Overuse of `do not' can destroy children's initiative
JAKARTA (JP): Many parents have heard advise against using the words "do not" too often when dealing with their kids, but how many have realized that IQ tests and children's ranking in their classes can also be a kick in a child's ego?
Three experts in education, Conny Semiawan, a professor from the Jakarta Teachers' Training and Education Institute (IKIP); Father J. Drost SJ, a long-time educator and observer of the education system, and Sartono Mukadis, a psychologist and lecturer, believe these are vital factors in determining the levels of a child's self esteem.
They warned in a seminar that parents should not treat their children like "small adults" but must instead provide them with ample opportunity to explore their surroundings and even let them make a mistake every now and then.
"It is dangerous to steal away their childhood for the mere sake of our own prestige and ego," Sartono said.
The seminar with the theme "Strengthening cooperation between family and school to face educational challenges in the year 2001" was held by the organizers of the 1994 Children's Book Festival at the Senayan Sports Hall complex. The festival, which opened on Saturday, will last until Sunday.
Sartono said that IQ tests and ranking children according to their academic performance leads parents to develop an attitude that "worships" intelligence instead of one that encourages a child to be competitive.
"We embarrass our children who have tried their hardest, yet end up at the bottom of the list ... We teach them a misleading sense of pride, which is result-oriented, instead of one that appreciates the learning process and efforts of the child," Sartono said.
Connie pointed out that parents should have a strategy in dealing with their kids. "Parents should refrain from demonstrating too obviously what they want of their kids ... Thus their children can feel they can be their own selves," she said.
As a consequence, parents should not feel disappointed if in the end their kids choose something which does not suit their own expectations, she added.
"Talk with your kid when he is faced with a choice. Tell him the options, the negative and the positive sides of things, and let him make his own choice," Connie said.
Sartono argued that parents played an important role in motivating their children to be creative.
This, he said, means that children should be taught to see a problem as a whole instead of part-by-part. It also means that a child should have the ability to be courageous enough to go in his own direction, which he believes is right, without worrying that he will be unpopular, or will not win praise from others.
"In the end, what's important is whether he can accomplish satisfactorily the choice he has made," Sartono said.
Father Drost, who focused his paper on senior high school students, said that senior high schools currently produce students "who know a lot but understand a little".
The curriculum, he said, focuses on accumulating knowledge instead of creating intellectuals.
An intellectual, he said, is a person who, due to his education and experience, is open to every realistic possibility.
"An intellectual can befriend people of every group. He can mingle freely, but respectfully, with people of a higher status, but does not lack this respect when associating with common people.
"An intellectual does not have a feeling of inferiority when he is around other people, but instead feels proud to have a mature personality. He is never fanatic nor does he seek revenge. An intellectual will not seek acknowledgment from other people. He has the courage to take his stand, but is not afraid to admit it when he makes a mistake. An intellectual is never afraid of losing his prestige or power," Father Drost says. (pwn)