Out with the old, make way for the new

It was at one of those glamorous events of today's upmarket society that an elegant elderly lady happened to sit next to me.

Bowing my head a bit, I greeted her respectfully and introduced myself. I guessed we had both made the mistake of coming on time to the event, as other tables still had empty seats or only one or two occupants.

She smiled. "Please don't say that you are already here because the streets were not congested. I was caught in heavy traffic congestion, but I like to be on time, so I had left home a bit earlier!"

I confessed that I had done the same because I also like to be punctual.

"You know many things are so different now concerning social etiquette," she said. "We were taught to honor the hosts by coming on time so they also could honor us by receiving us gracefully and not nervously, because they had already planned the event to begin at a certain time. If many guests were late, their time planning would be a bit ruined."

"But the truth is," piped in a young woman, who in the meantime took the seat opposite us, "that it is now really impossible be on time in Jakarta. Look at me -- I had to drive myself because the driver called and said he was stuck in a jam. Although late, I am here, and I think it is more important to the hosts that their guests come anyway.

"Don't you think so? Just relax!"

Neither of us answered, not because what she said was probably true for busy young executives like herself, but rather because we were flabbergasted by her rapid "bahasa Indonesia-Inggris".

It included half-and-halfs like "Sekarang it's really impossible" and "Aku kira more important". But then some younger friends of hers arrived, so she planted a kiss on our cheeks and said goodbye.

The woman next to me conceded that our friend was right about the traffic, but there were a couple of things that still rankled.

"That kissing stuff -- we don't know her at all. It bothers me a bit, although I can take it because I know 'society kisses' are now considered fashionable. But for heaven's sake, why did she say aku (the informal form of I) to us and not saya."

She pointed out that while Indonesian does not have the same hierarchical structure of language like Javanese, aku is still a rude word when used by a younger person in addressing someone older.

Actually, I am of the same opinion as her, but I also feel that we have to go with the times.

That includes learning not to say "Oh my God, your bra is showing" when a granddaughter wears the fashionable see-through lacy kebaya (blouse) at a wedding or a tank top that to my eyes look like underwear but, according to the younger generation, is "top of the tops".

On the other hand, we in the older generation sometimes reflect on how lucky and smart some young people are. We did not have the chance to do what they are doing.

My advice if that if you have already passed the big 60, then just sit back, observe what is going on and get on with your own life.

I had better stop now, as an SMS is coming in on my mobile: "ILU but cnnt come. CU nxt wk."

A message from a young, very busy member of my extended family. Oh dear -- did she really spend three years in England studying at the best schools?

-- Surya Saraswati