Play it cool in the game of office politics

Krabbe K. Piting, Contributor, Jakarta

If you want to experience drama, danger and mistrust firsthand, you don't have to travel all the way to the mean and treacherous streets of Baghdad. Just go to work every day.

There, in the maze of cubicles, boardrooms and water coolers, you'll smell the stench of raw ambition mixed with insecurities so potent it can probably give you cancer by your late 30s. There are more fake smiles, backstabbers and nasty people here than in high school.

So where do I start? The brownoser who obviously doesn't think there is something vulgar with excess compliments in full view of uncomfortable individuals? The new guy who, if you believe all the rumors, allegedly put some false information on his resume? The teammate who wants all credit to himself and only mentions the word "teamwork" whenever he needs something from you?

The colleague who claims to have the same issues as the others but refuse to stand up to the boss unless others are doing it? The supervisor who definitely has a chip on BOTH of his shoulders and shouts at everybody?

Or which one is worse: the boss who plays the favoritism card, therefore encouraging said brownoser and his ilk to step all over each other in the process of being the ultimate suck-up artist, or the boss who always makes sure everybody remembers who's the boss?

What about the smoker who never buys his own cigarettes but instead gets his nicotine fix from fellow smokers? (OK, OK, I know this person doesn't really belong in this article, but I just couldn't resist)

Test case: job appraisals are coming up. Your boss is at war with the management over issues minions like you only hear through gossip. Some people are already taking sides, and the boss is looking for support from the people in your department.

What to do?

Let's face it, we're all players. Unfortunately, being good at what you do alone does not get you to the top. One has to be equipped with a quick wit, a keen eye and ear to survive. A terrific sense of humor is a plus. Black humor is usually misunderstood.

After all, nobody was ever taught Office Politics 101 at school, even at the leading universities (why has nobody ever thought of this, by the way? Shouldn't the US$150,000 plus tuition fee at Harvard and Wharton warrant such a class?).

In an alternate reality, nasty people will be roasted alive, marinating in their own poison. Instead, we have to deal with it day to day, treading our way and testing the waters to save our own bums in the slickest possible way. A cousin who has made it to the top advised me to never burn any bridges to succeed, no matter what.

"My boss constantly steals my ideas but I let it go because he's a top banker. And since I make him look good, I was transferred to London with him and get a very substantial paycheck."

Although some people might not agree with my cousin's way of dealing with things, but when it comes to office politics, nobody has a surefire recipe. But what I find disturbing but true is: ticking off a lot people is OK, just as long as they are not important in your career ladder. Or in other words, being on the good side of a lot of people is practically useless if they are not the "right" people.

If you go to your local bookstore, you'll find quite a few books dedicated to the subject. A good book to read is the hilarious Worst-Case Scenario Survival Handbook: Work by Joshua Piven, with "helpful" info on dealing with a nightmare boss or co-worker.

It's a dog eat dog world out there. And this dog is going to survive, God willing.