Overuse of `do not' can destroy children's initiative

Overuse of `do not' can destroy children's initiative

JAKARTA (JP): Many parents have heard advise against using the
words "do not" too often when dealing with their kids, but how
many have realized that IQ tests and children's ranking in their
classes can also be a kick in a child's ego?

Three experts in education, Conny Semiawan, a professor from
the Jakarta Teachers' Training and Education Institute (IKIP);
Father J. Drost SJ, a long-time educator and observer of the
education system, and Sartono Mukadis, a psychologist and
lecturer, believe these are vital factors in determining the
levels of a child's self esteem.

They warned in a seminar that parents should not treat their
children like "small adults" but must instead provide them with
ample opportunity to explore their surroundings and even let them
make a mistake every now and then.

"It is dangerous to steal away their childhood for the mere
sake of our own prestige and ego," Sartono said.

The seminar with the theme "Strengthening cooperation between
family and school to face educational challenges in the year
2001" was held by the organizers of the 1994 Children's Book
Festival at the Senayan Sports Hall complex. The festival, which
opened on Saturday, will last until Sunday.

Sartono said that IQ tests and ranking children according to
their academic performance leads parents to develop an attitude
that "worships" intelligence instead of one that encourages a
child to be competitive.

"We embarrass our children who have tried their hardest, yet
end up at the bottom of the list ... We teach them a misleading
sense of pride, which is result-oriented, instead of one that
appreciates the learning process and efforts of the child,"
Sartono said.

Connie pointed out that parents should have a strategy in
dealing with their kids. "Parents should refrain from
demonstrating too obviously what they want of their kids ... Thus
their children can feel they can be their own selves," she said.

As a consequence, parents should not feel disappointed if in
the end their kids choose something which does not suit their own
expectations, she added.

"Talk with your kid when he is faced with a choice. Tell him
the options, the negative and the positive sides of things, and
let him make his own choice," Connie said.

Sartono argued that parents played an important role in
motivating their children to be creative.

This, he said, means that children should be taught to see a
problem as a whole instead of part-by-part. It also means that a
child should have the ability to be courageous enough to go in
his own direction, which he believes is right, without worrying
that he will be unpopular, or will not win praise from others.

"In the end, what's important is whether he can accomplish
satisfactorily the choice he has made," Sartono said.

Father Drost, who focused his paper on senior high school
students, said that senior high schools currently produce
students "who know a lot but understand a little".

The curriculum, he said, focuses on accumulating knowledge
instead of creating intellectuals.

An intellectual, he said, is a person who, due to his
education and experience, is open to every realistic possibility.

"An intellectual can befriend people of every group. He can
mingle freely, but respectfully, with people of a higher status,
but does not lack this respect when associating with common
people.

"An intellectual does not have a feeling of inferiority when
he is around other people, but instead feels proud to have a
mature personality. He is never fanatic nor does he seek revenge.
An intellectual will not seek acknowledgment from other people.
He has the courage to take his stand, but is not afraid to admit
it when he makes a mistake. An intellectual is never afraid of
losing his prestige or power," Father Drost says. (pwn)