`Peti Mati': Graveyard for newly revived local film

Joko E.H. Anwar, Contributor, Jakarta

Peti Mati (The Coffin). Zero Stars (out of ****); Starring Sandy Nayoan, Maya Caroline, Joseph Ginting; Directed by Mardali Syarief; A Starvision Production

Bad movies often make good entertainment as they can generate unintended laughs. The recently released local horror, Kafir (The Unbeliever) aka Satanic, was a perfect example for this kind of movie.

With many outrageous scenes, including one of a woman and her son dragging her dead husband back to the grave after the dead man had returned to their house, the movie is a real scream.

Bad movies also often end up being poetic, as many have sincerely been made by filmmakers whose will overpowers their talent by a long way. There is an ironic beauty in it.

Movies made by the grandfather of bad movies, Edward D. Wood Jr., were made with a genuine intention to make the world a better place. But they were so ineptly made they never got their message across.

However, sometimes bad movies are just bad entertainment, which offer neither unintentional hilarity nor ironic beauty. New local "horror" Peti Mati is one such movie.

Crammed with a nonsensical storyline and incredibly bad acting, the mind-bogglingly awful movie is guaranteed to numb your brain.

Yet, the director claimed that he was inspired by Ingmar Bergman's classic The Seventh Seal!

Notice that I have not cited a film genre in the description about this movie as it does not have one.

This is not horror, as it does not have a single scare; it is not a comedy, as it is miles and miles away from being funny; and it is not drama as ... there is no drama.

The movie's very title is best described as the thing audiences ask for by watching this junk. However, if you insist on seeing it, do not take a weapon because you would be so depressed you would want to use it on yourself.

The movie opens with the word "Beware!" flashing on the screen, a la The Pang Brothers' The Eye. Instead of preparing the audience for the scares to come, the word should be taken as a warning to the audience about the ridiculous content of the movie.

The movie takes place in 1950s Jakarta, where a beautiful courtesan (Maya Caroline) moves her body to a bad music, in an eyebrow-raising, weird dance.

Then a rich gentleman, played by once-respected TV star Sandy Nayoan, enters with his dumb bodyguards. It seems that the gentleman, who is later known as Rudy, has his eye on the courtesan.

Several minutes later, a coffin maker comes to the whorehouse with a large coffin. The coffin moves on its own toward the courtesan, who is now wearing an undershirt and a sarong!

Just when the coffin is about to hit the courtesan, she jumps, like Trinity of The Matrix, and sits on the coffin for no apparent reason.

The dialog that follows makes no sense at all.

Cut to three months later: Rudy has become a poor balloon seller! Meanwhile, the courtesan has become the coffin maker's wife.

Rudy then works for the coffin maker and has a secret relationship with the coffin maker's wife.

From that point, the story goes far beyond comprehension. A subplot involving Rudy's family simply adds to the ridiculousness of the movie.

Near the end, Rudy rides a bicycle, is hit by a car and dies. His coffin later flies to the coffin maker's house, killing him. His wife then enters the coffin and it flies back to the grave. The end.

A reviewer should not give away moments in the narrative that are intended to surprise the audience. However, in this case, a spoiler should be perceived as a way of saving yourself from being robbed by watching this movie.

The movie's only achievement is perhaps the fact that the film reels can be shown in any order, without making the slightest difference whatsoever.

Peti Mati looks as though it was made by profiteers who want to cash in on the fact that local film audience are tolerant of non-quality cinema.

As with most recently released local movies, it was shot on video simply because it is much cheaper, instead of using the medium as a means of expression.

We can expect a lot more movies of this kind this year: Let's hope that audiences will not stop coming to theaters to see local movies after being disappointed too many times.

If this happens, we'd better prepare a coffin for our newly revived film industry. Please don't let that happen!

Among many examples of local junk, Peti Mati is arguably the worst ever shown at local theaters. But who cares?

In a saner world, trash like this would never make it to theaters; it would never get such a long review and you would have stopped reading this review after five lines.

But who said we live in one?