Parents must realize their role in educating children

Parents must realize their role in educating children

Mochtar Buchori, Educator, Legislator, Jakarta

The classic maxim asserting that parents and teachers should
cooperate in the education of the young is easier said than done.
The complaint is that parents are either ignorant about this
principle or unwilling to fulfill their due share. Sending
children to schools means, for many parents, that from that time
on education has become the sole responsibility of the school and
the teachers.

This attitude among parents has an especially bitter taste in
expensive schools. Here parents seem to assume the following
attitude, "I paid you a big sum of money. Now do your job
properly, and stop complaining to parents."

Most teachers feel hurt by this kind of attitude. They feel
they are mere instruments in the educational mechanism. Teachers,
however well paid, should never be looked upon as mere
instruments and should never act like one. Teachers should, like
parents, behave as the children's guardians. They must be viewed
as partners of the parents, and not instruments of the school and
the parents.

But many parents do not seem to take seriously the task of
parenting. The practice of sending children to nursery schools at
very early age is one such sign. It is as if these parents want
to get rid of their parenting role as early as possible.

Such parents seem to forget that parenting is not merely
having children born, as the Latin words parentem (i.e. one who
produces) and parere (i.e.to produce) suggest. The serious part
of parenting is guiding children in their growth towards
adulthood, toward the stage at which they become able to make
moral decisions regarding themselves and are responsible for
their decisions.

Evidence abounds showing that the way parents discharge their
part in educating the young determine the quality of the outcome.
This is most visible in the affective growth of children.
Whenever parents and teachers do cooperate in inculcating values
in children, maturity in esthetic, social, and ethical realms is
reached without much pain. But whenever such cooperation is
lacking, maturity in understanding and respecting social,
ethical, and esthetic norms is either retarded and ultimately
achieved only after the child has undergone much pain and agony,
or never achieved at all.

Observers say that in big cities and in urban communities the
relationship between parents and teachers is one of
instrumentalism. But in rural communities there is still
partnership, no matter how little, between parents and teachers.
The problem here is how to make parents aware of their role in
educating their children, and how to make them willing to meet
this role.

But because in many households fathers and mothers must work,
what can be done? Every couple within each family must tailor
their own answer.

There is, however, one common principle. Within their limited
time, parents must show their deep affection and genuine interest
in the present and future welfare of their children. And this
must be done in ways that correspond to the needs and demands of
the children at various stages of development. Showing interest
and affection to a five-year-old child is one thing, but showing
this parental virtue to an 18 or 20-year-old son or daughter is
quite a different matter.

This means, among other things, that parents should never
immerse themselves totally in their personal affairs. Career
ambition should not be allowed to cloud their vision concerning
their parental ambition. This is one of the essences of
parenting. When you become a father and a mother, you must always
remember that you no longer live for yourself. In the end, you
also live for your children, especially during the early stages
of their growth.

There are two problems. Firstly, do all parents have ambition
with regard to the future of their children? Secondly, is it an
ambition developed by the children themselves, or is it the
ambition of the parents?

Lack of vision and ambition in the children's future is
selfishness. Superimposing parental ambition on the children is
called ego-extension, which is also selfishness. Selfish parents
should not blame teachers if their children fail to meet their
expectations. They only have themselves to blame.

It is only when parents and teachers fulfill their respective
roles in the education of the young that we will be able to guide
our children to become a meaningful part of their generation.