonesian councilors are often criticized for.

He will, however, actually attempt to draw some conclusions from the experience as opposed to gambling the regional budget away down the casino (allegedly). Thanks also to the information highway super net, or whatever it's called, the following report was able to zip its way back to the Big Durian considerably faster than sitting in an Air Malaysia economy class seat for 15 bloody hours while the deep vein thrombosis takes hold.

So, how's the reverse culture shock syndrome coming along then?

Well, a few prescient differences between London's first world affluence and Jakarta's pell-mell circus have made themselves clear. Recent attempts at public transportation reform such as the Busway, the 3-in-1 car policy and the prospective monorail have their parallel in London's recently raised congestion charge. It will now cost you pretty steep (around Rp 150,000!!) to bring your car into the center of town for the day. Perhaps such a charge could be considered in Jakarta seeing that the benefits of the 3-in-1 policy are somewhat negated by the car jockey urchins who stand at the side of the roads waiting to fill businessmen's cars for a small fee. London, however, does have an extensive subway network as an alternative to all this automobile anarchy. Jakarta will have to do a bit better than the Busway, which is basically a park and ride scheme without the park bit.

So what other differences are there? Well, initially it's nice to be in a city where things work and where order and tidiness prevail. However, after a few days here, one becomes aware of how Tony Blair's Britain is beginning to wrap itself like some kind of smothering nanny state blanket around its citizens' sense of spontaneity, freedom and fun. How about this from last weekend's Sunday Times as an example?

"Motorists face having their cars fitted with a spy device that stops speeding. The satellite-based system will monitor the speed limit and apply the brakes or cut out the accelerator if the driver tries to exceed it. A government funded trial has concluded that the scheme promotes safer driving."

During the last week I have also heard of lamp posts being regularly checked to insure that they don't fall over due to the effects of dog urine corrosion and a ban on all hanging flower baskets as they could fall on people's heads, and this is just the tip of the iceberg. The health and safety fascists are in the ascendancy and far from being able to enjoy the economic rewards of living in one of the richest cities or countries in the world, the Brits have turned neurotic and seem to enjoy emasculating themselves with reams of rules and regulations. Let's hope that these politically correct, middle class party poopers don't ruin London's preparations for the 2012 Olympics; some of those javelins are sharp you know.

In Jakarta of course, people are mainly too concerned with simply trying to get by to give two hoots for such health and safety fascism and are perhaps all the happier for it. Visitors sometimes describe the city as being like the Wild West; a metropolis in which there's a sense that anything could happen. Even a walk down the road to the warung for a packet of smokes becomes an obstacle course as one tries to avoid being mown down by motorcycles, asphyxiated by passing buses, scalded by flying fried rice or tripping over the city's laughable excuse for sidewalks every other step. Stressful sometimes, perhaps, but never dull. I'd certainly take dangdut singing on TV any day over the utter psychic desolation that I feel watching programs about first time house buyers looking for mortgages.

Of course, the flip side of all this legislative molly coddling is that Britain is well on the way to developing the kind of litigious culture that currently stalks the US, a country in which one could almost imagine a mother suing her own baby for soiling its diaper and causing her olfactory distress. In Indonesia, however, lawsuits -- successful ones at least -- are still the preserve of the rich and powerful and not for the average Joe.

Any other comparisons to be made vis-a-vis London and Jakarta? Obvious as it may seem, London is a considerably more expensive city although these days there are plenty of glamorous places available in Jakarta for those wishing to blow obscene amounts of cash. Also, as I write this, it's 13 degrees centigrade outside, pouring with rain and blowing a near gale in the middle of July; some things never change.

Ultimately though, the two cities are as similar to each other as they are to so many post modern, free market metropolises that exist on every continent of the planet these days. Both, for better or worse, encompass the various delights of downloadable ringtones, cosmetic surgery, gay film festivals, internet dating, alcopops, gas guzzling SUVs, reality TV, cybernetic disco music, plasma wide screens and low calorie isotonic drinks. I'll take the urban jungle over the urban kindergarten any day, though. Normal service will be resumed next week.

-- Simon Pitchforth