Of greed and other family values

Of greed and other family values

JAKARTA (JP): Sita came from a typical upper middle-class
family. Her brothers and sisters went to university overseas,
their privileged education paid for by the wealth their parents
acquired during Indonesia's development years in the 1970s. When
then underdeveloped but resource-rich Indonesia was ripe for
exploitation, Sita's father was center stage.

Sita's fortune, or at least her family's, has since dwindled.
The "boom" years have taken their toll; younger upstarts
superseded her father, and the modernizing economy now required
more savvy than just being at the right place at the right time.
The family is no longer rich but, considering inflating living
costs among the well-heeled, just getting by. The peeling walls
of their once stately house need a new coat of paint. Sita's
brothers and sisters, grown up with families of their own, work
hard to keep up with the neighbors, although showing off status
is becoming increasingly difficult, especially when living in the
suburbs of Bintaro.

Now Sita's mother is ill. But her affliction isn't even
medical. Rather, she's depressed. She's so depressed she can
barely walk. Her ailment is caused by worry that the financial
hardship upon her family won't pass. Her husband has a serious
disease which requires hospitalization. They can't afford it, not
unless they sell some of their properties.

"But I have so many heads to consult with, my children won't
agree to anything," she complains. What's worse, she feels alone,
as the people she counts on most -- her family -- are the ones
she's at odds with. As the children fight over their supposed
entitlement, the parents descend deeper into illness. The kids
are arguing about what should be their inheritance, but the
parents aren't even dead yet. But if they fight long enough,
their precious inheritance may just come a little early.

Pundits claim the greedy Eighties decade has passed, but I'd
argue it is still wiping its gold-plated feet on the welcome mat.

Nonsense, you say, as greed has always been around. Of course
it has, and so has that venerable institution called the family.
It's the family, all-important and ever-watching, that kept
selfish sons in check and reined in aspirations that threatened
to ruin the family name. Once upon a time in this vast land of
traditions, your family was your life. You married the bride or
groom of your family's choice, you followed a profession based on
your family's approval. You had to, or else face banishment from
the extended family whose support was crucial in those days of
tight-knit communities. What you did for your family was a
lifetime task and achievement; everything else, like a stable
marriage, successful career or a nice house, was a bonus.

Now, as the bustle of urbanization and modernization breaks
down the extended family, it's having a family that is a bonus.
Metropolitan magnets and satellite cities are homes to millions
of nuclear families struggling with urban alienation. But the
kids are the last to complain; they're enjoying the gifts and
subsidies lavished upon by moms and dads bereft of this network
of supportive kin.

Money, that's the operative word, and, indeed, this is an
upper-middle class predicament. Money lines the Pandora's box of
our new family values. The media often shines its harsh spotlight
on the "little emperors" of China -- why look so far away when
there are as many brats running around Pondok Indah Mall? Parents
here have been spoiling their kids rotten ever since Indonesia's
changing economic demographics allowed them to. Once tradition
glued a family together, now it's cash.

Yet here's the twist: it's still tradition that's keeping the
family together -- at least the tradition to not lose face.
Stories abound of how parents are stuffing their kids' wallets to
make them appear as "obedient children", a requisite of the
traditional Indonesian household. Keeping the kids happy is the
same as keeping the neighbors' attention away, and what every
Indonesian family dreads is for "people to talk". If what's
underneath the family portrait is not as pretty as the picture-
perfect print, nobody should see the difference.

The mirage sometimes foils even the family. For twenty-
something Nani, her family is a mess, with her siblings
constantly jealous of each other's presents from their parents,
mistaking material largesse for love. Tension within the
household grows by the day, voices raised and hostilities
exchanged, but the parents pass over the rancor with a wave of
their credit cards. They're insisting that all is fine, let's
just pay this last Visa bill (their kids) and everyone can get
along again.

Keep it all in the family, greed and all. The parents are
scared the kids will argue, disrupting the family harmony which
they think exists. Still adhering to traditional notions of
family cohesion, they can't accept any threat of family discord.
In their desperate attempts to keep the family together, greed is
quickly becoming part of their family values.

-- Suwara Sari