Of greed and other family values

JAKARTA (JP): Sita came from a typical upper middle-class family. Her brothers and sisters went to university overseas, their privileged education paid for by the wealth their parents acquired during Indonesia's development years in the 1970s. When then underdeveloped but resource-rich Indonesia was ripe for exploitation, Sita's father was center stage.

Sita's fortune, or at least her family's, has since dwindled. The "boom" years have taken their toll; younger upstarts superseded her father, and the modernizing economy now required more savvy than just being at the right place at the right time. The family is no longer rich but, considering inflating living costs among the well-heeled, just getting by. The peeling walls of their once stately house need a new coat of paint. Sita's brothers and sisters, grown up with families of their own, work hard to keep up with the neighbors, although showing off status is becoming increasingly difficult, especially when living in the suburbs of Bintaro.

Now Sita's mother is ill. But her affliction isn't even medical. Rather, she's depressed. She's so depressed she can barely walk. Her ailment is caused by worry that the financial hardship upon her family won't pass. Her husband has a serious disease which requires hospitalization. They can't afford it, not unless they sell some of their properties.

"But I have so many heads to consult with, my children won't agree to anything," she complains. What's worse, she feels alone, as the people she counts on most -- her family -- are the ones she's at odds with. As the children fight over their supposed entitlement, the parents descend deeper into illness. The kids are arguing about what should be their inheritance, but the parents aren't even dead yet. But if they fight long enough, their precious inheritance may just come a little early.

Pundits claim the greedy Eighties decade has passed, but I'd argue it is still wiping its gold-plated feet on the welcome mat.

Nonsense, you say, as greed has always been around. Of course it has, and so has that venerable institution called the family. It's the family, all-important and ever-watching, that kept selfish sons in check and reined in aspirations that threatened to ruin the family name. Once upon a time in this vast land of traditions, your family was your life. You married the bride or groom of your family's choice, you followed a profession based on your family's approval. You had to, or else face banishment from the extended family whose support was crucial in those days of tight-knit communities. What you did for your family was a lifetime task and achievement; everything else, like a stable marriage, successful career or a nice house, was a bonus.

Now, as the bustle of urbanization and modernization breaks down the extended family, it's having a family that is a bonus. Metropolitan magnets and satellite cities are homes to millions of nuclear families struggling with urban alienation. But the kids are the last to complain; they're enjoying the gifts and subsidies lavished upon by moms and dads bereft of this network of supportive kin.

Money, that's the operative word, and, indeed, this is an upper-middle class predicament. Money lines the Pandora's box of our new family values. The media often shines its harsh spotlight on the "little emperors" of China -- why look so far away when there are as many brats running around Pondok Indah Mall? Parents here have been spoiling their kids rotten ever since Indonesia's changing economic demographics allowed them to. Once tradition glued a family together, now it's cash.

Yet here's the twist: it's still tradition that's keeping the family together -- at least the tradition to not lose face. Stories abound of how parents are stuffing their kids' wallets to make them appear as "obedient children", a requisite of the traditional Indonesian household. Keeping the kids happy is the same as keeping the neighbors' attention away, and what every Indonesian family dreads is for "people to talk". If what's underneath the family portrait is not as pretty as the picture- perfect print, nobody should see the difference.

The mirage sometimes foils even the family. For twenty- something Nani, her family is a mess, with her siblings constantly jealous of each other's presents from their parents, mistaking material largesse for love. Tension within the household grows by the day, voices raised and hostilities exchanged, but the parents pass over the rancor with a wave of their credit cards. They're insisting that all is fine, let's just pay this last Visa bill (their kids) and everyone can get along again.

Keep it all in the family, greed and all. The parents are scared the kids will argue, disrupting the family harmony which they think exists. Still adhering to traditional notions of family cohesion, they can't accept any threat of family discord. In their desperate attempts to keep the family together, greed is quickly becoming part of their family values.

-- Suwara Sari