Poverty breeds high divorce rates

One day, a middle-aged man was attracted to a blossoming maiden. The girl, seduced by his promises, said "yes" to his proposal to tie the knot.

When the man met his future bride's mother, he was shocked to find out that she was his ex-wife. She told him that the maiden was his own child.

"Many fathers here don't recognize their own children and there are lots more sad stories," said Muchtar, project manager of Plan International in West Nusa Tenggara province.

The majority of married couples are not officially registered. "It means their children have no legal birth certificates," he said.

Muchtar's story was not the only sad tale.

Rohinah, a 25-year-old mother of five, has divorced five times in just 10 years. Her first marriage took place when she was only 15 and she has just got divorced from her last husband Aminuddin, an illegal migrant worker.

"I had always dreamt of having a happy family but my destiny has been otherwise," she complained. "Most of my former husbands were bad-tempered and poor. Aminuddin left me for another migrant worker woman in Malaysia."

Rohinah inherited nothing from her marriages but a dilapidated hut and five kids.

Being a widow is hard as she must sell nasi kuning (yellow steamed rice sold with spicy chicken) at a nearby market in Sakra district to survive.

"Reality bites but I hope I can remarry soon," she said.

Marriage and divorce are two common words among many men and women in Lombok.

Muchtar confirmed that the island's high divorce rates have reached an alarming level, especially in rural areas. The lack of education, poverty and the misinterpretation of religious teachings may contribute to the high divorce rates.

He said that in one village in East Lombok he found thousands of widows. "Many male members of the village had gone to Java, Malaysia, and Brunei Darussalam to find work."

In another village, he discovered that only one of 500 married couples practiced monogamy. The rest of the couples had remarried between two and 20 times.

"People view a monogamous couple as weird," Muchtar said.

Together with several local NGOs such as Forum Peduli Kawin Cerai, a forum concerned with divorce, the Family Welfare Foundation (YKSS), Plan International has just completed a study involving 3,613 families in 52 villages in Sakra and Pringgabaya districts, East Lombok.

The study, conducted from May to June 2001, reveals that the majority of respondents had been married between one and six times, the second largest group consists of those married between seven and 11 times and the rest had tied the knot an incredible 12 to 44 times.

Sumiyati, a social worker at the Mataram office of the Indonesian Planned Parenthood Association (PKBI), has some dismaying stories.

"It is a strange social phenomenon that in such a religious community as the Sasak people (the indigenous ethnic group of Lombok), polygamy and divorce rates are very high."

Here, she said, people easily fall in love, get married and soon separate for various minor reasons. A girl could marry a man she met at the market or at a village party just a few days before. A week after, the newly wedded couple could separate because the husband or wife had met another "nice guy/girl".

"I really can't understand why they do this," said Sumiyati, who admitted to having five stepmothers.

Looser values accorded to marriage play a significant role.

"Many of them are afraid that their daughters will become Dedare Mosot (spinsters) if they turn down any marriage proposals," she said.

Zubaedah, chairperson of YKSS, said the study was aimed at obtaining the real facts on divorce rates and its impacts on health, education and other social problems like poverty.

"The high divorce rates have created economic, social and cultural problems," she said, adding that parents tended to neglect their children, resulting in many of them being under the custody of their illiterate grandmothers.

The children have no access to decent food, education and health facilities. In the long run, such conditions will greatly affect the quality of human resources in the province.

"This is a very urgent issue that must be addressed immediately by the provincial administration, religious institutions and other related agencies," she said.

"Most respondents are unaware on how to build a happy and stable family. For them, marriage is temporary. They can separate anytime," Zubaedah said.

She stressed that victims of divorce were usually women and children.

Many widows and daughters, trapped by poverty, become prostitutes while boys often roam the streets and get involved in crime.

"It is high time for the people of Lombok to open their eyes and take prompt action to reduce the divorce rate," she said. --JP