Physical education isn't child's play

For other kids, the least favorite subject was math. While math was not really a bed of roses for me, either, my worst nightmare made real was physical education.

Even now, I grimace at the thought of those excruciating hours of public humiliation. Who says throwing a bunch of pasty-faced schoolkids out of their classrooms and into the great outdoors (meaning an outdoor concrete basketball court amid polluted urban sprawl) for a couple of hours every week is a great idea?

Does a healthy mind really reside in a healthy body? How does forcing an awkward adolescent to do cartwheels in front of his/her schoolmates lead to a sound mind?

As far as sports is concerned, I was -- and still am -- hopeless. Describing myself as unathletic is a major understatement. Basketball, volleyball, softball, gymnastics, athletics; you name it, I sucked at it.

I couldn't even get a volleyball across the net to save my life! My father always made fun of my distaste for sports, until it was time to sign my report book. You see, almost as sure as the sun rises from the east, I would get a red mark from PE.

Some people dread competitive team sports for fear of looking like the flailing idiot nobody passes the ball to. Personally, I would rather be that than the stiff idiot during individual sports. At least with team sports people would concentrate on the action so I would go unnoticed. That's why I hate floor gymnastics the most.

I was the slow, scrawny kid with no coordination who always ended up physically hurting myself and others. Remember the "tiger sprong"? You know the drill: you run from a certain distance, then leap over a hurdle like a tiger, hence the name, onto a hard mattress where you gracefully do a neat somersault.

The hurdle happened to be a friend or two, crouched in front of the mattress. I still remember the dread on friends' faces as they braced themselves whenever it was my turn (I always had the decency to apologize in advance for the bruises soon to be inflicted upon them).

Just like trigonometry, I see no benefit whatsoever in real life from learning to do headstands, somersaults, etc. As I see it, if there's an obstacle in front of you, just make a turn. No need to get all Jackie Chan-y about it.

So it was no surprise that I usually got a hard time from my PE teachers. My junior high PE teacher was a butch woman who acted like she was running a boot camp. Feigning illness or the time-of-the-month was useless. Luckily for me, in my second year, I found a new way to secure a 6 (out of 10) on my report card without breaking any bones or straining any muscle.

The woman loved to meet new, international friends, but lacked the capacity to converse in English. She found out that I was able to write in English, so from then on, while others were breaking a sweat in their unattractive gym shorts, I would sit next to her, translating her letters into English. To be honest, it was very tempting to be my usual impish self and put in a few obscene words, but I didn't want to spoil a good thing.

No more of that in high school, though. My high school PE teacher was a hyperactive grandmother of two who still ran marathons. She believed that if she could do it, then pimply teenagers who thought that osteoporosis was a type of dinosaur could do it even better.

I soldiered on, thinking that by graduating from high school, I would say goodbye to such nonsense. No such luck. It just happened that the university I went to also believed in mens sana in corpore sano, and starting from my year, imposed another delightful year of PE on all its first-year students.

They even waived the usual entry test for gifted athletes! I seriously thought that God was punishing me for never learning how to pray. Instead of getting fit, exercise became a dreaded chore.

My editor asked me to include how physical education could be made interesting and useful for people's longterm health. According to Bud Turner, coordinator of K-12 physical education for Seattle Public Schools and follower of the so-called "success-oriented PE" (where kids work for their personal best rather than besting the opposing team, to elevate wellness above winning), the gym offers an ideal venue for teaching cooperation, creativity and critical thinking, right along with physical skills.

Personally, I'd say that making the bloody thing optional would make it interesting and tolerable. As for its benefit for long-term health? Ummm. Contorting oneself like someone from the Beijing Circus or running four laps at Lapangan Banteng wouldn't make me live longer. So sorry, can't think of a good reason to keep PE in the curriculum.

-- Krabbe K. Piting