Parents express mixed emotions over unofficial adoptions

Parents express mixed emotions over unofficial adoptions

Sari P. Setiogi, The Jakarta Post, Jakarta

Everybody who sees her says that Nadja (not her real name) is a
beautiful baby girl, but what makes the five-month-old baby
really intriguing is that she was born with a high price tag and
sold 10 hours after her birth.

Months before she was born, her biological grandfather, a
struggling pig farmer, had already struck a deal with Jenny and
Dion (not their real names) on the amount of money the childless
couple would have to pay for the baby.

"At the beginning he asked for Rp 25 million, but we told him
that we did not have that much money and that we would still have
to spend a lot of money to take care of her," Jenny told The
Jakarta Post over the weekend.

After negotiations for one week, Jenny and Dion, who were
still childless 12 years into their marriage, and Nadja's
grandparents agreed on the price of Rp 15 million (US$1,650).

They also agreed that the transaction would take place on the
day of the delivery and that Jenny and Dion would pay all
hospital expenses.

Throughout the negotiations, Nadja's biological mother, Mia,
an 18-year old high school student from a poor Chinese family
living in the greater Jakarta area, was neither involved nor
informed about the deal.

Jenny said Mia's parents, who accused her of disgracing the
family by getting pregnant out of wedlock, forced her to give up
the baby for adoption. Mia's father, who wanted her to continue
her high school studies, had also threatened to dump the baby
into the river behind their bamboo house.

"When that day came, I was torn between two opposing feelings.
Of course I was extraordinarily happy after trying everything for
the past 12 years, and we finally had a baby girl. I felt like a
real mother," said Jenny as tears flowed copiously.

"I was there about 10 hours after Nadja's birth. Nadja was in
Mia's arms, sleeping peacefully. I can never forget Mia's loving
gaze at Nadja at that time, something that I will probably never
experience myself," Jenny said, as she wiped her tears.

Jenny's husband Dion immediately handed over the Rp 15 million
to Nadja's grandfather, who carefully counted the money before
swiftly taking Nadja from Mia's arms and handing over the infant
to Jenny. Jenny said Mia's father told them to rush out of the
hospital.

"I still remember Mia's cry at that time. She was wailing,
wanting to get her baby back. She cried so loud. As a woman, I
was in deep pain myself at that time," said Jenny, holding Nadja
tight to her chest.

Jenny and husband Dion quickly moved to bury the fact that
Nadja was never their biological daughter. Days after, they went
to local Civic Registration Office to have her registered.

"We registered her as our biological daughter. On her birth
certificate, our names are written as Nadja's parents.

"Nadja should not know that she was once unwanted. She's now
ours and we will shower her with love," said Jenny, who quit her
job as an architect to take care of Nadja full time.

Call Nadja's adoption illegal, but such methods
have thrived since the law on child protection was enacted in
2002.

An expatriate couple, Pierre and Lucy (not their real names),
told the Post that they adopted Jane last year from an Indonesian
couple. The adoption did not go through the official state
adoption agency, Sayap Ibu Foundation, as required by law.

"We went to an unofficial adoption agency here," said Lucy,
who plans to take Jane to their country of origin next year.

A similar step was taken by Dalyana and Terry (not their real
names). They also went to an unofficial agency in the greater
Jakarta area to adopt one-year-old Hana (not her real name).

"We are Catholic while Hana's biological mother was not a
Catholic. If we have to go through the official foundation, we
would not be able to adopt Hana. The procedure might take longer
also," said Terry.

According to the law, child adoptions, either by Indonesians
or by foreigners, must be done through the government-sanctioned
Sayap Ibu Foundation.

But according to Sayap Ibu Foundation chairwoman Ciptaningsih
Utaryo, the number of children brought to the agency for legal
adoptions has declined since the enactment of Law No. 23/2002 on
child protection.

"If this is a sign of a wealthier community, then it is no
problem. However, I'm afraid it disguises an increase in illegal
adoptions out there," Ciptaningsih said last week.

The child protection law states that aspiring foster-parents
should belong to the same religion as that of the adopted
children or that of their biological parents.

"Why should we bother about a child's religion? Many of them
are infants who do not even understand religion yet. They just
need a loving and caring family," Ciptaningsih said.

Jenny said they first went to the Sayap Ibu Foundation, but
were put on a long waiting list as most of the children there
were either mentally retarded or had serious physical
disabilities.

"We did not want such a child," she said.

"Besides, we are Christians, while most of the babies at the
foundation are considered to be born Muslims. We wouldn't be able
to adopt one," said Jenny, adding that they decided to search for
a child themselves.

"We were told by a family friend that there was a Buddhist
girl who had an unwanted pregnancy. At that time, Mia was 26
weeks pregnant," said Jenny, as she gently pat Nadja's back.

Mia's father welcomed the idea, but asked for a price.

"Actually we never wanted to give them money...but since we
knew that her father was a poor pig farmer, we gave the money as
an expression of our gratitude," Jenny said.

She also said that to this day, she is often haunted by what
happened on the "transaction" day. "The swift grabbing, the
handing-over and the wailing scenes often haunt me in my dreams,"
said Jenny.