Peace begins with yourself

Pri Notowidigdo, The Amrop Hever Group Global Executive Search, (e-mail: jakarta@amrophever.com)

Over the past month I have been retained by a couple of corporate clients to assist people who were laid off from their respective organizations. It has been emotionally draining for me as well as for the people I have met. I find myself absorbing a lot of their angst and feeling a need to find inner peace.

Twenty odd years ago, I used to seek the peace and solace of the countryside when I was living in Canada. In winter, I would enter into the almost magical stillness of another world as snow would fall lightly on my face and I listened to the muffled sounds of my footsteps on the snow-covered ground.

When I found this balance and harmony within life, I became happier, more creative and energetic. I felt truly alive and was able to face the day-to-day realities of my life.

What about you? Have you had one of those "bad hair days" (to borrow a North American expression)? What do you do about it?

Simply by allowing yourself breathing room to do something different for a change, like taking a walk, has tremendous value. Doing what you like will recharge you and inspire you to face the more mundane aspects of your day-to-day life.

Joan Borysenko, a medical scientist and clinical psychologist, suggests that we make small changes rather than go to extremes. An example of this is how we often will go from doing no exercise to making daily trips to the fitness center or from overeating to going on a crash diet. These are dramatic shifts that are difficult to maintain leading us to eventually give up. Instead, try one or two small changes. Take 10-minute walks two or three times a week. Change to sorbet instead of ice cream for dessert. Once you have adjusted to that change, try making another small change.

Another tip that Dr. Daniel Amen, a psychiatrist, gives is to stop worrying so much about what other people may think about you. In an Eastern culture like Indonesia where the other person's perception of us is so highly regarded, this is tough advice to follow. Yet, Amen goes on to say that people's opinions often say more about them than about you. Amen, in fact, has coined the "18/40/60" rule. When you're 18, you care very much about what other people say about you. By the time you reach the age of 40, you learn not to worry about what others think. By 60, you figure out that nobody was thinking about you in the first place.

If someone finds fault with you, he may have a valid point. At the same time, he may also be projecting concerns about himself.

If you want to tell the difference, says Amen, ask yourself two questions: Will the criticism help me be my best, most creative self? Is it conveyed with kindness? If you answered yes to both questions, the criticism is constructive. If you answered no to one or both, the person may be projecting his fears onto you.

Something that I do as a part of my work and perhaps my character is to help other people. Kindness doesn't only make the recipient feel better, you'll feel better as well. It can be a small gesture like listening attentively to somebody who needs to talk or treating a friend to coffee. Doing something good can make your own problems less stressful.

You owe it to yourself and your loved ones. Why not give it a try? Peace begins with yourself.