Parents express mixed emotions over unofficial adoptions
Sari P. Setiogi, The Jakarta Post, Jakarta
Everybody who sees her says that Nadja (not her real name) is a beautiful baby girl, but what makes the five-month-old baby really intriguing is that she was born with a high price tag and sold 10 hours after her birth.
Months before she was born, her biological grandfather, a struggling pig farmer, had already struck a deal with Jenny and Dion (not their real names) on the amount of money the childless couple would have to pay for the baby.
"At the beginning he asked for Rp 25 million, but we told him that we did not have that much money and that we would still have to spend a lot of money to take care of her," Jenny told The Jakarta Post over the weekend.
After negotiations for one week, Jenny and Dion, who were still childless 12 years into their marriage, and Nadja's grandparents agreed on the price of Rp 15 million (US$1,650).
They also agreed that the transaction would take place on the day of the delivery and that Jenny and Dion would pay all hospital expenses.
Throughout the negotiations, Nadja's biological mother, Mia, an 18-year old high school student from a poor Chinese family living in the greater Jakarta area, was neither involved nor informed about the deal.
Jenny said Mia's parents, who accused her of disgracing the family by getting pregnant out of wedlock, forced her to give up the baby for adoption. Mia's father, who wanted her to continue her high school studies, had also threatened to dump the baby into the river behind their bamboo house.
"When that day came, I was torn between two opposing feelings. Of course I was extraordinarily happy after trying everything for the past 12 years, and we finally had a baby girl. I felt like a real mother," said Jenny as tears flowed copiously.
"I was there about 10 hours after Nadja's birth. Nadja was in Mia's arms, sleeping peacefully. I can never forget Mia's loving gaze at Nadja at that time, something that I will probably never experience myself," Jenny said, as she wiped her tears.
Jenny's husband Dion immediately handed over the Rp 15 million to Nadja's grandfather, who carefully counted the money before swiftly taking Nadja from Mia's arms and handing over the infant to Jenny. Jenny said Mia's father told them to rush out of the hospital.
"I still remember Mia's cry at that time. She was wailing, wanting to get her baby back. She cried so loud. As a woman, I was in deep pain myself at that time," said Jenny, holding Nadja tight to her chest.
Jenny and husband Dion quickly moved to bury the fact that Nadja was never their biological daughter. Days after, they went to local Civic Registration Office to have her registered.
"We registered her as our biological daughter. On her birth certificate, our names are written as Nadja's parents.
"Nadja should not know that she was once unwanted. She's now ours and we will shower her with love," said Jenny, who quit her job as an architect to take care of Nadja full time.
Call Nadja's adoption illegal, but such methods have thrived since the law on child protection was enacted in 2002.
An expatriate couple, Pierre and Lucy (not their real names), told the Post that they adopted Jane last year from an Indonesian couple. The adoption did not go through the official state adoption agency, Sayap Ibu Foundation, as required by law.
"We went to an unofficial adoption agency here," said Lucy, who plans to take Jane to their country of origin next year.
A similar step was taken by Dalyana and Terry (not their real names). They also went to an unofficial agency in the greater Jakarta area to adopt one-year-old Hana (not her real name).
"We are Catholic while Hana's biological mother was not a Catholic. If we have to go through the official foundation, we would not be able to adopt Hana. The procedure might take longer also," said Terry.
According to the law, child adoptions, either by Indonesians or by foreigners, must be done through the government-sanctioned Sayap Ibu Foundation.
But according to Sayap Ibu Foundation chairwoman Ciptaningsih Utaryo, the number of children brought to the agency for legal adoptions has declined since the enactment of Law No. 23/2002 on child protection.
"If this is a sign of a wealthier community, then it is no problem. However, I'm afraid it disguises an increase in illegal adoptions out there," Ciptaningsih said last week.
The child protection law states that aspiring foster-parents should belong to the same religion as that of the adopted children or that of their biological parents.
"Why should we bother about a child's religion? Many of them are infants who do not even understand religion yet. They just need a loving and caring family," Ciptaningsih said.
Jenny said they first went to the Sayap Ibu Foundation, but were put on a long waiting list as most of the children there were either mentally retarded or had serious physical disabilities.
"We did not want such a child," she said.
"Besides, we are Christians, while most of the babies at the foundation are considered to be born Muslims. We wouldn't be able to adopt one," said Jenny, adding that they decided to search for a child themselves.
"We were told by a family friend that there was a Buddhist girl who had an unwanted pregnancy. At that time, Mia was 26 weeks pregnant," said Jenny, as she gently pat Nadja's back.
Mia's father welcomed the idea, but asked for a price.
"Actually we never wanted to give them money...but since we knew that her father was a poor pig farmer, we gave the money as an expression of our gratitude," Jenny said.
She also said that to this day, she is often haunted by what happened on the "transaction" day. "The swift grabbing, the handing-over and the wailing scenes often haunt me in my dreams," said Jenny.